KC1

Time to fess up (again). I had two glasses of wine with my Easter dinner. Hubby did not try to stop me. I still think he thinks I can control this. HE drank iced tea. Why couldn't I do that? Was it because the menu paired up the meal with a suggested good wine? Is it because I am a weakling and loser? Why did I do this? I want so hard to stop. I have been feeling so good waking up without a hangover. I know, I know......you don't even have to say it. I know why.........Just had to come here and fess up and vent. I will try again tomorrow. At what point will I be thrown off of the boards because I can't stay sober????? This sucks so bad. There are a million reasons to stop and a million reasons not to. I know you have all been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. I am starting to doubt my sincerity and desire to stop drinking. Do I really want to? Is this sort of feeling normal?

KC

Anna

Hi KC,

I think it's good to examine your motives because it is really hard to stop drinking and it takes a lot of work. It involves making a lot of tough choices and for me, it involved a lot of planning. I made myself plan ahead and be prepared and I changed my daily routines and patterns.

You're right that you need a lot of desire to be able to stop drinking.

Surlyredhead

You are not going to get kicked off the board..we have all fallen. Yes, the feelings are normal. It was very strong to be able to stop at two glasses, I have said this before...it it were me, in early recovery, I would have been off on a year long bender....possibly more. I am glad you are here...never quit quitting!! Hugs to you....Cathy

hope3

Hi KC, tommorrow's another opportunity.

You can do it, you can do it, you can do it.

Hugs, hope3

BigSis

Never.

If quitting was easy, this board wouldn't be here.

Never quit quitting...

(((hugs)))

Aysha

We are human KC...Brush them shoulders off and NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!!
I appreciate your honesty and you can do this!!!
And you will never get kicked off the board...That is what this board is for.
You'll get it..I just know it.

Ngokpa

"Beyond the Influence" says "If you're hungry, your mind tells you to eat; if you're alcoholic, your mind tells you to drink." That just comes with the territory. And that's why we need to take recovery seriously. With work and patience, the obcession goes away; but even then we need to stay within the recovery loop to keep us honest.

I needed to attend a lot of meetings and get involved for the first couple of years, even though I frequently wasn't all that comfortable there. Eventually I branched out to other things that supported new ways of getting to feel more comfortable in my skin. What made sense to me was "one day at a time", "don't drink even if your ass falls off," and "be willing to go to any lengths."

But if you do drink, just stop and get back to a meeting. For many, that's part of the education. Hang in there!

NYCGirl

I am just glad you come back here... that says a lot... it shows your desire to quit and if you keep trying it will happen.

Have you read "Under the Influence" It helped me a lot!

ayla zaire

kc.....it often takes a few tries to stay sober..........many of us slip up or relapse......the ones who succeed are those of us who keep trying.....

good luck, and congrats on your bravery in coming here and telling the truth......

hugs
ayla

stone

Agreed! Hi KC, I am off to a bumpy start myself. I am back on day 8 and I feel more strong and determined than I did on my last day 8. My slips have just made me more determined and have also taught me what to watch for in the future. Instead of beating yourself turn it into something to learn from if you can.

chicago

the married dynamic is interesting to me. for me i just checked into detox and moved into a recovery house for 8 months. sometimes i feel for married alcoholics especially if they have kids. packing up and moving into treatment for such a long time isnt always possible.

well i do know this though...if you make meetings and work steps with a sponser "rarely have we seen a person fail"....i like those odds, alot. that means step-work will bring about a spiritual awakening whether your in the same house or not.

nogard

how you going KC?

Dee74

KC
I've been trying to quit booze for nearly 15 years now...almost every other week.

I've been sober now 4 days and I feel good and life is great, but I'm cynical enough to think that there may be a new 'day 1' sometime I'll have to deal with...I hope not (God I hope not) but, if that happens, this place will help.

I've obviously haven't learned a lot over the last 15 years, but there's something I know is true...never give up. Never. One of these days it'll take. I truly believe that.

peace
D

nogard

congrst on your clean time Dee

Rowan

KC,

I'm glad you're here. Sometimes, it takes a specific event to propel us towards sobriety i.e. shame or humiliation. But time goes by, and we don't feel so bad anymore, and we question our motives for wanting to get sober.
Getting sober is hard work!
If sobriety is what you seek, you'll do whatever it takes. And if you're not sure, that is simply where you are.
We will be here to share our experience, strength and hope with you as you seek answers.
Thanks for your honesty, KC. ((((hugs))))
Rowan

hope3

Hi KC, You are here, therefore you have not given up,

you may have given in, it happens to many. But if you

remember the saying: Winners never quit, and quitters

never win. This applies to never giving up on the dream.

Hugs to you ((((((kc)))))))) hope3

azure

hi KC, I'm new and I'm glad to meet you. Don't get down on yourself... I'm completely wondering right now if I even want to start this process! It does me good to know I'm not alone and that there are people out there who might understand and help. So, don't look at it as you are a loser... you are helping yourself and learning, and helping others just by being here.

ayla zaire

dee.......it sounds to me like you've learned quite a lot........and each time we start over, we use our previous experience to know what to expect........

very few people try as many times as you have and not given up.....you have learned to have hope and never give up.......that is huge.....and so is your 4 days....i know how hard those first days are.....you have also learned that you need to stay cynical and not let your guard down....and that is a very important lesson for your recovery........that disease is always lurking inside, even after 20 yrs of sobriety.....we can never forget that....


hugs
ayla

TINLIZZY

KC -

BigSis said it best "If quitting were easy, this board wouldn't be here".

If you read through the posts here on SR, you will see that you are not alone. We all have made mistakes. I'm right there at the top of the list!! I've had several Day 1's, and I'm still here.

I have recently come to embrace the fact that quitting is MUCH more than willpower. For me, I have realized that I can not do this alone.

Dust yourself off, learn from your mistakes. Keep reading and posting. It helps to know that you are not alone.

TinLizzy

Rusty Zipper

kc hun... first thins first... you aint get'n toss'd off of SR...

you would have to do way more then have a slip or two for that...

it is soberrecovery, not sobercured...

what i have found that worked for me... as was sugested by my hard ass sponser....recovery before anything!!!... he said, and many others have... the work one puts into early recovery, is the rest of your hopefully new, way better sober and clean life... or the least, how one can now handle life... life is just that...

its what we can do with this life that makes being clean and sober the way to go... unless one enjoys the misery, the hopelessness, the confusion, the guit and shame, the hurting of loved ones and ones self... ect, ect, ect...

one of a fave line... misery is refundable...

i have been around the recovery block a few 24's... and time after time...

i see conditions on ones recovery... ut-ugh... no goodski...

its recovery or bust, if and when one wants it... not likes it...

glad you made it back kc... many dont...

try to figure out what was working, and what was not... remember kc... its really doable...

wish'n you all the best on this go kc... remember... this board is a family... your now a part of it, and we love you without conditions...

xxoo, rz