my mom and brother
On a tear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
What I've learned in Alanon is that I cannot control people, places or things.
I can control me.
I can remove myself from painful situations. I can communicate my needs clearly and if they are not met, remove myself from those people.
Your mom and brother and doing what they do. Perhaps you can hug your mom without expectations of how she will react. Eventually, perhaps she will return the hug. Hugging is a learned thing... maybe she just needs to learn how.
Your brother does not need to visit if he cannot follow your request.
((hugs))
I can control me.
I can remove myself from painful situations. I can communicate my needs clearly and if they are not met, remove myself from those people.
Your mom and brother and doing what they do. Perhaps you can hug your mom without expectations of how she will react. Eventually, perhaps she will return the hug. Hugging is a learned thing... maybe she just needs to learn how.
Your brother does not need to visit if he cannot follow your request.
((hugs))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I too learned to let go of people who were incapable of compassion, affection and respect.
I used to try to convince them that I was worthy, but today I KNOW I am worthy and accept their emotional difficulties as "their" problem and just say a prayer for them.
I would rather be me than them anytime.
Hugs
I used to try to convince them that I was worthy, but today I KNOW I am worthy and accept their emotional difficulties as "their" problem and just say a prayer for them.
I would rather be me than them anytime.
Hugs
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Oh Elli...the families we get, huh?
I agree with the above...the only thing you can do is remove yourself from these situations. We just can't MAKE someone think or act the way we want them to.
Keep working on you...
((((hugs))))
Cece
I agree with the above...the only thing you can do is remove yourself from these situations. We just can't MAKE someone think or act the way we want them to.
Keep working on you...
((((hugs))))
Cece
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i agree with the others, you can't change people you can only change your attitude toward people, try not to allow them to get to you, just stick to your boundaries. keeping you and yours in my prayers
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Elli))))
Thi is so hard, dysfunctional families, I think we all have them.
My sister, who is 9 years older than I am, seems to always grate on my last nerve.
She is a very negative person, and never has anything good to say about anything, plus, she's way too gossipy for my taste.
I came up with a wonderful solution for me. I avoid her.
My opinion is, we need to protect ourselves, (we're the only ones who can) and stay away from people that bring us down.
IMO, your child, your choices in life to do, what YOU feel is right.
Hugs,
Thi is so hard, dysfunctional families, I think we all have them.
My sister, who is 9 years older than I am, seems to always grate on my last nerve.
She is a very negative person, and never has anything good to say about anything, plus, she's way too gossipy for my taste.
I came up with a wonderful solution for me. I avoid her.
My opinion is, we need to protect ourselves, (we're the only ones who can) and stay away from people that bring us down.
IMO, your child, your choices in life to do, what YOU feel is right.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
((Elli))
It seems that when I hear of children who have had mom's like yours they usually become very independent people. That is a good thing. Sometime us dotting mom's think we are doing good, but maybe we should be a little like your mom. I guess finding a balance is what I am trying to say. Love her for who she is, she probably thinks she is doing right, and doesn't mean to hurt you.
As far as the babies name........Is there a cute little nickname that could be derived the the new name? Maybe your brother would like that, if that is okay with you.
Sometimes when we make a decision, we have to live with the decision we make and let it go. Don't loose sleep over it, I'm sure in time it will all be yesterday's news.
Hugs...........Lo
It seems that when I hear of children who have had mom's like yours they usually become very independent people. That is a good thing. Sometime us dotting mom's think we are doing good, but maybe we should be a little like your mom. I guess finding a balance is what I am trying to say. Love her for who she is, she probably thinks she is doing right, and doesn't mean to hurt you.
As far as the babies name........Is there a cute little nickname that could be derived the the new name? Maybe your brother would like that, if that is okay with you.
Sometimes when we make a decision, we have to live with the decision we make and let it go. Don't loose sleep over it, I'm sure in time it will all be yesterday's news.
Hugs...........Lo
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: south florida
Posts: 80
some people are like that.
Maybe your mom doesent want to get into it with you every time about feelings and love and touchy fealy stuff maybe she is a old lady and is just tired of it. maybe she just wants to be done raising kids?
You can just asume that she loves you and forget about draging it out of her maybe?
maybe she don't want to hear it. maybe when you came over she is thinking to her self O'boy hear we go again.
your dad is nice to you because you will allways be his little girl maybe?
and that renaming your kid did not do you any favors,in hind sight can't you see how maybe folks would kind of think that is a little odd
maybe you are not the only one that is a little loopy or messed up in your fammily,but maybe they just don't want to deal with there own issues or with yours ,and you kind have to kind of respect that,or accept it ?
you asked for any comments on your post,so i figured i would give a crack at it.
I used allot of maybes and question marks because i ain't trying to hurt your feelings, and you are a girl and i don't realy know what you are thinking and even the normal ones are half nuts.
maybe this other point of view could help you see another side of the story.
Maybe your mom doesent want to get into it with you every time about feelings and love and touchy fealy stuff maybe she is a old lady and is just tired of it. maybe she just wants to be done raising kids?
You can just asume that she loves you and forget about draging it out of her maybe?
maybe she don't want to hear it. maybe when you came over she is thinking to her self O'boy hear we go again.
your dad is nice to you because you will allways be his little girl maybe?
and that renaming your kid did not do you any favors,in hind sight can't you see how maybe folks would kind of think that is a little odd
maybe you are not the only one that is a little loopy or messed up in your fammily,but maybe they just don't want to deal with there own issues or with yours ,and you kind have to kind of respect that,or accept it ?
you asked for any comments on your post,so i figured i would give a crack at it.
I used allot of maybes and question marks because i ain't trying to hurt your feelings, and you are a girl and i don't realy know what you are thinking and even the normal ones are half nuts.
maybe this other point of view could help you see another side of the story.
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