kj21

My abf called me yesterday to ask if maybe he could come over and watch the hockey game with me (something wwe always did). He is giving us the space I requested and seems to be doing fine on his own. He has been at a hotel since April 1. I let my guard down and said sure come over. Well ,Hockey game started and ended with no call, no show! Prior to his call I had texted him to invite him to Easter brunch with me and the kids. He jumped at it and said yes he would love that. So this morning he calls and says do we want him still to come over for brunch....are you kidding me!!! No way!!! I am so angry and hurt all over again!!! Why do they make a plan and change thier mind within hours...AARRGGG!!! When I ask him he just quietly says "sorry, I screwed up"

dollydo

Can't depend on an addict, just they way they operate.

Hope you enjoyed your Easter anyway.

faithhopelovejr

It's just one of the wonderful characteristics of the disease.

cinderellawkids

Kj,

Sadly I think when they make plans they think they'll keep them. Then they think well Ill just do this and be a bit late, which we all know it doesnt work that way

marle

Hate to say it but the drugs won again. We are no match for the power of addiction. When they make the plans I believe that they mean to do it, then the urge to use overcomes them and they are off to the races. We may be in the back of their minds but the drug occupies that important space in the brain that overtakes reason and responsibility. I am sorry that you are hurt by his actions. Hugs, Marle

hope213

sorry that happened.i hope you had a great day without him. hugs,

joesentme

Ahhh… the memories…. another thing I get to be grateful for today! No more no-call/no shows. I get a lot of criticism from some people, who feel I have no right to deny my daughter a relationship with her father. But Tracee’s post about her son is exactly why I am doing just that! I will not allow my child to be emotionally tortured. She was a baby when I left. She lives with healthy, trustworthy people, in a peaceful, happy environment.

Why on earth would I subject her to the pain and torment of loving an addict? When my critics can give me a good answer to THAT, maybe I’ll rethink my decision. Until then I will avoid my a like the plague!

JSM

Blackrose2756

They always have the best of intentions, but drugs seem to get in the way. Just the way it is. My ex's daughters went through that with their mother....called, said she wanted to see them, no show, on & on for 17 years until she died last year of an overdoes at 38. By the way, she was going to be the "best" grandma ever & had promised to see the baby on Saturday...Sunday she was dead.

Lynne

havehope

I'm so sorry for yet another disappointment from your addict.

My rule now:
Expect nothing from her and I won't be disappointed.

Sad, but it has helped me.
Hugs
Terri

HKAngel24

KJ-
So sorry you had another disappointment/expectations not met.
I know this feeling too well- to the point that I wouldn't even ASK my abf to do ANYTHING for me because from his moment of agreement I would become physically ill with worry and obsession that he would not come through.

I'm still caught up in remembering that when someone is an addict their words must align with their actions. It's difficult when they tell us they will do something and for a moment we look at them as a regular human who more than likely can come through with his promises.
My thoughts are with you as you learn to cope with this.
All I can say that has helped me is remembering that I have nothing to do with that. His choice was to not show up or give you the courtesy of a phone call to let you know that. Your choices are your own - you can choose to not believe him next time. Sometimes I get caught up in silly things that I am "waiting" for my abf to do, so I can get on with my life. It's a strain at first to be more alert to what YOU want to do at a given moment but hte more we flex this muscle the stronger it will get.

teke

sorry that this is happening and i'll keep all of you in my prayers