Ayers1995

Hi all. I just wanted to send an update. It's been a while. I have been seperated since October and divorcing since January.

It's still not final, but its getting close.

It seems like things still are not settled down yet. I'm still with my mom and she is impatient and short tempered with me and the boys. She's up in every aspect of my business trying to tell me what to do... even to stop picking on my son when I'm trying to get him to behave.

Work.. there are always girl issues. I'm learning to toughen up... but the backstabbing is something I'll never understand.

I guess I'm still feeling a bit overwhelmed. AH hasn't helped w/the kids financially in over a month and just left for Trinidad for a year... that leaves me with mom to rely on for help to get out and do anything alone.

I have been on a few dates with a guy that I met through someone at work. That's a plus. At least I'm finally getting out of the house some. It's nice to actually be treated descent. It's strange too.

Anyway... just wanted some advice on the perking up! Hoping the divorce gets through sometime soon!

AllTooSober

It's good to hear from you! I'm glad you're doing well, mother and co-worker issues aside.

Pick-a-name

Hi,Ayers....good to hear from you! So far,so good?!

Ayers1995

So far so good. Just trying to get emotionally stable again!!

Astro

Nice to see you again, Ayers! I know what you mean by strange, but remember that you deserve to be treated decently and with respect.

I'm an alcoholic, divorced for 1 1/2 years. It's only been within the last 4 months that I've felt "perky" enough to try dating again, and it's been a wonderful experience. If there's one thing I don't regret though it's the time I spent working on myself, just being alone and learning to love the single parent that I am. Without that, I'm not sure if I'd be capable of having a healthy relationship now.

Best wishes to you and your boys.

ICU

Good to see you again Ayers. Thanks for the update.

Even when we make positive changes in our lives, we still sometimes go through those hills and valleys. I've learned to actually anticipate that happening. When I go through a low, I've mentally prepared myself that it would happen at some point, therefore it doesn't really concern me when it happens. I like to think of it as another way of adjusting to letting go of the past to prepare me for what's around the corner in my life in the future.

TexasGirl

Hey girl!
It's so funny how close we are in the journey...the waiting period is up for me Monday!
Nice to see you here.

lilac

Hey ! Good to see you here ! Been wondering how you were.

embraced2000

ayers!!!! hello!!!!! i've missed you around here.

it's good to hear from you. you sound good, ayers, even with the speed bumps.

hey, don't be a stranger, ok?

FormerDoormat

Glad to hear that you're starting a new life. Give your mom time to adjust to her new living situation. It's a big change when your adult daughter moves back home with three young children in tow, ya know?

mazey

Ayers, you really do sound good. Despite the normal daily problems w/ girl co-workers and a Mother under the same roof! heehee Really, look ahead, feel lighter in your emotional load w/o HIM! Enjoy new company that actually treats you well. How great is that. Take it a day at a time......you're going to be just fine! Yay! Linda

Sunflower

good for you----having lived with my mother and father when my son was small--and now as well---it can be hard even when you normally get along. You will always be her baby and she willalways look at you that way---you have to learn to turn a deaf ear to it...My mom would question what my son was wearing etc...used to bug the crap out of me--then I realized--who cares--why sweat the small stuff--it was always better to let my mother enjoy having her grandson living with her--if that meant she got her way about little things it was ok with me///Plus I had someone to watch my son so I could date-go to school-maybe take a little vacation here and there....As far as work--yes backstabbing big time--and it can really bring you down--my rule was--don't date any guys from work and dont make friends with anyone-other than the day to day work stuff--keep to yourself if you can--you will be happier,

Ayers1995

Good morning everyone! Thanks so much for your replies. I do feel like I am doing much better than even 6 months ago. I do have my hills and valleys at times.

I've learned that my self confidence is just really low...if non existent. I have been working on myself for a while now and still reading every bit of information I get my hands on... I read all the dating stuff, single parenting stuff, Co-dependent stuff.... it's all good and I do good while reading it.

I am taking time for me and the boys... but it is nice to have my new 'friend' there to do things with as well. He's a pretty nice person.

Rella927

Ayers! Good for you! Give Mom a chance to adjust as FormerDormat said! Change as you know is hard for anyone-I'm sure she is doing the best that she can. I know that I use to think it was me that caused the fights with my mother and I until I got older and in therapy that it really was her but I just added the fuel to keep it going! I just step back now and we are like best friends now-she knows where I stand and how I feel without getting into a blow up. There are ways to approach her in regards to your children-be assertive and use the " I " approach! It actually works well-I feel that I know how to raise my own children although I appreciate your input......blah blah

Best of luck with your new friend! It is funny how when we have someone enter our lives without drama how wonderful it really feels!

Melody Beattie has great books and one I have read over and over was "The language of letting go" it is such a great inspiration and really gets you thinking and realizing that you do deserve happiness without that drama and chaos we were use to with our A's!

Good luck sweetie!! Keep us posted!