What would you do in this situation?
Heard it all before
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Weird NJ
Posts: 43
What would you do in this situation?
It's me again, as always, asking for opinions about something! lol
This is kind of off topic but I think that since all of us here have been through so much and have had to make some really tough decisions that I could get a little help from you guys.
Without getting in to a really long story.......
My best friend (of 25years) and I had a fight almost 2 years ago. Over the years we have had about 3 such type of situations, always brought about by her, and she always was the one to come to me and apologize. We have never not talked for this long a time, ever. I thought this last time might really be the end of our friendship.
Over the years I have really had to walk on eggshells around her moods sometimes and at times I have suspected she has had a problem with alcohol but she always seems to pull it together. I know I'm not perfect by any means either. I figured we were such good friends that we accepted each other, warts and all.
This last 'fight' was mostly her fighting with me. And it was over the internet, not even in person or on the phone. In a nutshell, she invited me to her house for that Christmas since I wasn't talking to my enabling mom that year and I told her that I wasn't sure if my daughter still believed in Santa. (She was 12 at the time and I suspected that she might know the truth, but I wasn't sure.) Well, my friend went off on me! She was ranting about how I'm raising my daughter to believe in fairy tales and going on about women's rights and just insulting me left and right! It was out of nowhere and totally unbelievable. I tried to calm her down and let her know how much she was hurting me but she would not stop. We haven't talked since.
Last week I found out that she has cervical cancer. I don't know how bad (or good) the news is. I know that she has had 2 surgeries and radiation since December. If this doesn't work she will have a radical hysterectomy and chemo. I found this out totally by accident through another friend.
My question.......should I contact her? I can't control whether she will still be mad at me or not. I've thought about contacting her before, but I was never sure what to do. I didn't know if we could ever recover from the last fight. I'll always love her but I don't know if I should say anything right now. She has to know that the news she told the other friend would get back to me. I don't know how to take this.
Besides being all upset about the cancer diagnosis, I'm kind of unsure what to do. Would I be calling if it weren't for the cancer? I wouldn't want something to happen to her and we left things unresolved. The fact that she has cancer makes everything different.
One of my first thoughts when I heard about it was that I was so upset that she had fought with me because if we were still talking I could have been down by her taking care of her when she was ill. She really doesn't have anyone else. I felt so bad for her having to go through that without me. I don't mean that in a selfish way I just mean that we used to always be there for each other and shared everything and there was a time in my life when I know we both thought that if there was anyone in the world we could count on it was each other.
I've always loved her, always will, but I don't know what to do.......
Thanks for listening guys!
This is kind of off topic but I think that since all of us here have been through so much and have had to make some really tough decisions that I could get a little help from you guys.
Without getting in to a really long story.......
My best friend (of 25years) and I had a fight almost 2 years ago. Over the years we have had about 3 such type of situations, always brought about by her, and she always was the one to come to me and apologize. We have never not talked for this long a time, ever. I thought this last time might really be the end of our friendship.
Over the years I have really had to walk on eggshells around her moods sometimes and at times I have suspected she has had a problem with alcohol but she always seems to pull it together. I know I'm not perfect by any means either. I figured we were such good friends that we accepted each other, warts and all.
This last 'fight' was mostly her fighting with me. And it was over the internet, not even in person or on the phone. In a nutshell, she invited me to her house for that Christmas since I wasn't talking to my enabling mom that year and I told her that I wasn't sure if my daughter still believed in Santa. (She was 12 at the time and I suspected that she might know the truth, but I wasn't sure.) Well, my friend went off on me! She was ranting about how I'm raising my daughter to believe in fairy tales and going on about women's rights and just insulting me left and right! It was out of nowhere and totally unbelievable. I tried to calm her down and let her know how much she was hurting me but she would not stop. We haven't talked since.
Last week I found out that she has cervical cancer. I don't know how bad (or good) the news is. I know that she has had 2 surgeries and radiation since December. If this doesn't work she will have a radical hysterectomy and chemo. I found this out totally by accident through another friend.
My question.......should I contact her? I can't control whether she will still be mad at me or not. I've thought about contacting her before, but I was never sure what to do. I didn't know if we could ever recover from the last fight. I'll always love her but I don't know if I should say anything right now. She has to know that the news she told the other friend would get back to me. I don't know how to take this.
Besides being all upset about the cancer diagnosis, I'm kind of unsure what to do. Would I be calling if it weren't for the cancer? I wouldn't want something to happen to her and we left things unresolved. The fact that she has cancer makes everything different.
One of my first thoughts when I heard about it was that I was so upset that she had fought with me because if we were still talking I could have been down by her taking care of her when she was ill. She really doesn't have anyone else. I felt so bad for her having to go through that without me. I don't mean that in a selfish way I just mean that we used to always be there for each other and shared everything and there was a time in my life when I know we both thought that if there was anyone in the world we could count on it was each other.
I've always loved her, always will, but I don't know what to do.......
Thanks for listening guys!
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Give her a call let her know your there for her and that if she needs anything at all u will be there for her. Dont bring up the fight dont bring up anything. She how she reacts to that maybe tell her u miss her and would still like to be friend it might help her feel better knowing u still care.
I have friendships like that too but seems when something tragic happens we put it aside to be there for each other. Our friendship will never be what it once was but we always know we will be there for each other and will always support each other.
I have friendships like that too but seems when something tragic happens we put it aside to be there for each other. Our friendship will never be what it once was but we always know we will be there for each other and will always support each other.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I would tell her just what you told us...that regardless of what happened, it broke your heart to think that you couldn't be there for her...and that you always loved her, and always will.
I have a feeling she;ll be very touched to hear from you.
((((hugs))))
Cece
I have a feeling she;ll be very touched to hear from you.
((((hugs))))
Cece
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
by all means go see her. i would not give notice, me , i would just go.that is what friends do, they do not have to be asked, they r just there. that is me tho...i bet the fight will never be mentioned.let us know the outcome.
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
I would call, definately would and if she reacted in a negative then thats on her but at least you know that you reached out to her. I also wouldnt bring up the past to her either.
Tell us what you decide and how it turns out to!!
Hugs,
jewel
Tell us what you decide and how it turns out to!!
Hugs,
jewel
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: in the south
Posts: 219
life is too short! Go! Take a gift of her favorite flowers, or perhaps a picture of a happy time you shared. Put it in a funny frame.........or just pick some outlandish gift that you know would put a smile on her face! Humor certainly gets you over the first hurdle..........anyway, I am sure she has missed you very much. It takes a big person to extend the olive branch. I am sure she would be so happy to hear from you. hugs to you, dixie
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Sounds like she does not respect your opinions or your choices- which I think is extremely important especially in a friendship. A friend should always accept you wholeheartedly but they needn't put up with direct insults. Friends are here to bring you up and not down.
Maybe you could let her know that you are thinking of her in a subtle way- an email, hand written letter- just letting her know you care. From what you say you can't bear the entire fault for your falling out- sounds like she was the one who orchestrated it to begin with. Do you think she would do the same for you?
Life is too short. Go with your heart.
Maybe you could let her know that you are thinking of her in a subtle way- an email, hand written letter- just letting her know you care. From what you say you can't bear the entire fault for your falling out- sounds like she was the one who orchestrated it to begin with. Do you think she would do the same for you?
Life is too short. Go with your heart.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
well i think that if you want to go, GO. i have a friend like that and we have had fights too, but i think maybe you could put that aside, now may not be the time to hold on to old disagreements. since you don't know how she feels, maybe you could go just because you want to go and that it may make you feel better to go. who knows, she probably feels the same way as you. those kind of friends are hard to come by. so you had differences, no need to hold to that, you are her friend, right? i'm gonna be praying for the both of you
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I can only tell you what I would do, but you will decide what's best for you.
I would put the past behind me, forgive her, and visit or call, or send a card as suggested above, what ever you're comfortable with.
You never know, now that she's going through this very scarey time, she might feel ashamed. Then again, she might not. You would have to decide if you could handle any emotional outburst she hit you with.
Have you asked yourself what you really want to do? Follow your heart.
I would put the past behind me, forgive her, and visit or call, or send a card as suggested above, what ever you're comfortable with.
You never know, now that she's going through this very scarey time, she might feel ashamed. Then again, she might not. You would have to decide if you could handle any emotional outburst she hit you with.
Have you asked yourself what you really want to do? Follow your heart.
Heard it all before
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Weird NJ
Posts: 43
Thank you so much to everyone for your good thoughts and your help.
I've been thinking about this nonstop since I found out.
Not like I didn't think of her a lot of the time anyway, but now I really feel the need to say or do something.
I'm still unsure of what I'll do, but I think I will definitely have to acknowledge it in some way. It may seem silly, but I'm nervous about it!
Maybe I'll just have my other friend pass along my good wishes to start with or send a card. Something small, a first step and see where it goes from there.
I definitely have no intention of bringing up the past. Before when we would have a fight it seems we would make up and just move on and never acknowledge the fight, but sometimes I wonder if that wasn't a mistake because we certainly didn't seem to learn from it as it happened again several times.
I know this isn't the time for it now, but if we are to be friends again I'd like to figure out just what went wrong. That is why I sometimes wonder if it could ever be like it was because I would always be afraid that she could turn on me at any moment.
Anway, thanks so much to everyone for the support, I really appreciate it!
I've been thinking about this nonstop since I found out.
Not like I didn't think of her a lot of the time anyway, but now I really feel the need to say or do something.
I'm still unsure of what I'll do, but I think I will definitely have to acknowledge it in some way. It may seem silly, but I'm nervous about it!
Maybe I'll just have my other friend pass along my good wishes to start with or send a card. Something small, a first step and see where it goes from there.
I definitely have no intention of bringing up the past. Before when we would have a fight it seems we would make up and just move on and never acknowledge the fight, but sometimes I wonder if that wasn't a mistake because we certainly didn't seem to learn from it as it happened again several times.
I know this isn't the time for it now, but if we are to be friends again I'd like to figure out just what went wrong. That is why I sometimes wonder if it could ever be like it was because I would always be afraid that she could turn on me at any moment.
Anway, thanks so much to everyone for the support, I really appreciate it!
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
When I can't figure stuff out... I pray on it.
Then I have to remember to ask God to please make the answer very clear... to speak to me LOUDLY, cause I don't hear too good - but He knows that (smile).
I say a prayer like this right before bed, and ask that the answer be with me when I awake.... so far, I've had very good luck with this method.
((hugs))
If you want to think of it as meditating for the answer... that works, too.
Then I have to remember to ask God to please make the answer very clear... to speak to me LOUDLY, cause I don't hear too good - but He knows that (smile).
I say a prayer like this right before bed, and ask that the answer be with me when I awake.... so far, I've had very good luck with this method.
((hugs))
If you want to think of it as meditating for the answer... that works, too.
Last edited by BigSis; 05-16-2007 at 04:36 PM. Reason: can't spell meditate
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Whatever you do, keep your expectations out of it. I know that is hard to do. Recently I had to decide what to do for my daughter's birthday. She is an addict and I have not seen her for over 2 months. (Walking on eggshells was something I had to do to have a relationship with her, something I could no longer do.) I thought and thought on this and I prayed. In the end I sent a card. It was not a birthday card because it was hard to send a syrupy "Happy Birthday to a Wonderful Daughter" card. But I found the perfect card that expressed my feelings. I sent it because it made me feel better to do it. I don't know if she got it and I don't expect her to respond, but she at least knows that I care. Maybe that is all you can do for your friend now. Even if she does not respond, she will know that you care. Whether or not she responds is up to her. Hugs and hopes that you find your answer, Marle
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I can't imagine fighting with my best friend let alone staying angry so my opinion is call her, go see her, if you have to, apologize, even though it wasn't your fault. life is too short and good friends are hard to find. after talking with her in a week you'll be so glad you did.
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