Surrender63

I can't seem to live with or without alcohol.....I don't drink to get drunk everyday but I do drink out of loneliness/self-pity. I can't do this alone and I don't have the willingness to do AA. Or at least that's how I feel right now. What has been your experience with AA?

Anna

Hi Confused,

I drank to deal with negative emotions too. I avoided dealing with my feelings for as long as I could, and then when I couldn't bury them anymore, I began to drink. Thankfully I was able to stop and to begin to deal with some of those feelings. It has been a wonderful journey - learning to try to deal with life, as it comes along.

I use SR for my recovery and I always find inspiration and hope when I come here.

NYCGirl

I never realy drank for any reason except to drink... try reading Under the Influence and Drinking a Love Story .... They both helped answer many of my questions.... sorry i can't help with AA.

GlassPrisoner

I couldn't drink and I couldn't not drink.

I went to AA as a last resort. I didn't want to go, and tried everything else. All I knew was my butt was kicked, hard , and I wanted to quit. Just quit and stay sober, nothing else.

Being desperate, I was more than willing. As it turns out, I did quit drinking. And much, much more. I actually enjoy life now.

Dee74

hey CiD
dunno how much of this - if any - is helpful - just feel like rambling and I recognised a bit of myself in your post...

like you, I started drinking through loneliness and self pity...also boredom in my case as I'm pretty much stuck at home...it worked so well (at least in the beginning) I was so anaesthetised that I soon began 'self-medicating' for pretty much any negative emotion - fear, stress, anger...

of course pretty soon, if you use any kind of crutch to avoid the real issues,
it just becomes a deeply deeply entrenched habit...for me, I'm only now - many years later - daring to dream of a life without alcohol...that was a major major struggle for me...I couldn't see why I couldn't 'enjoy a drink' like everyone I saw....I had to realise I had a problem, and that I really hadn't 'enjoyed' a drink for a very very long time...

it's a tough road, but Anna is right, living - even when things get tough, as things do - is way preferable to being tranquilised merely existing....that's not living at all...

D

Sober Rider

the reason it is so difficult is because it is a disease. as with other diseases like cancer, you need treatment. AA is one of the resources that is proven to help recover. I too can relate to your thoughts, and will just say that having given it a try, It has already changed my life for the better! I would encourage anyone to consider it as an option for support. Whatever your choices are to recover, will be better than the choice to drink.
I have found SR a source of support as well

Julie

barb dwyer

My experience with AA is that I am still alive.
I care about my life.
I care about my friends' lives ...

I think I may possibly be happy.

I owe that to the Program.
There was nothing casual or offhanded about my drinking.
I told myself I could quit at any time.
I told myself it was just an 'occupational hazard' of bartending.
I told myself a lot of things.
Unfortunately, none of it was true.
By the time I realized I'd gone too far -

I had nowhere left to go.

AA saved this life. And is now rebuilding it.

lostmdboy

AA saved me. That is it plain and simple. The first time I went into AA I did not work it, and finally quit going, and thought I was cured. AH, until I took that "just one beer" then I was off again. AA works if you work it. I have been sober for over 3 months, an dfeel great. I go to meeting. Have a sponcer, and I help where ever I can. Life is good since AA came into my life.

Rusty Zipper

CID thats the big revovery question CID.. if it was easy... this board would not be here...

we drink for many reasons...

we numb ourselfs for many reasons...

we go to A.A. for many reasons...

CID its helped save my (_rz_)... and given me hope for my new, self loving life... yes, i'm worth it..

willingness is key... give it a real try CID... wad'a ya got to loose... and a whole lot to gain...

xxoo, zip

Tazman53

Confused you confused me!!!

You say you can not stop alone, yet you do not have the willingness to go to AA?

Until I became willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober, I stayed drunk!

AA took me from a miserable man who could not go a single day without having a drink to a sober man who is happier then I have been in over 30 years.

Confused I do not care what program you choose to stop drinking and stay sober, until you are willing to do as the program suggest to do you are wasting your time.

I was where you are at right now, I thought AA is for a bunch of damn losers and burn outs, I am my own man and will do it MY WAY! Well once I finally got honest with myself that I was an alcoholic who needed help I became willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober.

AA was my answer, not only am I sober, I am a far better and happier person then I have been in over 30 years.

parentrecovers

i hope you are finding the answers you need, confused. thinking about you, k

Missymae737

For me, surrendering to alcohol was difficult because I wanted to be like other people...I wanted so much to be able to handle the effects of alcohol...The harder I tried the more problems I encountered as this is a disease of progression. I felt alone with this problem I had.

AA helped me to see I wasn't alone and I wasn't a BAD person because I couldn't drink like other people...

Keep posting, we are here for you...

wezzy55

RUN to AA as fast as you can...There are many meetings and each group has its own personality...There is one for you..Dont let one or two people run you off... Keeping shopping...A healthy AA home is your best bet....30 years of experience is all I'm speaking from.....RUN

Pilgrim

One of the reasons I find stopping drinking so hard is the loneliness. I think AA helps you overcome that if you let it.

Golfman

Why is it so hard to surrender? Because we've been taught that the word "surrender" means losing. None of us likes to lose at anything we do.

Maybe think of it this way. If I'm in an army and we're doing battle, getting our a**es kicked, after a while I'm starting to feel like I'd just like to go home. I don't care whether we win or lose, I just need some rest. You can bet when the Japanese surrendered after WWII, that many of their soldiers were just hapy to go home to their families. A tremendous burden had been lifted from them.

It's the same with alcohol. We keep getting kicked in the stomach, yet keep on doing it because we don't want to lose. Do you have any idea what kind of energy it takes to keep doing that day after day, week after week, year after year? Needless to say it saps our energy to do more productive things. So....do we really lose when we surrender? Not me!!! When I surrendered, I won. I won back my energy, I won the priviledge of God entering my life, and I won one more BIG thing, I won myself back.

You are correct, you are unable to do this alone. But you don't have to even try to do this alone. We are here to be of some support. However, you asked about AA so here goes:

You have to admit you come to this board because you've found people of similar thinking that you can identify with. We support you from afar, yet you probably feel as close to us as we do to you. We're in a lifeboat after the ship sank. Doesn't matter where we came from, how much money we make, what color we are, or what we did. We have survived the shipwreck and we're hoping to be rescued. We have a common purpose.

That's exactly what AA is like. In AA, I found people who thought exactly like I did. People who had lost themselves and were trying to find out were they were. I could identity with most of them because they were feeling the same way I did. What was different though, was the fact that they loved me unconditionally, despite what I had done. I learned to love them the same way. Then I found that some of them had found a way out, a way of feeling free and graterful for what happened to them. I was amazed that they had found this new way of life simply by coming together and finding out that there was a Higher Power out there that they could all rely on. They all didn't have the same concept of what a Higher Power was, but that was okay because each of us may have our own idea what that Higher Power is. The really neat thing is that these people encouraged me to find my own, one that was personal to me. They didn't try to make me believe in theirs and they didn't have to believe in mine. Once I came to believe there was a Higher Power out there personal to me, then I was taught what I needed to do in order to lead those happy lives that many of them were leading.

So, I know that was very long-winded, but that's what AA is to me and it saved my life. And it can save yours too. As long as you are honest, openminded, and willing to give it a shot.

Your friend in sobriety,
Ed

SaTiT

AA....it wasn't all good and it wasn't all bad.
life....it wasn't all good and it wasn't all bad.
me....i'm not all good and I'm not all bad.
others...they're not all good and they're not all bad.
acceptence of life on life's term's i guess...
there's peace in that somehow.

i'm free to make chioces everyday now that i'm an aduilt.
I couldn't make them before as a child, but i felt like a little kid inside.
Becuase i was never allow to grow up, but always told that I should
and never shown the way. I did childish things with an outter shell
body of a man. Nobody understood it really and could care less.
I had a rat race i was involved with or what some would say
that's what makes the world goes round and round. i made a lot
of mistakes, yes i did.. Responsiable i was to everybody
the wife, kids, gf, bosses, co-workers, and god himself.
What's left for me?....nothing, nothing at all.
The bottle filled that emptiness inside, it help stopped the
vioces inside and numb my feelings...feelings that i didn't understand.
Surrender...nobody really knows what that meant...i have my
perceptions of it. i was told to never give up..
Man.... that really crossed the wires in my head.
So i had to drink some more.
I drank and drank, and drank until there was noting left
not even me, nothing inside of me. it made me depressed as heck
as i was depressed already. The wires were crossed anyways,
why would it matter. Wife naging at me didn't help, i just
drank some more. So she went away and to the baby too.
it made me more depressed so i drank some more.

There's nothing inmorral with it...it's what happens to some people in life.
Life is unfair...old poor me, pour me another drink.
Some people understanding this more than others in AA.
Some don't have a clue. But more relize this in AA then the general
public.

Just don't pick up a drink no matter what.

Rusty Zipper

SaTiT CID, as mentioned right here...

theres another word... "Powerless"... as in powerless over alcohol... is just that... not good, not bad... it is what it is... and we have to do something about it if we are...

xxoo, zip