NEEDTOBESOBER

I Have managed to quit for short periods of time, but my husband who used to not drink at all, within the last few months our for longer either goes out and buys alcohol or wants to go out toeat at restaurants where there is alcohol, and when this happens I give in and drink. and he also will make excuses like I bought this liquor cause I just want to have a couple of drnks which is BS, drinks more than he thinks and I end up drinking more. For example, even though yesterday was the 4th of July and we had neighbors coming over he went out and bought about 2 or 3 bottles of liquor and I told him I was going to try to start over w/ drinking and all he had to say wa s that it was the 4th of July and we should drink plus we had company. So now I have to either wait til the alcohol is gone and then try again I also told him that I WAS NOT GOING TO LOOK FOR ANOTHER JOB UNTIL i AT LEAST GO THROUGH THE WITHDRAWQALS AND GET MOST OF IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM! He didnt say anything after that, and I dont think he understands how far my disease has progressed and whenever I bring it up he says doesnt wanna hear about it. Any suggestions or comments would be helpful?

Astro

Probably not the comments you want to hear........

Nobody is powerful enough to make us drink. We have the power of choice, the option to say no and abstain, we can make the decision to walk away under temptation. We are the only ones responsible for our sobriety. On top of that, if I'd waited for someone else to tell me to get to an AA meeting and into recovery I'd still be drinking.

parentrecovers

have you thought of enlisting the help of a counselor? even if hubby won't go, you could and they might be able to help you sort through it.

blessings, k

CarolD

Throw out the left over alcohol.
Go to an AA meeting.

Repeat meeting daily.

You too can find sobriety
regardless of anyone else.

Take care of you...it's your life.

Anna

I think we cannot expect to have support from our families. If we do, it's great. If not, we need to do whatever it takes to not drink. Do this for yourself. Go out and do something else if your husband is drinking. Don't be around him.

gr8tful2day

Hmm, My experience with my first husband was the same, I realized that for as much as he wanted me to stop doing the things that hurt him, he liked things the way they were. The people we are with unless they have there own program, are just as sick as we are. And there are alot of "perks" to being the one who is always taking care of the messes..(not sure if I worded that properly) for the unhealthy ego anyways. There will be alot of fear for him, what if you dont need him anymore? What if you find someone else in recovery? What if...blah blah blah...My marriage didnt make it because we were so emeshed and too inexperienced in life to seek outside help. He needs alanon, or take him to a couple of open AA meetings with you. But this disease effects the whole family dynamic and I foresee a rocky road if everyone isnt on the recovery wagon. Now Im not saying you cant get sober without his involvement, in fact it talks about that in the big book. It just means you are going to have to be willing to go to any lengths for your sobriety..not go to all the parties with him for now etc.

Good Luck , and thanks for posting...You have reminded me where I have come from and it does get better!!!
Keep Coming Back!
Leah

cmc

I agree with all that has been shared but would like to add that an enabler is one who does things for the other person...things that the other person is capable of doing for themself. What your husband is doing is more like sabotage- tempting you to do what you do _not_ want to do. For you, maybe some boundaries are in order.

nmt51605

You Really Need To Sit Down And Think If Your Husband Is Repecting The Fact That You Need Be Sober. My Bf Is My Addict And I Never Was His Enabler For What He Did. You Need To Put All Of Your Feelings Together And Find Help At Least A Counsler. The Worst Thing You Could Do Is Continue To Let Him Provide Alcohol For You And Like It Was Said Before You Cant Expect Him To Be There And Support You It Would Be Nice If He Did But You Cant Wait Around For Him Until He Does!! Please Seek Professional Help If You Already Havent

1_day@_a_time

"So now I have to either wait til the alcohol is gone and then try again......"

Uh, sorry, not looking to be harsh, but this is nonsense.......why?

"I dont think he understands how far my disease has progressed....."

Seems you are correct..........many don't.

YOU can take the needed steps to make the change for YOU.

Seems like relying on him is not going to work well.

You ARE taking the correct steps coming here and asking for help!!!!

Keep it up!

Tom

NEEDTOBESOBER

UPDATE: That morning I was angry about it did a little yelling and then after I calmed down I explained to him, either no alcohol in the house and if he wants to drink he can go toa bar or somewhere else and have a couple of drinks, after that he said I understand and he poured out all the alcohol. and this will be my 2nd day.

Anna

That's great!

parentrecovers

so many enablers/triggers out there - it's seems so valuable no to have to live with it in your home too..

blessings, k

CarolD

Super!!


Now....what is your plan to stay sober?

Blessings to the two of you

Debaucher

I am really glad to see he gets it... now... GL