venusinlibra

I am so frustrated. My ABF informs me that he has to take a job out of town for six weeks. He has known for two weeks but he was "afraid" how I would react. He told me while I was working, so I was blindsided, and thought it was ****** to tell me while I was working. Why not after I get home. If you waited two weeks...why not a few hours.

I think what bothered me I asked him two weeks ago if he was going to take a job out of town and he said no. He asked how I felt. I told him being on the road puts a strain on a relationship. If your relationship is already strained, it can become more strained.

When I tried to ask him a couple of questions on logistics...he blew up at me and stormed out of the house.

Every week it is something different with him. He is going out of town, he isn't, life sucks, blah, blah.

Lately he told me he has been thinking about using everyday. I feel like he is going out of town so he can use again...and no one will know.

Part of me is glad he is going, the other part thinks at the last minute he will change his mind again. He has no patience, is mean as hell sometimes, and completely thoughtless.

Does it get better?

Spiritual Seeker

Does it get better? That's your question. Has it been getting better ? or is it just more of the same? If he is an addict, usually it just gets worse unless you see him actively working a program of recovery + sobriety.

mallowcup

What do you take away from this? I refuse to be the kind of person people are afraid the tell the truth to. I think he told you at work so you wouldn't wig out on him. That's what I would do too if you tend to be a reactionary. Shoot, we're all guilty of doing that. If I know you are going to wig out on me over something I can't change, I'll tell you while you are in a place that you can't pitch a fit.
He waited two weeks to tell you so here's the real question. Why? The real answer. Is he a spineles wimp or are you a reactionary. We always have to check our own inventory must in case.

Cynay

My question would be .... is this the treatment you think you deserve?

If your unhappy, he is mean, you two cant seem to get along at all and your questioning the relationship so much .... why are you doing this? It takes action over time to know if a person can change or if they are what you are looking for in a life partner... what has his actions been and how much time do you want to invest in waiting to find out?

splendra

I like what (((((mallowcup))))) said...am I a person who can't be told the truth because of how I react?

denny57

Yeah, I heard the "you'll wig out" one, too. I've never wigged out on anyone in my life. He sure had me convinced I would, though.

What I ask myself today is do I like the way this person is treating me and I go from there. I don't allow someone else to tell me what my reaction would have been.

minnie

I asked myself if it mattered whether he was drinking or not. If it didn't, then why was I setting the "acceptable behaviour bar" so low for him, when I might not for others?

I did everything I could to show R that it was OK to tell me the truth. I only ever got angry when he lied. It didn't matter, he still lied. His fear of confrontation waaaay pre-dated me.