StandingStrong

Through all the years - and all the tears

I never thought the day would come

Through the pain, the heartaches, and the disappointments

And even when my heart felt numb....

I always believed that I'd love you forever -

how could I not after all the love I gave to you?

The history, the marriage, the kids and our life together

It's hard to believe when I say what's true....

I don't love you anymore.

I don't love you anymore - and I don't like you much either
The feelings all are gone.
And if I could go back and do it again,
I'd have left long ago.
For when the truth spills out
and the story unfolds - we were over long ago.
And I don't love you anymore.

You can tell your story - I know the truth

And you can blame me for all the things wrong in your life

You can tell everyone that I caused you such pain when I left

and you can claim that I'm just a back-stabbing exwife

You can do all the things that you've done all along

and keep blaming me like you've always done

It's okay, I don't mind, you tell it like you want

I have something to say, but just one....

I don't love you anymore.

I don't love you anymore - and I don't like you much either
The feelings all are gone.
And if I could go back and do it again,
I'd have left long ago.
For when the truth spills out
and the story unfolds - we were over long ago.
And I don't love you anymore.

nogard

(((((StandingSTrong))))))

prodigal

God moves in mysterious ways and if this didn't hit my heart dead center, nothing ever has. I've been sitting here thinking about just that for the past hour. It is how I feel. I don't hate him, I don't wish him ill; I just don't love him anymore. Far more important, however, is I just don't like what he has become.

A timely and very important post.

(((((StandingStrong)))))

StandingStrong

I've had trouble posting a new post - been trying for a few days now. I didn't really think that the one above would post (LOL) oops, but there it is! LOL

Ya know - I always believed that a part of me would love my XAH for the rest of my life. I believed that like so many other people say - that I, too, would hold a special place in my heart forever for the man that I married.

But you know - the man that I gave my heart too has been gone a long long time. I guess I just didn't want to face that reality and kept on hoping that someday he'd come back to me. But now....well, I don't even want that man anymore either. I've changed and I'm not the same person I was back then and I don't want the old me back again either.

I have been trying to grasp the truth the past few months. It just seemed so odd to me to realize that I didn't love my XAH anymore. I mean - I never dreamed that would ever happen. I wondered if I had gone numb, if I was in denial, I wondered a lot of things.
My weaknesses had always been seeing him or hearing his voice. It was in those moments that I'd remember the man that I fell in love with all those years ago and it was then that I'd start really missing him and wish so badly for just one more chance with the man I fell in love with. Hoping and hoping that he'd come back to me.
Recently, I was given the opportunity to see him - and I didn't feel anything positive. I have spoken to him on the phone quite a bit due to the kids and again, I felt nothing good. If nothing else, I have felt a bit of disgust. I don't like the man that he is. In hindsite though, I realize that alot of who he is has been the same man that he's been for years.

It's just sooooooooooooo odd.

There was a time that I wondered how he was...
I don't anymore

a time I wondered if he was seeing someone, who it was, and if he was treating her better than he had me...
now I just don't even care and I don't even wonder

a time, I would have been worried about him drinking and ruining his life. A time I'd have still tried to lead him to recovery.
Today - I don't worry about his drinking - other than worry about how it affects my kids. I don't bother with the effort to lead him to recovery either.

There was a time that I'd have really worried about the relationship that he has (and doesn't have) with the kids and i used to give him ideas and suggestions on how to fix those relationships.
Today - I don't do that either. It's not my place to guide him in fixing those relationships. He doesn't listen anyways and he knows what the problems are, he just chooses to not do it. His loss.

I could go on and on and on but I'm sure you all get the point. It's been really very odd in a way I don't know how to describe other than to say it's been freeing in a lot of ways and odd in alot of ways. Me - the one that had such a hard time letting go of others and letting go of things has finally really and truly let go - in a way that I never expected in a million years.

I shake my head in wonder. It's odd.

kermit

You are one awsome girl! Love you, love this

MsGolightly

i hope to one day have come as far along as you have!

cmc

What can I say? You've come far and worked hard to find some peace and be settled into your life. I wish you much happiness!
Thank you for sharing.

answers

STANDING STRONG........WHAT YOU WROTE IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL AND I THANK YOU FOR SUCH A BEAUTIFUL VERSE.......

Nuudawn

Thank you for sharing this beautiful post....
Like so many others..it captures very much how I've been feeling.
It almost makes me sad to realize how much I have detached...that yep, I don't love him anymore.
As each day passes..it fades to dust. The illusion I wanted so desperately..was exactly that...an illusion.

Sunflower

beautiful---I never once missed my EXAH--once the trust was gone--so were all the dreams and the love--it just died

lilac

(((StandingStrong)))

You really touched my heart with this post....it is exactly how I feel this very moment........I thought there was something wrong with me