New here and need support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 36
New here and need support
Hi everyone. I am new to this site. A little about me. I am an alcoholic. I have been for I'm not sure how long, but it has gotten out of control in the last 1 1/2 years. I am married and have three boys ages 8, 5, and 1 1/2 years old.
Last weekend was the worse I have ever been. I passed out in my front yard with my children at home. I was totally out of control and fighting with my husband. I was totally out of control. I hurt myself physically by falling. I have numerous bumps and bruises and three broken ribs. Eventually after no one could get me under control, my mil called my father to come get me an hour and a half away. That made me ever more beligerant. Eventually I went home with him.
I am kicked out of my house and my husband will not let me see my children. I am currently staying with a childhood friend who is in recovery, she is 10 months sober now from cocaine. I went to inpatient threatment back in October, but left early and tried to finish up outpatient because I missed my children and husband so much. But eventually I fell right back into old habits. The idiot that I am thought I could even work in a bar (what a joke)!!
I am trying to get into an inpatient program which is very difficult when you have no insurance and very little money. I am trying to go to meetings when I can which is difficult when I have no transportation here. My parents just don't understand. My mother is even a nurse and can't realize that I have a disease. She thinks I just choose to screw up my life. Which that is true to a point, but it's a little more complicated than that. I feel like everyone hates me and I feel pretty much that way about myself.
I just don't know how I ever got to this point and I just want to get better.
Amanda
Last weekend was the worse I have ever been. I passed out in my front yard with my children at home. I was totally out of control and fighting with my husband. I was totally out of control. I hurt myself physically by falling. I have numerous bumps and bruises and three broken ribs. Eventually after no one could get me under control, my mil called my father to come get me an hour and a half away. That made me ever more beligerant. Eventually I went home with him.
I am kicked out of my house and my husband will not let me see my children. I am currently staying with a childhood friend who is in recovery, she is 10 months sober now from cocaine. I went to inpatient threatment back in October, but left early and tried to finish up outpatient because I missed my children and husband so much. But eventually I fell right back into old habits. The idiot that I am thought I could even work in a bar (what a joke)!!
I am trying to get into an inpatient program which is very difficult when you have no insurance and very little money. I am trying to go to meetings when I can which is difficult when I have no transportation here. My parents just don't understand. My mother is even a nurse and can't realize that I have a disease. She thinks I just choose to screw up my life. Which that is true to a point, but it's a little more complicated than that. I feel like everyone hates me and I feel pretty much that way about myself.
I just don't know how I ever got to this point and I just want to get better.
Amanda
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by amanda30 
I just don't know how I ever got to this point and I just want to get better.
Amanda
Amanda
I sure can relate to that statement! As I am sure pretty much everyone here can!
There are a lot of newcomers here and great people for support. I'm glad you found your way here too.
Daisy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: tennessee
Posts: 592
Hi Amanda,
I can relate.Good news is if you get help it will get better.Bad news if you dont its just going to get worse if you are ready to get better take some action.Ive done awful things to my kids put them in danger several times.If you start your recovery today your kids an family will never have to see you like that agin.I'll pray for you tonight dont drink for just one day.
I can relate.Good news is if you get help it will get better.Bad news if you dont its just going to get worse if you are ready to get better take some action.Ive done awful things to my kids put them in danger several times.If you start your recovery today your kids an family will never have to see you like that agin.I'll pray for you tonight dont drink for just one day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 36
baggervance -- Honestly, I did okay working in a bar for about two months, seeing people acting so stupid made me not have the desire to drink, but only temporarily. Obviously, I'm not working there anymore. I'm trying to do everything in my power to get into a treatment program and from there probably to a half way house. I think that's the only way for me to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: tennessee
Posts: 592
Go to any lenth It get so much better so fast.I did everything people told me not to going to prove to myself I could not drink how lucky I was but I got to smart for aa and quit going quit working my program And I got drunk.I'm so thankful to be back I love my freinds at AA they are my other family and love me as well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Amanda,
I posted on your other site but I wanted to welcome you on this page as well.
Don't worry about whether or not your parents understand. Mine don't either. They still think it's a matter of willpower or lack of it.
We understand. We are here to support you. You are not alone.
I posted on your other site but I wanted to welcome you on this page as well.
Don't worry about whether or not your parents understand. Mine don't either. They still think it's a matter of willpower or lack of it.
We understand. We are here to support you. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
amanda, first off, happy to see your looking into a serious problem...
daisy was just thinking that yesterday...
the most since i have been on this site that i remember...
perhaps all the newcomers, start their very own newbie support thread...
come up with a real catchy name for it!
with some help from the old geezers, and a recovery program... there might be a chance... if even for one... as we all know to well... the odds aint good... just real doable...
amamnda... no excuses, in/out can be done without ins.. and a meeting can be made...
all good wishes...
xxoo, rz
daisy
There are a lot of newcomers here
the most since i have been on this site that i remember...
perhaps all the newcomers, start their very own newbie support thread...
come up with a real catchy name for it!
with some help from the old geezers, and a recovery program... there might be a chance... if even for one... as we all know to well... the odds aint good... just real doable...
amamnda... no excuses, in/out can be done without ins.. and a meeting can be made...
all good wishes...
xxoo, rz
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Amanda,
I'm glad you posted and are seeking help.
I, too, would call AA and explain that you have no transportation. I'm sure someone would be able to help you out. If you want to get well, you're going to have to start picking up the phone and knocking on doors to get that help.
My parents didn't understand either, but they do today, and are much more supportive. Show them through your actions that you are committed to getting well and I'm sure they will come around. Regardless of anyone else around you and what they think, this can be done.
Rowan
I'm glad you posted and are seeking help.
I, too, would call AA and explain that you have no transportation. I'm sure someone would be able to help you out. If you want to get well, you're going to have to start picking up the phone and knocking on doors to get that help.
My parents didn't understand either, but they do today, and are much more supportive. Show them through your actions that you are committed to getting well and I'm sure they will come around. Regardless of anyone else around you and what they think, this can be done.
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
Hey amanda like everyone else I want to say "hi" too. I am a alcoholic I have a 13 year old a 11 year old and a 19 month old bub. And I can so remember those drunkin dam rages I went into fighting with the husband!! Things came to head in April a week before my birthday when I attempted suicide a week before my 4oth!! I couldnt fight anymore Amanda!! I couldnt fight this bloody horrible disease and just wanted to end it all. You have well meaning people who have no idea and say "just dont drink" hell if we could do that we would not be in the situation we are in!!!!! well up until a week ago I was sober for three months but a fortnight ago I started feeling the same as I was before I attempted suicide and well bought two bottles of wine drinking (thankfully one and bit of the other) well that friday night I was so upset more so that I let myself down and then my family. well this week I feel better and even more determined Im gonna be sober. You can do it Amanda none of us here will tell you its easy or fun lol but it is possible get yourself into inpatient care and keep coming back here you will make a lot of new friends
:0) nice to meet you Ang
:0) nice to meet you Ang
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
Amanda, I could relate to much of your story. By seeking treatment and posting here it sounds to me like you're exactly where you should be, starting your journey on the road to recovery. Glad you're here. You'll find lots of friends and support.
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