day 4 and not happy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
day 4 and not happy
With 76 days clean, I never thought one small slip up would set me so far back. I was feeling so good. and now I am back to that state of stinking thinking. I feel absolutely depressed. I know it is normal to slip, but I didint think it would send my spiritual journey this far of track. I am back to the negative, and the person I love the most (other than myself) I have been avoiding. I feel like I found myself for a little while and now I am lost again. feeling really lost and worried I wont be able to get back to where I was... I was actually feeling happy after about the third week, nOw I feel absolutely miserable. The weekend is coming and instead of welcoming the time off. I am afraid to be home. I have to stay in control. I hope I can do this.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Hi Bfree,
I think it is expected that the addict voice will be talking loudly to you now because it sees a spot in the armour. But, you can recognize it for what it is and tell it to get lost. You don't need to go further down to get over this, you can move forward.
I think it is expected that the addict voice will be talking loudly to you now because it sees a spot in the armour. But, you can recognize it for what it is and tell it to get lost. You don't need to go further down to get over this, you can move forward.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
bfree4u anna nailed it, King Alcohol has just recently had an opening and is trying to exploit it while the wound is still fresh. Hang in there, even though it may be pure dee hell right now, it will get better quicker this go around, you have lost nothing really, you have gained a lesson, learn from the mistake.
Get back into what ever you were doing that led to those 76 days and add some more to it.
Get back into what ever you were doing that led to those 76 days and add some more to it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
********** ANNA}}}}}
my only deire is to keep moving up, but I feel like I am moving backwards. Even though I am not using, the way I have been thinking I might as well. I wont, but it seems like everything is coming to slow. I need a FT job. I absolutely need to find an apartment. I was told yesterday I am holding back my friends plans. He wantst to move, but has been delaying worrying about where I will go. So now it has just added more worry to an already troubled mind . My life is so unstable and I just dont know anymore if I will ever be able to float above the s***. Feel like balling my eyes out but I have to force myself to go to work. It is probably the only thing grounding me right now. Anway Anna thanks so much you have always been here for me. I know for awhile there was a problem with some of my threads when I was full of anger. That attitude chased away many friends that I met here. Some have never answered my threads again. No matter what you have always been there and I greatly appreciate it.
my only deire is to keep moving up, but I feel like I am moving backwards. Even though I am not using, the way I have been thinking I might as well. I wont, but it seems like everything is coming to slow. I need a FT job. I absolutely need to find an apartment. I was told yesterday I am holding back my friends plans. He wantst to move, but has been delaying worrying about where I will go. So now it has just added more worry to an already troubled mind . My life is so unstable and I just dont know anymore if I will ever be able to float above the s***. Feel like balling my eyes out but I have to force myself to go to work. It is probably the only thing grounding me right now. Anway Anna thanks so much you have always been here for me. I know for awhile there was a problem with some of my threads when I was full of anger. That attitude chased away many friends that I met here. Some have never answered my threads again. No matter what you have always been there and I greatly appreciate it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Beth, I have faith that you can do this, I really do.
Try to deal with things one a time. Are you actively applying for jobs? If so, keep it up and don't take 'no' for an answer. Call back and ask what's happening. You deserve a chance to prove yourself.
Try to deal with things one a time. Are you actively applying for jobs? If so, keep it up and don't take 'no' for an answer. Call back and ask what's happening. You deserve a chance to prove yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I'm sorry you're struggling.
All I know is that feelings change - so when you have a bad day, or a series of bad days, just keep doing what you need to do to stay sober, but don't pick up or use. Believe it or not, this will pass and you will emerge stronger.
Crap days suck, and I sympathize with you. Just hang in there - you will be okay.
Rowan
All I know is that feelings change - so when you have a bad day, or a series of bad days, just keep doing what you need to do to stay sober, but don't pick up or use. Believe it or not, this will pass and you will emerge stronger.
Crap days suck, and I sympathize with you. Just hang in there - you will be okay.
Rowan
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
((((Beth))))
Don't beat yourself up so bad. Yes relapse is a reality to most of us, but we don't have to continue doing it either. Just for Today you never have to use again. That might sound silly but in reality it is so true.
Our disease is made up into 3 parts.
1. Physical
2. Mental
3. Spiritual
When we neglect any of those we are headed for trouble. Usually we get better in that order. Physically is always the first thing to come back to us, then it is the mental that comes back if we are lucky enough for it to come back. We never know which one it will be that might damage our minds permanently. Then the Spiritual is usually the last thing that comes back or at least this has been my experience.
So when we neglect the three usually it works backward in that order. The first to go is our Spiritual, then the mental comes back thinking that we can use and it won't hurt us this time and this is how I can do it. Totally self-centeredness comes into play here thinking that we know the answers. The last thing is the Physical part that we are now in active addiction once again.
That is why it is so important for us to keep growing Spiritually for that is all that we are given is a daily reprieve based on the maintenance of our Spiritual Condition.
So what else can you do right now? Well pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go to meetings maybe try 90 meetings in 90 days. Get and use a sponsor, read the literature, and no matter what don't use. It is such a simple Program for complicated people.
Before I close here Beth if no one has told that they love you today, allow me to be the first. I LOVE YOU BETH!
With Love & Respect
Vic
Don't beat yourself up so bad. Yes relapse is a reality to most of us, but we don't have to continue doing it either. Just for Today you never have to use again. That might sound silly but in reality it is so true.
Our disease is made up into 3 parts.
1. Physical
2. Mental
3. Spiritual
When we neglect any of those we are headed for trouble. Usually we get better in that order. Physically is always the first thing to come back to us, then it is the mental that comes back if we are lucky enough for it to come back. We never know which one it will be that might damage our minds permanently. Then the Spiritual is usually the last thing that comes back or at least this has been my experience.
So when we neglect the three usually it works backward in that order. The first to go is our Spiritual, then the mental comes back thinking that we can use and it won't hurt us this time and this is how I can do it. Totally self-centeredness comes into play here thinking that we know the answers. The last thing is the Physical part that we are now in active addiction once again.
That is why it is so important for us to keep growing Spiritually for that is all that we are given is a daily reprieve based on the maintenance of our Spiritual Condition.
So what else can you do right now? Well pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go to meetings maybe try 90 meetings in 90 days. Get and use a sponsor, read the literature, and no matter what don't use. It is such a simple Program for complicated people.
Before I close here Beth if no one has told that they love you today, allow me to be the first. I LOVE YOU BETH!
With Love & Respect
Vic
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I know it is normal to slip, but I didint think it would send my spiritual journey this far of track.
The weekend is coming and instead of welcoming the time off. I am afraid to be home.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Originally Posted by bfree4u 
I know it is normal to slip, but I didint think it would send my spiritual journey this far of track.
Stay strong.
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
There are some very crappy days but we learn how to walk through them without using. I know you'll get through this because you showed yourself that you could do it.. Allow yourself to feel your emotions- good and bad.. be grateful that you can FEEL. That means your human and that you're healing. When you were numb to the world, it also took away your ability to feel joy. These days are rough but keep walking, you'll get some days of joy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 294
Beth,
You slipped... it's OK. We're all human and we all make mistakes. As hard as it is, try not to beat yourself up about it. You're still here... You still want to be sober. That's what's important. No one can take the 76 days you had away from you. You know you can stay sober and clean... you've done it before. You are a STRONG woman. Definitely make plans for this weekend. Go to meetings, get together with other people in recovery, and be kind to yourself.
You slipped... it's OK. We're all human and we all make mistakes. As hard as it is, try not to beat yourself up about it. You're still here... You still want to be sober. That's what's important. No one can take the 76 days you had away from you. You know you can stay sober and clean... you've done it before. You are a STRONG woman. Definitely make plans for this weekend. Go to meetings, get together with other people in recovery, and be kind to yourself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
I think I might be feeling a little better today. I have no idea what I am going to do over the weekend. I guess I will try to get to a meeting. There has to be one out there where I can find someone to connect with. I have to get ot work. Have a good day!
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