sthrnraizd

I'm not sure what is bringing up this stuff today, but I am fighting the thoughts of "why", thoughts of having a conversation with him, (that wont happen though). And then feeling emotions of missing him or still loving him.

And all of that is just crap, because he did mean, bad, things to me and our relationship. There's no way in any right mind I would want him back.

I guess it's just a weak moment, I guess I might have some satisfaction if i knew he was tormented just a little by what he did....

CE Girl

I have a "title" for those kinds of days Syn,,,

Romancing the past
Forgetting the truth

Sounds like you got a bit of a balance of BOTH going on

I can speak for me, thinking he would actually WANT to apoligize and recognize what he did is romancing the past. Because of course if he did that, we would have a future. The dream of "la, la land" would live on

Ahhhh, but to remember the CRAP, we are basing ourselves in the reality

Sometimes, that process takes a while and the two conflict. Like riding the see saw, romanicng the past is up, remember the truth is down, back and forth until eventually someone get off an your left with truth that the ride is over

((((((())))))

Peace

Spiritual Seeker

it is not about him. Grieving is natural. Often we are just mourning the loss of the dream we had for what we thought could be. Mourning the loss of a relationship.
I always have to mourn to move on.

chero

Sthrnraizd, I think I wrote the exact same thing not long ago. It's hard to not be consumed with these thoughts and feelings. I remember saying how much better I would feel knowing he was tormented, missing me, miserable, etc...I really thought it would bring me satisfaction. How sad it is.

Stay strong! You are doing great!! And he is suffering...even if it doesn't appear so.

Rella927

((((Sthrnraizd))))

You are doing great hon! We all have those weak moments...they are ok to have just keep focusing on you!

Spirtual Seeker said it great!! "it is not about him. Grieving is natural. Often we are just mourning the loss of the dream we had for what we thought could be. Mourning the loss of a relationship.
I always have to mourn to move on."

So true!!

loveRoy

I do this every morning when I am taking a shower. Guess I need to start hosing off in the front yard!

denny57

I don't believe it's a weakness. As I've learned to let go of expectations, I realize that means of my own, too. I'm going to have the occasional "why" days and that's ok. It's my actions I keep track of.

((()))

sthrnraizd

Overhelmed is what I sense I am feeling. Thus bringing up those emotions. I started school yesterday, and going over finances, contemplating a move in the next 4-5 months. But, I am working it all out on paper and in my head and everything will be just fine in the end! It always is.....this is my new exciting life I am walking into and the fresh bright paint and high walls just kinda caused my to step back a bit. Tomorrow I will still be moving forward.......Thanks Everyone

kglast

i am having those days all week this week (thank you PMS) - i know how hard they are. but i keep waking up each morning and i know one day i will wake up and it won't be the first thing on my mind...i just hope it is soon! best wishes to you!

hopeangel

hey sthrnraizd, sounds like just exactly that- a bad day. if you know it will pass you will be okay. here's hoping tomorrow is better.(((sthrnraizd))) it will be