ladyamalthea

Last week I was upset that I didn't go to see my sister in rehab. I didn't know I was on her list for the week until it was too late... and it really made me feel bad.

Well, I promised her I was coming this week, but lo and behold a friend of mine had a death in the family (her mother, who has had MS for years) and the funeral is Tuesday, which is the visitation day at sis's rehab.

There is a possibility that I could do both, as I don't know what time the funeral is yet. But if there's a conflict, which one would you go to? The funeral is in Alabama (I basically live on the Alabama/ Georgia state line, so that doesn't matter much), and visitation is 30 miles east of Atlanta. So, unless the funeral is around lunch time, it would be very hard to do both.

The other big advantage of seeing sis is that I would be going to an Alanon meeting beforehand; but then again, I could find another meeting to go to. It's just that this is the only time I can really be guaranteed that my parents will be there with me, which is kinda nice.

Which would you do?

kj0975

There will be other times u will be able to visit with your sister and only one time u can go and pay your last respects. Usually the funerals are in the morning around 1030-11a so hopefully that is when it would be. Were u close to the person who passed? Close friends with your friend? Sometimes if I cant make the funeral I send a sympathy card to let them know they are in my thoughts. Do what your comfortable with.

My sister is in jail and I try to go every tues to visit her then other times I dont feel like driving out to see her or I have other things to do. She understands. Can u write your sister? If I dont make it to the visit I send her a letter I think she likes that more than me visiting gives her something to do.

Like I said do what your comfortable with and what u can live with.

lightseeker

just a thought - is there a visitation the night before that you could go to? I always try and pray for guidance in situations like this.

marle

If it were my choice I would go to the funeral. You are paying your respects to a friend's mom. It is the last time to do that. Hopefully you will have many more memories with your sister. I don't mean any disrespect to your sister, but her choices got her where she is and she should understand you wanting to attend the funeral if that is your choice. Hugs, Marle

hope213

i am sorry about your friends mom but it sounds as if you really want to go see your sister.if that is the case go! can you go to the veiwing the day before the funeral? maybe you can make a dish & take it to your friends home the day before the funeral.there is always a way to let your friend know u care & are there for her without going to the funeral.prayers for you & all the ones who loved this lady.

ladyamalthea

Thanks everyone. Hope, I really like your idea about taking her a dish, but I really stink as a cook. Would something like brownies or cookies be acceptable in this case? Or is that too casual sounding?

I know that sounds like a silly question. I just don't have much experience with this kind of stuff.

unsure of

personally i would go to see my sister. as far as your girlfriend you can always go with her when the place the tombstone at her mother burial site many people forget that it is hard to go and see it there for the first time. your friend all have alot of family going in and will have there support at this time. i would support my sister now and my friend as time goes on.

were you close with her mother?

ladyamalthea

No, I have never met her mother. She was in a nursing home for years with MS.

Hangin' In

Lady,

Now being a Georgia gal like you, I'll tell you what we do in my neck of the woods. We tend to take food to the family anytime before the funeral. Most families end up with lots of food, but, nonetheless, it is a way to show you are thinking of them and showing that you care. And you can take brownies, cookies, anything. It's the thought that counts.

I know there have been times when I had conflicts, too, and had to make a choice. I've either gone to the visitation at the funeral home which is usually the day or night before the actual funeral, or have just taken a dish to the home and paid my respects to the family. So there are some options if you do decide you need to go see your sister.

Just say a little prayer, ask your HP what you should do, listen and then go with where you're being led. I don't think there is a right or wrong choice here.

Hugs,
Hangin' In