Hi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1
Hi
hmmm okay. I just want your feedback, i dunno. I've been drinking really heavily since i was 16, (I'm 23 now) and It's caused me so many problems.. Countless injuries, almost dying, hospitilisation basically any problem in my life can be attributed to alcohol. I've been to counsellers but it's never really helped me, they've always been really patronising I feel like they see this decent looking reasonably normal girl and think - suuurre, you're not a toothless dirty homeless turps drinking bum so it's probably not that bad.. well I can drink most people under the table.
It's become my identity, I don't hide it, people know I'm a big drinker and I'm not sure who I'd be without it. But it's stopped me getting anywhere with my life, it's an endless cycle of partying & recovering and I don't have energy for much else. I've wasted so many opportunities & potential, I started off pretty intelligent but I can feel it slowly eating my brain (sorry to be dramatic!) , like i'll be walking down the street and forget how to walk because everything's so fcking strange to me & I'll panic and get anxiety attacks right there on the pavement - I dunno if that's an existential thing or just another million brain cells I've killed.
I don't even know if i actually don't want to stop or if that's the addiction talking? how do you distinguish between the two? I kind of feel like I was born to be an alcoholic, and that it's just who I am and who I was always meant to/going to be.. like a bad cliche, The ****** drunken godawful poet. Maybe I write to justify it. (I'm a terrible writer, so that must be it).
Really, I just needed to say this to someone, an honest anonymous dialogue might help me come to some conclusions.
thanks.
It's become my identity, I don't hide it, people know I'm a big drinker and I'm not sure who I'd be without it. But it's stopped me getting anywhere with my life, it's an endless cycle of partying & recovering and I don't have energy for much else. I've wasted so many opportunities & potential, I started off pretty intelligent but I can feel it slowly eating my brain (sorry to be dramatic!) , like i'll be walking down the street and forget how to walk because everything's so fcking strange to me & I'll panic and get anxiety attacks right there on the pavement - I dunno if that's an existential thing or just another million brain cells I've killed.
I don't even know if i actually don't want to stop or if that's the addiction talking? how do you distinguish between the two? I kind of feel like I was born to be an alcoholic, and that it's just who I am and who I was always meant to/going to be.. like a bad cliche, The ****** drunken godawful poet. Maybe I write to justify it. (I'm a terrible writer, so that must be it).
Really, I just needed to say this to someone, an honest anonymous dialogue might help me come to some conclusions.
thanks.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
well I can drink most people under the table.
Only you can answer weather or not you're an alcoholic. And only you can decide if you want to stop.
I'd read the book "Under the Influence" if I were you.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Sounds like you see your reality differently than your potential. Your addicted brain will speak to you loudly; can you listen to the quiet voice. I had lunch yesterday with a friend's 23 yr old daughter that is home visiting from a long term court ordered treatment. She is 15 months sober. Oh my, the difference from when I saw her 18 months ago is like night and day. She has goals, she is beautiful, she is engaging and she is happy. I wish you well on your journey. Time will pass is your life as you would like it...we only get one shot life is not a dress rehearsal. Best wishes for a wonderful life. I miss my addicted son I hope your parents have the opportunity to have you present in their life.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Hi and Welcome,
It takes a bit of time to recognize the addict voice that's talking to you because this disease takes a very strong hold of our minds, as well as our bodies. But, once you recognize it, you can no longer ignore it.
And, it is an endless cycle and it's a downward spiral unless we can pull ourselves out. You need to really want to be sober if you want it to work, because it's very hard. You can do this and we're here to support you.
It takes a bit of time to recognize the addict voice that's talking to you because this disease takes a very strong hold of our minds, as well as our bodies. But, once you recognize it, you can no longer ignore it.
And, it is an endless cycle and it's a downward spiral unless we can pull ourselves out. You need to really want to be sober if you want it to work, because it's very hard. You can do this and we're here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi, I'm glad you found us and are seeking answers.
I'm also female and started drinking around 14-15 yrs. By the time I was 19, I was drinking daily and was deemed by my employer to have a 'significant drinking problem'. I quit drinking, under their orders, but picked up again after my posting finished the following month.
It took me 14 years to make another attempt at sobriety, and this time under my own steam. I lost a LOT in those 14 years.
Please learn from others' experiences, and get help while you're still young, and there is still time.
I hope you keep posting.
Rowan
I'm also female and started drinking around 14-15 yrs. By the time I was 19, I was drinking daily and was deemed by my employer to have a 'significant drinking problem'. I quit drinking, under their orders, but picked up again after my posting finished the following month.
It took me 14 years to make another attempt at sobriety, and this time under my own steam. I lost a LOT in those 14 years.
Please learn from others' experiences, and get help while you're still young, and there is still time.
I hope you keep posting.
Rowan
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
welcome! i am sorry but you're not an idiot.but i guess i can think idiot is a person who has a lot of ideas.....and the addiction is the lie that you hear telling you'll be better unhappy, don't buy it! I am 22 and i know how it feels. Get yourself together now, there is so much you can do!you're worth it!
stay strong,start over from scratch and make the journey of self love....
stay strong,start over from scratch and make the journey of self love....
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
The very best suggestion I can give you is to read this...
and then you can decide what path to choose...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Welcome to SR...
and then you can decide what path to choose...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Welcome to SR...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: SAN DIEGO, CA
Posts: 379
Hi TI -
(Sorry, I can't bring myself to call you Idiot!!) You're here and asking questions. That's a great start. Keep posting and read, read, read. Go to an AA meeting and just listen. I'll bet you hear stories that sound a lot like yours. You are very young and have a long life in front of you. Only you can choose what to do with it!!
TinLizzy
(Sorry, I can't bring myself to call you Idiot!!) You're here and asking questions. That's a great start. Keep posting and read, read, read. Go to an AA meeting and just listen. I'll bet you hear stories that sound a lot like yours. You are very young and have a long life in front of you. Only you can choose what to do with it!!
TinLizzy
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