aztchr

My ex called and invited me to lunch yesterday. He had a time and place already in mind. I was really surprised, but decided why not, go and see if I would enjoy his company.

When I met up with him, he was sober and pleasant to be around. We made small talk, and I was really practicing taking care of myself. I didn't ask 20 questions, didn't ask about the future if we have one, didn't ask about the drinking, etc. I know he's somewhat taking care of his health and following dr.'s orders, he stopped smoking and is taking medication for triglycerides and blood pressure. He didn't really talk that much, never asked me any questions. He never did before either. I was usually the one trying to get a response or answers. I didn't pry this time.

I enjoyed lunch and his company. I offered to split the check, but he paid. I thanked him and said if he wanted to go out again to give me a call and it would be my treat.

I'm not going to read into anything. Not sure of his intentions, and could play the maybe this...maybe that... game, but I won't.

I still have hope and can't commit to no contact with him, but I won't call him first. I also have boundaries now and won't accept certain things. I'll take one day at a time and see what happens next.

best

I think you handled that perfectly. Time answers questions.

aztchr

I'm also not going to decline other opportunities because I'm waiting for his call. I have to keep my options open. I'm enjoying this new sense of freedom and choice. It's definitely more fun!

embraced2000

you did excellantly....keep taking care of yourself first, ok?

honeycs

your an inspiration to me...hope to handle things in my life that well someday.

aztchr

Thanks, honeycs.
Doing better on the outside, still working on the inside each day. It really does take time!

Do I tell him I moved from my parents and have an apartment now?
By telling him, I think my expectations would start to appear again.

Sunflower

I personally wouldn't give him any info about what you are doing or where you are living,,,let him wonder...seems like you are on the right track--maybe this is the way you detach--by keeping in touch but not giving him anything in return but your company at lunch.....

dollydo

I would not tell him you have moved, not his business, and it would open pandoras box. This is your space, your safe haven. Protect it.

Glad you enjoyed your lunch.

You sound good, keep moving forward.

Dolly

Zoey

Wonderful, you did extra special good there gal.
Nope, do not tell him you have moved.

If you go again promise yourself to be prepared to talk about the weather, any neutral subject. Just my suggestion, but hope you can do it.

lilac

dolly is right, protect your space.

I think you handled everything great ! Time will tell.

IO Storm

Do I tell him I moved from my parents and have an apartment now?
By telling him, I think my expectations would start to appear again.

Aztchr:

I agree. This is your space, your umbrella of protection........


:Wshade:



a place to breathe..and move forward, to heal, a critical time.

It would not be good for him to show up on the doorstep or calling

at your home. Then the deep unresolved feelings would come up

and you may call him over to console him, any way, eventually it would mean a lot of stress

for all parties.

If you want to meet with him, make this quick test.

1. No meeting whatsoever at your home.

2. How do you feel whe you are with him?

3. How do you feel the next day?
(Self esteem, loss of something, let down, or happy, exhilarated)etc.


Post a lot now, no matter what happens, and hang out with the winners.

Love,


Sherry