thiskidknows

Its friday again, I've just got back from counselling which was emotionally difficult that I ended up going to the flat where for 5 years he ab*used me, the area is where my father ab*sed me, where I was r**** twice I don't know why I went back but it has triggered too much for me, when I had to get out of the area the car wouldn't start. after panic attack i'm now home but I really need a drink, I'm shaking, I can't stop the flashbacks and I want to drink. I can't go out or I know I will end up in the pub or at the shops. I don't want to cause I am feeling Su*, and I know that drink will push me over the feeling and into action. Please how can i control this monster before it eat away please.

topetah

first off let me tell you im very sorry to hear what has happend to you. no one should go threw that. right now you want to excape. your head is going in all directions and negative thoughts are all you can think about. please dont let the past perdict your future. what happened happened you cant do anything about that. but you can rise up above this and stay clean. drinking today will only hurt and increase the pain. sometimes we need to go back and try and figure out why this has happened. maybe thats why you went to that place. you are worth it. you are worth being sober. dont give in to those old feelings. your addiction craves that. do something else with your time today. one thing you should do is call your counsler right now and explain how you are feeling. thats what they are there for. you can do this. and we are here to help you. if you need to post all day to get over it do that. just dont drink. i promiss once you over come these feelings and you wake up sober tomarrow you will feel much better because you did it on your own. i hope the best and let us know how your doing. jason

Anna

Hi lost child,

I'm sorry this is hard for you. There are really good ways to stop flashbacks in their tracks before they begin to affect you emotionally. You have at least a 90 second window, in which you can choose to remove the thought from your mind. I know panic attacks are scary, but you can begin to help yourself:


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html

thiskidknows

when i was sitting in my car, so many thoughts went thru my head, drive my car straight into the wall of the house I used to live in, gas myself out in my car..jump over the A-bridge..but something told me to go home and then the car wouldn't start, which then told me I was meant to suffer more, that I had to endure more flashbacks, more memories, deeper thoughts....why are people out to get me. I'm tierd from fighting, I'm tierd finding everything a struggled, i'm tierd from feeling really down, i'm tierd from pushing myself over the edge, from insulting myself, from hating myself so much I can't stop frecking crying now either, how weak and pathetic. This is really difficult I would be in the pub by now, I would have had the shot to calm me down, the first pint to level my head out...I've just had another flashback, I don't want to remember no more I feel out of control again.

Anna

Hi Lost Child,

Hang in there. Please talk to your dr and counsellor and get their advice. They may be able to offer suggestions. Are you taking meds for the anxiety? That might help too if your dr thinks it's a good idea.

thiskidknows

I can't see the doctor until next Friday I did call as I said I would and nothing until next week, I can't wait that long and I told them they said to call back everyday for a cancellation, I can't get hold of my counsellor she's probably in another session. I'm not taking anything for my anxiety, they were monitoring it at the other docs to try and see if I could control it as she didn't want to give me meds, she was a very strict doctor, now I've changed doctors cause I moved cause of my violent ex (not that it took him long to find me), so i've got to start again, explaining everything, how I feel..its so difficult it feels like I ask for support and nothing happens. my counsellor did however ask me to think about going into a sanctury for the Su*, which I am thinking about. sorry for posting and takin up ur time. sorry

Missymae737

Dear Lost Child,

Please go to the sanctuary where you will be safe...People do care about you, you need to believe this!

There is so much of life waiting for you, if you will just reach out for help. You don't have to live in pain anymore...

Thinking of you...

noprob

Wow and I thought I have it bad (day),this just proves to me I really need to stay out of my thoughts unless positive thoughts.
My heart goes out to you lost child.
May my God to my understanding help and comfort you in your time of need.
What helped me when I was where you are is seek out those that are like minded as I (AA meetings),tho I didn't realize it at that time.
It sure beats the alternative.

KOKO

thiskidknows

you can only go for a maximum of 4 nites and there's no follow up support after I guess that's the only reason I'm scared of going is that after 4 days, I'm back on my own...spending 169 hours a week trying to hold it together...but at the moment I am desperate and will speak to them and see when I can go in, even if for a day

Slightly Batty

Hello lost child,
I've been away from the boards for a long time. I just read your post and felt I had to reply. I'm praying for you,and please, go to the sanctuary if you can. Anything to give yourself a break from the pain of holding everything in. To give yourself a chance to even temporarily stop the constant holding it in as you say, will help you. I'm also hoping and praying you are able to get in to see your doctor a little sooner.
You are not alone.

ayla zaire

lost.....keep reaching out, you will see that there are many people who care about you......

you do not have to live like this......you do not have to be a slave to your past....there are ways to get through this, and get well.....

we are always here for you if you need us.....keep posting and let us know how you are.....

Missymae737

Dear Lost Child,

I am stretching my arm and hand through cyberspace and I will walk with you to the sanctuary...You are not alone.

Just twenty-fours hours away from the pain, may give you the strength to begin to heal the hurt that imprisons you.

Anna

Lost Child,

Hang in there!

Can you go to an emergency room at a hospital if you're feeling overwhelmed? They may be able to give you some direction.

And, you are never bothering us with your posts. I just wish we could help.

Dee74

but you're not on your own lc ...we're all here...I know it's not great and it falls a long way short of physically being there, but we'll do our best...and I think you're right, even a day in the sanctuary with some people who understand and will help will be good...

I'm sorry about all the flashbacks and stuff, but please try and remember that you are in a different place now, and on a different road...deny those memories power over you.

thinking of you
D

angie9

Hey lostchild im sending a cyber hug out to you and please please stay with us posting here and if it gets bad please please go to sanctuary you are a lovely special person and Ive being reading your posts and wishing I could do more too to help,
keep in contact via the message board with all of us ok
Ang

Pilgrim

LC. You did great ringing the doctor and although it may not seem like it right now, you are doing really well posting here and telling us what is going on. You have taken some big steps today doing those two things.

I am hoping that you are in the sancturay now. That is my next wish for you. From there, you can gather your thoughts and speak to us about how to deal with things when you come out.

We are not going away. We are all here with you.

Love and hugs,

xXBacktoBlackXx

I am praying for you. I wish you the best. I hope that you are finding the sanctuary.

thiskidknows

I told my family last nite that I was seriously considering going into a sanctuary for a few days because of how I'm feeling it didn't go down to well..as they put it "oh u really are feeling su* then" we had a massive arguement when I was told, why bother trying to save yourself ur an alocholic with no life there no chance of u ever changing, give up trying. This morning I received a phone call from my mum, my step father had a massive heart attack at 7:30, and is now in a bad way in hospital..I said I would go to the hospital and see him, be with her (despite us not getting on, and the arguements) and he's family have called me telling me not to go near the hospital cause its my fault for puttin stress on them, why did I have to say anything to them...I'm worried sick about my step-father, we don't get on but I don't want him to die. The first thing I done when he's children started calling, I opened a can. Why can't they just accept me, why can't they love me for me, why do I get blamed for everything that happens. I really can't deal with at the moment..too much is going on

Missymae737

Hi Lost Child,

Put the focus on you...I am sorry your family has treated you so unfair. Maybe they don't understand addiction, still, it is no excuse for their behavior towards you..

Take care of you...Thinking of you...