Codependents?
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Thornville, Oh
Posts: 40
Codependents?
Hello all. After just being diagnosed as an obsessive compulsive rapid cycle Bi-polar, my therapist has also told me I am codependent. I guess I did not know what codependency was (I thought it was as simple as needing someone to be happy) because when I look at different websites with definitions/explanations for it, I can pretty much check every box on the list in regards to me. 
The only thing that strikes me as odd is no one in my immediate family had anything other than a cigarette addiction. That being said, my mother's father (my grandfather) was raised by an abusive alcoholic, so maybe she passed it on to me (the behavior)?
Regardless, I am sorry to disturb you nice people, but I am wondering if anyone knows of any support forums for this condition?
I only found my way here because it came up in a search for the support forum.
I am sorry if I disturbed anyone.
The only thing that strikes me as odd is no one in my immediate family had anything other than a cigarette addiction. That being said, my mother's father (my grandfather) was raised by an abusive alcoholic, so maybe she passed it on to me (the behavior)?
Regardless, I am sorry to disturb you nice people, but I am wondering if anyone knows of any support forums for this condition?
I only found my way here because it came up in a search for the support forum.
I am sorry if I disturbed anyone.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upper Kolobia
Posts: 153
Drop Down to The ACOA Sections Below . . .
Codependency is a situation where, as a condition of being in a relationship with someone else, you're "required" to behave in a manner that's toxic to your emotional and mental health.
There's also a huge element of "chemistry" in that we're drawn to individuals who are toxic as well. Ordinary, nurturing relationships feel "odd" at best . . .
Yes, it's a multi-generational dynamic, and the common element is shame arising from dysfunction in one's family of origin.
John Bradshaw's books "Healing the Shame that Binds You" and "The Family" are excellent resources, as is Alice Miller's "For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Childrearing."
Be prepared to be really angry for a good long time if you take this path (it's part of the recovery process), which means you'll want to be stable on the meds you take for your bi-polar disorder (and stay in close touch with your therapist/psychiatrist as well).
Good luck.
There's also a huge element of "chemistry" in that we're drawn to individuals who are toxic as well. Ordinary, nurturing relationships feel "odd" at best . . .
Yes, it's a multi-generational dynamic, and the common element is shame arising from dysfunction in one's family of origin.
John Bradshaw's books "Healing the Shame that Binds You" and "The Family" are excellent resources, as is Alice Miller's "For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Childrearing."
Be prepared to be really angry for a good long time if you take this path (it's part of the recovery process), which means you'll want to be stable on the meds you take for your bi-polar disorder (and stay in close touch with your therapist/psychiatrist as well).
Good luck.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Thornville, Oh
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by concolor1 
Codependency is a situation where, as a condition of being in a relationship with someone else, you're "required" to behave in a manner that's toxic to your emotional and mental health.
There's also a huge element of "chemistry" in that we're drawn to individuals who are toxic as well. Ordinary, nurturing relationships feel "odd" at best . . .
Yes, it's a multi-generational dynamic, and the common element is shame arising from dysfunction in one's family of origin.
John Bradshaw's books "Healing the Shame that Binds You" and "The Family" are excellent resources, as is Alice Miller's "For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Childrearing."
Be prepared to be really angry for a good long time if you take this path (it's part of the recovery process), which means you'll want to be stable on the meds you take for your bi-polar disorder (and stay in close touch with your therapist/psychiatrist as well).
Good luck.
There's also a huge element of "chemistry" in that we're drawn to individuals who are toxic as well. Ordinary, nurturing relationships feel "odd" at best . . .
Yes, it's a multi-generational dynamic, and the common element is shame arising from dysfunction in one's family of origin.
John Bradshaw's books "Healing the Shame that Binds You" and "The Family" are excellent resources, as is Alice Miller's "For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Childrearing."
Be prepared to be really angry for a good long time if you take this path (it's part of the recovery process), which means you'll want to be stable on the meds you take for your bi-polar disorder (and stay in close touch with your therapist/psychiatrist as well).
Good luck.
I just started therapy (this was my third visit), so no meds yet. I was diagnosed as BP with OCD in 98 but didn't stick with it. The new therapist figured out I was a rapid cycler. Why will I be angry?
My mother is very toxic, so I agree with your definition very much so. She was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive to my brother and I. Not to say she is an awful person, I am guessing she felt she was doing better with us then her dad did with her (come home drunk and beat them every night on their bare backs with belts or whatever until they bled, pee'd themselves and passed out).
Here is a kicker: I don't KNOW if I am in a normal relationship. I thought my wife was unloving/caring and she may well be, but from what I have read, that is a sign of my codependency shining through. Apparently if someone isn't telling me how great I am and they need me 24/7 (which, if I am honest, is what I want) I resent them.
I do know that I have found a way to destroy every relationship I've been in. This is the first girl I've not had to "rescue" and again, honestly, it made me uncomfortable.
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Originally Posted by 1_day@_a_time
Melody Beattie is the incredible author of Codependent No More.
In all the years, I've never seen better.
In all the years, I've never seen better.
I actually ordered that book today on Amazon.
Thank you!
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I'm glad you found us Crash!
Take a look around and I think you'll find information that is useful to you. As well as the ACOA forum, we also have a forum on Mental Health which might be helpful for you.
Take a look around and I think you'll find information that is useful to you. As well as the ACOA forum, we also have a forum on Mental Health which might be helpful for you.
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Originally Posted by 51anna
I'm glad you found us Crash!
Take a look around and I think you'll find information that is useful to you. As well as the ACOA forum, we also have a forum on Mental Health which might be helpful for you.
Take a look around and I think you'll find information that is useful to you. As well as the ACOA forum, we also have a forum on Mental Health which might be helpful for you.
Thank you! I may just do that!
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Also check out Friends and Family sections down below. More codependents there in various stages of recovery. Whether you are living with an active alcoholic/addict or not if you have the codependency traits and thinking patterns/behaviors you will find much in that section that you can identify with.
Personally I was a codie long before I ever became an alcoholic so I post all over the place LOL!
I second the recommendations for Melodie Beattie. I can't speak for the other books as I have never read them.
Sit back, look around, post and educate yourself.
Hugs,
Kellye
Personally I was a codie long before I ever became an alcoholic so I post all over the place LOL!
I second the recommendations for Melodie Beattie. I can't speak for the other books as I have never read them.
Sit back, look around, post and educate yourself.
Hugs,
Kellye
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
JC, welcome to SR...
yep, melodie b is great... check this out... you have to parooze around.. its huge...
http://www.joy2meu.com/index.html
xxoo,
codie or bust... rz
yep, melodie b is great... check this out... you have to parooze around.. its huge...
http://www.joy2meu.com/index.html
xxoo,
codie or bust... rz
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