thiskidknows

I tried and tried all day and I've got to that time and I've failed..I've opened a can and started to drink. I looked at it and tried to fight it I just feel apart. why can't I get past that as nite draws in line..why can I get past lunchtime (well the last 2 days I have) but I can't get past nites. - I failed again..BIG FAT FAILURE. FAILURE FAILURE FAILURE.

As my eyes close
my life is about to end
but wot awaits me is my friend
Peace from earth,
this has to have some worth
no more dark skies,
no late nite cries
no living in pain
not feeling insane
isolated I won't be
that I can guarantee
the chains that binded me
are broken, now I'm free
I can spread my wings once more
no longer will I be anyones *****
no more demons in my way
now I'm free, I'll be ok.
don't cry any tears
cause now I have no fears
I'm living my life, I'm free
just not here, this place I can't be
I couldn't breath, I couldn't be me
now I'm heaven I can be me again

FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED..WHY FIGHT WHEN ALL I DO IS FAIL.

Anna

You'll be okay Lost Child.

For me, I couldn't keep alcohol in the house. Do you have to go out to buy it or do you have it at home? If you have to go out to buy it, make a plan, so that next time you get the urge to jump in the car, phone a friend, take a bubble bath, walk the dog, anything different. If you have the booze at home, then get rid of it.

The nights are always hard, especially if you can't sleep, but again you can plan. Have a good movie on hand to put in the DVD player or a good book to read. Each time you get through an urge, you'll get stronger. That's how it works.

thiskidknows

I have alcohol in the house, well one bottle which I found today and my flat mate has drink..but she's out most nites so its always there, so we don't see each other..she just tells me I drink too much.

I went out brought the lager, vodka that I have now...I went on auto, couldn't deal with it and went straight out, as u say I literally did jump in the car...I do need to make a plan cause when I get the urge i don't think it has to be in my face so to speak..otherwise I forget, and can't distract myself cause I can't think straight.

sorry, cryin need to get awy fro pc

Rowan

We will be here when you are ready, Lost.

stone

Hi lost, you have not failed you are an alcoholic, you are doing what we do-until we stop. I don't have much actual advice, I have been on a binge recently so I know how hard it is. Even before that I was hardly doing well but I was doing better, thinking more clearly, less depression, but still had trouble getting passed the 14 days mark. I am trying again now, I wouldn't treat a dog like this so why do I do it to myself? You don't deserve all this pain.

SaTiT

How can you fail in a battle that can't be won ?

Even after I attended AA, I wouldn't stopped drinking
no matter how much I tried. I consider myself to be
a strong will person. My self will lasted for days to
weeks, but i ended drunk again.

Everything was a blurrr. I'll have glims of clearity.
After serveral relapsed. I became really sick. I draged
my ass to a meeting no matter what. The folks in AA
never judged me. But I still couldn't grasp this staying
sober bussiness. I knew I had a drinking probelm, but
I didn't know how to stop.

I had a glims oneday sitting with my back against the wall in a meeting.
I looked at step # 1 and the word POWERLESS caught my
mind and attention...

I pondered it for days...what POWERLESS ment.
How did it apply to me..
What was my experince with alcohol..

I had an awakening

1_day@_a_time

As alcoholics, that what we do, we drink

For me, the words strong willed mean nothing.

This is a disease.

I had to treat it like one.......and treating it myself was a lost cause.

I learned when I was sick & tired of being sick and tired, I took direction.

I could not do it myself.

Keep reaching out.......

Tom

thiskidknows

Stone, I've never seen that in black and white and associated to me...I can't say the word sorry. I realise i'm not in control of drink anymore, and that it now controls me and is having a bad effect on my every day life and my future...I know that, if I don't change I will end up dead, which is why I'm in counselling, which is why I came to the boards, something inside doesn't want to give up, but that something needs to come thru and soon i've been on my knees crying and I don't cry that often.

1_day@_a_time

why don't you try formal recovery?

thiskidknows

How do u mean, what's formal recovery?

1_day@_a_time

Like AA or something & not doing it alone

angie9

hey lost you can do it please keep posting as I read all posts here for inspiration but in saying that I cracked and in sunday did a stuiped stuiped thing I drank two bottles of wine and took 8 of my husbands ammatripatyne tablets I truely felt I couldnt fight the fight I was and am so dam tired of fighting with myself Im sick of it all and yes I nearly died but i didnt now that I have pysch crare with councelling I feel like that maybe maybe I can get there but its gonna be hard I can say Ive gone for four nights and please with help can continue so please please try and I will think and hope and wish you peace and positive thoughts for you... hope ive explained myself, with the help here we can get better ( and Im telling myself this as well)
Ang

Scottso

Pick up the phone! It's really not as heavy as it looks!

Without a support network, none of us can do this. It took me a long time to figure that one out. Hopefully it won't take you as long. You don't HAVE to drink.

Scott

hope3

You slipped, now stop slapping yourself and

get back up and dust urself off.

Make some plans to fill those annoying

night time lows that give you trouble.

Remember, make a plan, and work it.

hope3

Dee74

LC,

to me this sentence shows you're winning...but it's a long hard road, and a long battle...but I believe it can be won, just so long as you keep fighting...

I'm really worried about you trying to do it alone...is your flatmate no help ? what about your friends ?

D

Alive

The fact that you are trying is very good. It's a step to recovery. Somebody with a soul with so much to say will make it. I know, if you let that beautiful soul pour positive things you will be all you can be.

God bless
Karim

SaTiT

that damn phone felt like 2 tons.
it got lite...i know..
I picked it up and put it down, i pick it up and put it down.
So i put it down...it took me 2 more days to find a number to dial.
In the grip of it all

hope3

Hi Lost, here's part of the answer...

Plans:
1. Initially the plan for the alcoholic is to get dry, alcohol free.

2. Then to understand fully what alcoholism is and how they became one not the myths... I suggest getting the book "Under the Influence" Only &7.99

Those two things are important so the alcoholic can start working
on things in their lives that will give them true happiness, rather than false
happiness from a bottle.

How an alcoholic works on themselves can be done in many ways. The more the alcoholic arms themselves with different tools the higher percentage at long term sobriety and happiness.

Some tools might include: Alcohol counseling, nutritional counseling, and a proven recovery program.

I say these things because everything I've read pretty much states the same things....

One of the best books to help me understand my addictions, as physiological and not psychological as many myths would have it is "Under the Influence"

Here is and excerpt from Chap 8 Regarding getting the alcoholic into treatment.


According to the book Page 132, chap 8 regarding recovery: “Bill Wilson, cofounder of A.A., lamented the fact that, in his estimation, only 1 alcoholic in 18 was able to start his sobriety in A.A.” (Read on I'm not saying A.A. is not important, or any other recovery program).

The book talks about A.A. being a very successful program for continuing sobriety through the 12 steps and fellowship. “A.A. has helped tens of thousands of alcoholics to get and stay sober, and has also been the most powerful force in getting society to accept alcoholism as a treatable disease.”(pg, 141)

Thank-you A.A.

The book “Under the Influence” refers to the alcoholic’s best chances of recovery with these things in place:

1. In-patient medical detoxification;
2. A 4 week minimum of in-patient care;
3. Educational programs which stress the physical basis of the disease and its role in causing psychological and social symptoms;
4. Intensive nutritional therapy and education;
5. Strong emphasis on A.A. for long term sobriety;
6. Thorough follow up care;
7. Involvement in the family in treatment and follow up care.*

In a lot of instances many people have become and stayed sober with with just one, two or maybe three of the above.

However, my main point is there isn’t any one thing that is 100% a guarantee, but a combination of the above empowers and arms an individual with higher % of recovery.

I wish you the best in life, and I hope this is of some help...< hope3