Starting a new job - afraid of "self sabatoge"
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 62
Starting a new job - afraid of "self sabatoge"
I went on a job interview today. I recieved word that the decision was being made between me and 1 other possible applicant....but I got the feeling that I was chosen....as I was asked about my avaliability this friday for orientation. I will have "finial" word by tomarrow I believe. But at this point it looks like I got the job.
I am very afraid now. I am having some major anxiety. I have had alot of trouble with self-sabotage and I don't know how to avoid it. I want to avoid it this time....but I still haven't learned *how* to do so. I read somewhere that expecting a diffrent result - from the same exact behavior- is the deffinition of crazy. How can I expect a diffrent result (a good one) when I haven't changed my behavior or gone to a therapist to lean what I need to do to change? I am having feelings of fear of my possible employer finding out how incompitent I am (I have been fired before) and I am already imagining myself slipping up, doing something stupid, and loosing my job. BEFORE I'M EVEN HIRED!!!! How crazy is that???
For a bit of backround....I haven't worked for nearly 1 1/2 years. When I was let go from my last job...I slipped into a state of anxiety, fear, and depression. I didn't know what I was doing wrong and felt like no matter what I would do I would never succeed...so I didn't even want to try anymore. It hurt to much to try, to get attached, to put everything I had into a job, and then to be let go and disguarded like trash. I hurts. I don't know what to do or how to avoid these issue agian.
Obviousley I can not afford therapy and I will not be eligable for benifits for 90 days. How do I avoid self sabatoge if I haven't learned how not to sabatoge myself?
I am very afraid now. I am having some major anxiety. I have had alot of trouble with self-sabotage and I don't know how to avoid it. I want to avoid it this time....but I still haven't learned *how* to do so. I read somewhere that expecting a diffrent result - from the same exact behavior- is the deffinition of crazy. How can I expect a diffrent result (a good one) when I haven't changed my behavior or gone to a therapist to lean what I need to do to change? I am having feelings of fear of my possible employer finding out how incompitent I am (I have been fired before) and I am already imagining myself slipping up, doing something stupid, and loosing my job. BEFORE I'M EVEN HIRED!!!! How crazy is that???
For a bit of backround....I haven't worked for nearly 1 1/2 years. When I was let go from my last job...I slipped into a state of anxiety, fear, and depression. I didn't know what I was doing wrong and felt like no matter what I would do I would never succeed...so I didn't even want to try anymore. It hurt to much to try, to get attached, to put everything I had into a job, and then to be let go and disguarded like trash. I hurts. I don't know what to do or how to avoid these issue agian.
Obviousley I can not afford therapy and I will not be eligable for benifits for 90 days. How do I avoid self sabatoge if I haven't learned how not to sabatoge myself?
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Mlynn,
Maybe if you shared a list of the ways in which you self-sabotaged last time...we could think a bit and come up with some creative ways to monitor yourself and keep yourself on course this time.
What did you do then that you don't want to do this time? What did you do that perhaps wasn't fair (to them or to you), wasn't the smartest, wasn't productive?
Just throw 'em down here. Be brutally honest with yourself. We don't judge.
(Leave their faults out of it for now; we all know they're not innocent of wrongdoing but that's another conversation)
This is a brilliant bit of recovery you're doing right now!!!!
GL
Maybe if you shared a list of the ways in which you self-sabotaged last time...we could think a bit and come up with some creative ways to monitor yourself and keep yourself on course this time.
What did you do then that you don't want to do this time? What did you do that perhaps wasn't fair (to them or to you), wasn't the smartest, wasn't productive?
Just throw 'em down here. Be brutally honest with yourself. We don't judge.
(Leave their faults out of it for now; we all know they're not innocent of wrongdoing but that's another conversation)
This is a brilliant bit of recovery you're doing right now!!!!
GL
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: south east
Posts: 216
Congrats MLynn, that is great news. For me when my 'mental committee' is running on and on like that it is best for me just to just sometimes identify the feeling, which is usually one or two words, like fearful, anxious, etc, and meditate on that feeling. Just kind of be quiet and still and experience feeling that way. The buzzing in my head really doesn't matter, it's the feeling that is propelling all that chatter. If the chatter and the mental obsession gets really bad, which with me it usually does, I try to type out all the chatter until the buzzing stops. In those times, which are frequent because I frequently get mental obsession over things I think I am not in control of (like if I mentally map out all 750,000 possibilities I'll be ready for anything, or something) I find that if I type until I get tired, which usually isn't near as much as I thought it was going to be, I have a bit more peace and serenity in my head. Getting it out of my body through typing or writing seems to help a whole lot. I do find that the feelings, if I am not careful, can propel me into old behaviors. For me the solution is almost always to be still and quiet when I am feeling anxious like that, while my body/mouth wants to pop off and say stupid stuff and kind of release my anxiety in some way by hopping around or talking or whatever, which is almost always the wrong thing to do (when I'm actually at work or in a conversation with work people, etc). I have had a terrible time with jobs in my adult life. I understand a little better why now; but it has really made a huge impact on me financially. Of course the first three steps, over and over as many times as I need to is really the solution, but sometimes I need to shut up the committee before I can get quiet enough to mentally move through those steps in my head and heart
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
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I believe most of us "self sabotage" because we do not feel ourselves deserving of success. Some of us find it hard to accept gifts or praise or recognition. We find it hard to tell people how we feel becuase we think nobody really cares or have the time to listen to us. It is a form of low self esteem.
You got the job because your employers see a quality in you preferable to the other candidates.Let them make the choice whether they keep you or let you go. Don't short circuit your carreer.Do your best and know that you deserve to be successful just as much as anybody out there.
You got the job because your employers see a quality in you preferable to the other candidates.Let them make the choice whether they keep you or let you go. Don't short circuit your carreer.Do your best and know that you deserve to be successful just as much as anybody out there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 62
UPDATE: Got the job!!!!
Well, I got the job. I am very excited, anxious, nervous, and hopeful all at the same time. I am really going to work hard to put this self sabotaging behavior behind me.
The first possitive is that I will be starting my job THIS MONDAY. Woohoo
The second possitive - is that now that I have secure employment I signed up for driving lessons - 8 hours of them - so that I can re-gain my indapendence by learning to rely on myself for transportation. Driving lessons start on tuesday - the day after my first day at work!!!
I have a few issues to work out - but I am also looking into housing. I want wait until I have had this job for atleast 6 months - have been in therapy (my first paycheck I am going to use to get into therapy ) for a good amount of time - and I feel healthy and secure in my ability to care for my self - before I look into moving out. My last attempt at moving out crashed and burned - I became overwhelmed - and burned out. Alot of was going on and I didn't have ANY resources to cope. I didn't know about ACA or Alanon or that my issues were preventable and stem from being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
I want to move SLOWLY and VERY delibritley. I don't want to rush into ANYTHING or make any assumptions about what will come next. I just want to take it one day at a time, focus on that specific day, and work hard to make this new job a stepping stone for getting my life back togehter.
The first possitive is that I will be starting my job THIS MONDAY. Woohoo
The second possitive - is that now that I have secure employment I signed up for driving lessons - 8 hours of them - so that I can re-gain my indapendence by learning to rely on myself for transportation. Driving lessons start on tuesday - the day after my first day at work!!!
I have a few issues to work out - but I am also looking into housing. I want wait until I have had this job for atleast 6 months - have been in therapy (my first paycheck I am going to use to get into therapy ) for a good amount of time - and I feel healthy and secure in my ability to care for my self - before I look into moving out. My last attempt at moving out crashed and burned - I became overwhelmed - and burned out. Alot of was going on and I didn't have ANY resources to cope. I didn't know about ACA or Alanon or that my issues were preventable and stem from being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
I want to move SLOWLY and VERY delibritley. I don't want to rush into ANYTHING or make any assumptions about what will come next. I just want to take it one day at a time, focus on that specific day, and work hard to make this new job a stepping stone for getting my life back togehter.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: south florida
Posts: 80
your cool.
it's all rite .
i get nervious the few times that i went to go get a new job.
and when you loose your job you are suposed to feel nervious and anxious also.because you are out on your @$$ without a job,that is nerve wracking.
you dont need to be using there benifits to see a shrink.
you are just sort of hard on your self.for being nervious.
I am nervious allot and self destruction is my middle name,but i don't let that stop me.I don't know if nervious is the word so much as slap freaking nuts. but don't let it be your problem.let it be theres .just go do your thing.to hell with it all,and try to laugh at it.
I hope that you find out like i have that it is not you it is the world.
it's all rite .
i get nervious the few times that i went to go get a new job.
and when you loose your job you are suposed to feel nervious and anxious also.because you are out on your @$$ without a job,that is nerve wracking.
you dont need to be using there benifits to see a shrink.
you are just sort of hard on your self.for being nervious.
I am nervious allot and self destruction is my middle name,but i don't let that stop me.I don't know if nervious is the word so much as slap freaking nuts. but don't let it be your problem.let it be theres .just go do your thing.to hell with it all,and try to laugh at it.
I hope that you find out like i have that it is not you it is the world.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 323
Originally Posted by Mlynn 
I went on a job interview today. I recieved word that the decision was being made between me and 1 other possible applicant....but I got the feeling that I was chosen....as I was asked about my avaliability this friday for orientation. I will have "finial" word by tomarrow I believe. But at this point it looks like I got the job.
I am very afraid now. I am having some major anxiety. I have had alot of trouble with self-sabotage and I don't know how to avoid it. I want to avoid it this time....but I still haven't learned *how* to do so. I read somewhere that expecting a diffrent result - from the same exact behavior- is the deffinition of crazy. How can I expect a diffrent result (a good one) when I haven't changed my behavior or gone to a therapist to lean what I need to do to change? I am having feelings of fear of my possible employer finding out how incompitent I am (I have been fired before) and I am already imagining myself slipping up, doing something stupid, and loosing my job. BEFORE I'M EVEN HIRED!!!! How crazy is that???
For a bit of backround....I haven't worked for nearly 1 1/2 years. When I was let go from my last job...I slipped into a state of anxiety, fear, and depression. I didn't know what I was doing wrong and felt like no matter what I would do I would never succeed...so I didn't even want to try anymore. It hurt to much to try, to get attached, to put everything I had into a job, and then to be let go and disguarded like trash. I hurts. I don't know what to do or how to avoid these issue agian.
Obviousley I can not afford therapy and I will not be eligable for benifits for 90 days. How do I avoid self sabatoge if I haven't learned how not to sabatoge myself?
I am very afraid now. I am having some major anxiety. I have had alot of trouble with self-sabotage and I don't know how to avoid it. I want to avoid it this time....but I still haven't learned *how* to do so. I read somewhere that expecting a diffrent result - from the same exact behavior- is the deffinition of crazy. How can I expect a diffrent result (a good one) when I haven't changed my behavior or gone to a therapist to lean what I need to do to change? I am having feelings of fear of my possible employer finding out how incompitent I am (I have been fired before) and I am already imagining myself slipping up, doing something stupid, and loosing my job. BEFORE I'M EVEN HIRED!!!! How crazy is that???
For a bit of backround....I haven't worked for nearly 1 1/2 years. When I was let go from my last job...I slipped into a state of anxiety, fear, and depression. I didn't know what I was doing wrong and felt like no matter what I would do I would never succeed...so I didn't even want to try anymore. It hurt to much to try, to get attached, to put everything I had into a job, and then to be let go and disguarded like trash. I hurts. I don't know what to do or how to avoid these issue agian.
Obviousley I can not afford therapy and I will not be eligable for benifits for 90 days. How do I avoid self sabatoge if I haven't learned how not to sabatoge myself?
This is me to a t. I posted in your other thread about your new job.
Last edited by butterflylover; 05-21-2007 at 08:37 PM.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
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you deserve the best life ever. you deserve this job. you deserve to be happy. i remember being unemployed for over a year and i believe it was because subconsciously i didnt believe i was worth employing. ive found the 12 step programs, mainly alanon for me, is priceless. there are no dues for membership and its the gentlest program. thats what appealed to me. also there are community programs that help people with counselling and more particular issues. you might have them in your city/town. take it one day at a time. read. do affirmations. theres a great book called
"I could do anything if only I knew what it was" by barbara cher. theres a good chapter about the fears of success.
i didnt fear failure in my past because i felt safe in obscurity and didnt have to fear the loss of my achievments, posessions if i was impoverished. success meant widening the contrast between my life and those of my family and friends. it meant accepting i was responsible for me, noone was going to ever, EVER come and take care of me. i had to let go of wanting to be loved "as a child". so that i could be loved as an adult, grow as an adult. my unemployment was a manifestation of low self worth but also for a time, necessary to process the pain with these realisations.
new things can often scare me because in the past change always meant pain and fear, it meant terror. the other shoe didnt just drop it stamped and trod all over me. no wonder im fretful with new situations. its sort of like new shoes. it takes time to get comfortable and familiar with a good job, with money to buy whatever you need and want, to be loved fully as you are and to be valued. i believe you can achieve anything in your life and i want to wish you congratulations on your job. focus on all the good work youve done and how competent you are to have been given this job. you deserve it and you deserve to be responsible for your own life. you have the right to beleive in yourself and shine. being small serves no purpose. shining bright shows others that its possible but mostly it shows yourself that you are capable and that you are still here. peace and congrats again.
"I could do anything if only I knew what it was" by barbara cher. theres a good chapter about the fears of success.
i didnt fear failure in my past because i felt safe in obscurity and didnt have to fear the loss of my achievments, posessions if i was impoverished. success meant widening the contrast between my life and those of my family and friends. it meant accepting i was responsible for me, noone was going to ever, EVER come and take care of me. i had to let go of wanting to be loved "as a child". so that i could be loved as an adult, grow as an adult. my unemployment was a manifestation of low self worth but also for a time, necessary to process the pain with these realisations.
new things can often scare me because in the past change always meant pain and fear, it meant terror. the other shoe didnt just drop it stamped and trod all over me. no wonder im fretful with new situations. its sort of like new shoes. it takes time to get comfortable and familiar with a good job, with money to buy whatever you need and want, to be loved fully as you are and to be valued. i believe you can achieve anything in your life and i want to wish you congratulations on your job. focus on all the good work youve done and how competent you are to have been given this job. you deserve it and you deserve to be responsible for your own life. you have the right to beleive in yourself and shine. being small serves no purpose. shining bright shows others that its possible but mostly it shows yourself that you are capable and that you are still here. peace and congrats again.
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