supposedly recovery ah got fired!
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
supposedly recovery ah got fired!
Ive been a member for such a short time and this is alrdy my 2nd thread.
I hope to be in a better place soon so I can offer some advice instead!
quick overview of my life so far w/my husb. His alcoholism started to rear
its ugly head while I was pregnant w/our 2nd child. He was functioning for
the most part , binges here & there. Lots of late nights & unanswered
questions and possible infidelity (which he denys) followed in the years to come. He works in construction so drinking is a part of his agenda for the day while hes at work. (never did understand that!). About 3 years ago a friend of his fell on the job (2 storys) to his death. My husb was there to witness and held his friend until the paramedics arrived. Hence the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that he suffers from . With no coping skills (except to drink) he escaped through alcohol and eventually starting drugs .
Fast forward 1 day last spring , his friend called me to ask what was wrong w/my husband 'nothing what do you mean?' was my filled with denial answer.
(I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with our 4th child at this time and wrapped up in my own little world) The next day his 2 friends drove him to rehab and that was the beginning of 3 rehabs & 1 half way house in 3 months . ( I delivered the baby via c-section while he was in his 1st rehab , 11 days early , go figure)
He has been out since August . Had a few relapses that didnt last more than a day . He doesnt go to meetings regularly , he does go to counseling once a week for PTSD and just 3 wks ago finally started his IOP 3 days a week .
Last week he told me his job was 'accusing' him of stealing .. he clms he 'borrowed' 3 pieces of equipment and told the guy he would return them on a certain day but before that day came he was questioned and ordered to return the equipment immediately and then got fired . Do I believe that he actually did ask permission to borrow the equipment because my gut is telling me hes lying ?? I have other family members in the same union and rec'd a call from one of them today saying my husband has been blacklisted , is now known as a thief and nobody wants to hire him !!!! Meanwhile my husband is telling me all is fine , it was a misunderstanding and his union hall totally understands , no biggie ... If its no biggie , then why hasnt he worked since last wed ???? And since when did he become a thief ? Is he using again ??
I have no idea , I need to get my head out of the sand though ! I feel soooo niave and trusting ..
Sorry this is so long , I hope someone is able to get through it and give me some advice! Im rambling ....
I have to say as soon as I heard this I went right to my computer and knew just where to go .... my safe place ! I hope I have the time to stay on now!
Thank you . xoxox
I hope to be in a better place soon so I can offer some advice instead!
quick overview of my life so far w/my husb. His alcoholism started to rear
its ugly head while I was pregnant w/our 2nd child. He was functioning for
the most part , binges here & there. Lots of late nights & unanswered
questions and possible infidelity (which he denys) followed in the years to come. He works in construction so drinking is a part of his agenda for the day while hes at work. (never did understand that!). About 3 years ago a friend of his fell on the job (2 storys) to his death. My husb was there to witness and held his friend until the paramedics arrived. Hence the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that he suffers from . With no coping skills (except to drink) he escaped through alcohol and eventually starting drugs .
Fast forward 1 day last spring , his friend called me to ask what was wrong w/my husband 'nothing what do you mean?' was my filled with denial answer.
(I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with our 4th child at this time and wrapped up in my own little world) The next day his 2 friends drove him to rehab and that was the beginning of 3 rehabs & 1 half way house in 3 months . ( I delivered the baby via c-section while he was in his 1st rehab , 11 days early , go figure)
He has been out since August . Had a few relapses that didnt last more than a day . He doesnt go to meetings regularly , he does go to counseling once a week for PTSD and just 3 wks ago finally started his IOP 3 days a week .
Last week he told me his job was 'accusing' him of stealing .. he clms he 'borrowed' 3 pieces of equipment and told the guy he would return them on a certain day but before that day came he was questioned and ordered to return the equipment immediately and then got fired . Do I believe that he actually did ask permission to borrow the equipment because my gut is telling me hes lying ?? I have other family members in the same union and rec'd a call from one of them today saying my husband has been blacklisted , is now known as a thief and nobody wants to hire him !!!! Meanwhile my husband is telling me all is fine , it was a misunderstanding and his union hall totally understands , no biggie ... If its no biggie , then why hasnt he worked since last wed ???? And since when did he become a thief ? Is he using again ??
I have no idea , I need to get my head out of the sand though ! I feel soooo niave and trusting ..
Sorry this is so long , I hope someone is able to get through it and give me some advice! Im rambling ....
I have to say as soon as I heard this I went right to my computer and knew just where to go .... my safe place ! I hope I have the time to stay on now!
Thank you . xoxox
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
ramble on--good to get it out...I worked in an administrative job for part of my career and I can tell you many times employers do find reasons to 'get rid of'' a worker who is constantly sick--an alcoholic-workmans comp-any thing like that...actually it happened to me at one job where I was acused of something I did not do...I retained an employement lawyer (there was no union),,once he stepped in my problems ended,
Maybe your husbands boss has put him on temporary suspension until the alleged incident is investigated--which is comon place for these types of issues......hang in there,,,,wishing you the best.....
Maybe your husbands boss has put him on temporary suspension until the alleged incident is investigated--which is comon place for these types of issues......hang in there,,,,wishing you the best.....
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
thank you sunflower! i hope you are right . i have a real
problem lately with letting things go that are not in my
control . the more i ask him what happened the more
untrusting i sound and i am supposed to be working on
trusting him again ... so confusing ! ... i can call his counselors,
they said to call them anytime , just to see if he mentioned it
to them but not even sure i should do that ! aauugghh
thank you again for your response , i read many of your replys
on other threads and you are full of wonderful information !
is that unfortunate ? (LOL)
problem lately with letting things go that are not in my
control . the more i ask him what happened the more
untrusting i sound and i am supposed to be working on
trusting him again ... so confusing ! ... i can call his counselors,
they said to call them anytime , just to see if he mentioned it
to them but not even sure i should do that ! aauugghh
thank you again for your response , i read many of your replys
on other threads and you are full of wonderful information !
is that unfortunate ? (LOL)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Welcome LGLG......remember the 3c's hun
You didnt cause it
You cant control it
You cant cure it
My XAH of 22 years was also in the construction field and he drank every day since he was 16 or 17 yrs old he is now 47.....and yes drinking was a part of his normal day....but mine never ever even attempted to quit and was a cleptomaniac when it came to the companies equipment on his truck...mine never got fired over it but was reprimanded plenty. He is still currently employed with the same company (18 yrs) but I dont know how... I hope that your situation improves hun....its hard to have little ones and to go through what you are..I have had 4 kids and I know your position well.
Janit
You didnt cause it
You cant control it
You cant cure it
My XAH of 22 years was also in the construction field and he drank every day since he was 16 or 17 yrs old he is now 47.....and yes drinking was a part of his normal day....but mine never ever even attempted to quit and was a cleptomaniac when it came to the companies equipment on his truck...mine never got fired over it but was reprimanded plenty. He is still currently employed with the same company (18 yrs) but I dont know how... I hope that your situation improves hun....its hard to have little ones and to go through what you are..I have had 4 kids and I know your position well.
Janit
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
cant cure it , didnt cause it , cant control it ..
i have to write that down ! so very true ! thank you for those words !
let me ask you , does your ah just act like he gets paid to do
construction and drink on the job ??? i swear my ah acts like ,
'why wouldnt i drink' and its like its okay because 'everybody does it'
.... crazy !! i dont know for sure how many days sober he is .. he
has relapsed over the last 5 months , i think its about 21 days .
why would he steal sober ?? or maybe hes still thinking like a drunk ,
whats that called , 'dry drunk'?
good luck to you and your four beautiful children !
xoxox
i have to write that down ! so very true ! thank you for those words !
let me ask you , does your ah just act like he gets paid to do
construction and drink on the job ??? i swear my ah acts like ,
'why wouldnt i drink' and its like its okay because 'everybody does it'
.... crazy !! i dont know for sure how many days sober he is .. he
has relapsed over the last 5 months , i think its about 21 days .
why would he steal sober ?? or maybe hes still thinking like a drunk ,
whats that called , 'dry drunk'?
good luck to you and your four beautiful children !
xoxox
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
You also have to remember ....
The freanken drama that gose on at work. Sometimes
I think us guys are worst than women.
The crap I go through at work would make most of
you women cry.
You also have to remember a majority of the guys
are freanken drunks (functioning alki) also.
And there's a lot of franken egotistic maniac or
a lot testosterone floating around on a construction
site or anytype of manly work.
Tools comes up missing all the time. Sometimes
we just forget after long hours to pick up everything.
Sometimes there's just so much that needs to get
done with so many freanken projects being worked on.
We just forget little details about someone's ego.
sometimes we have to do work without proper tools,
materials and all we here at the end of the day is...
how come you did get that done from that higher up???
in my thoughts
"will Mr dip sheit...we request deisel @ 6: a.m.
and didn't get it until 5:30 p.m."
The freanken drama that gose on at work. Sometimes
I think us guys are worst than women.
The crap I go through at work would make most of
you women cry.
You also have to remember a majority of the guys
are freanken drunks (functioning alki) also.
And there's a lot of franken egotistic maniac or
a lot testosterone floating around on a construction
site or anytype of manly work.
Tools comes up missing all the time. Sometimes
we just forget after long hours to pick up everything.
Sometimes there's just so much that needs to get
done with so many freanken projects being worked on.
We just forget little details about someone's ego.
sometimes we have to do work without proper tools,
materials and all we here at the end of the day is...
how come you did get that done from that higher up???
in my thoughts
"will Mr dip sheit...we request deisel @ 6: a.m.
and didn't get it until 5:30 p.m."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
First off, unless your relatives in this union are business agents or work in the office, they don't know any such thing. Rule number one, never borrow tools especially on a union job. I'd give him a chance to get a call from the hall, it's only been a week and the season is just breaking. I think your husband is taking a premature thumping. Maybe your relatives could be supportive or lock their lips. Your husbands personal work status is nothing they know anything about. Blackballed? How could they possibly know such a thing?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Utah
Posts: 20
LGLG07,
Sounds like my recent life with my wife. The truth became so clouded I just can't believe anything she says. Tough to have a great marriage when you don't know when they tell the truth and when they don't. My advice is to make decisions that are best for your children and your husband second. Easy to say but hard to do.
Hang in there...
Sounds like my recent life with my wife. The truth became so clouded I just can't believe anything she says. Tough to have a great marriage when you don't know when they tell the truth and when they don't. My advice is to make decisions that are best for your children and your husband second. Easy to say but hard to do.
Hang in there...
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
thank you hopeless 39 & utahman .. it is just a crazy way of life we have , isnt it ?? how nice would it be to actually have an equal partner ??? be able to trust the others judgement and allow them to make decisions knowing that it will be the best one ?? i get tired of being responsible for everything on my own.
I have to open a new thread with todays latest troubles .. please look for in , I can use all the advice I can get !!!
I have to open a new thread with todays latest troubles .. please look for in , I can use all the advice I can get !!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: concord, nc
Posts: 304
LGLG07, I had a lightbulb moment when I read your post. You stated that you were tired on being responsible for everything on your own. If I am going to be responsible for everything then I want to be on my own. Hope that makes sense.Thank you for the post.
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
loveroy..thank you for welcoming me , sr is absolutely a safe haven .
that makes perfect sense also ... something to think about . ive been alone for so long now , what have i got to lose ?
that makes perfect sense also ... something to think about . ive been alone for so long now , what have i got to lose ?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: WA Rainforest
Posts: 209
i am supposed to be working on
trusting him again
trusting him again
You cannot trust a drunk even when he's sober. Here's something to live by: if he's talking, he's probably lying. You should not trust him for the least little thing until he has several months of sobriety under his belt and has shown you that he is trustworthy. Trust is earned, not given.
About the job and the union stuff I have no advice but it's never a good idea to borrow stuff from work. You see what can happen. And people with active addictions lie and steal, it's part of the illness. he may truly believe that he had permission when he didn't. My ex is the same way, he will absolutely truly believe that something happened this way and not that way because this way is better for him than that way.
The lament of the codependent spouse - being the only responsible adult in the house. Me, I did not sign up to be married to a 5 yr old but that's what you get when your H is an alcoholic. I'm better off without him but then I don't have 4 little kids to support either. 'Course, if he's not working, he's not supporting his kids, now is he?
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