MsGolightly

you know that feeling when your A is drinking and it just won't go away? i feel so sick to my stomach, especially when she calls me during the night, saying she has so much potential, she just can't physically stop drinking.

i don't know what to do... i don't know how to make her stay with the feeling that she has so much to offer. she needs to get past the first few days... she needs to get rid of her drinking friends... she knows all this but physically can't, and it makes me so sick to my stomach!

she once described what it was like for her body to be at the liquor store without her brain even registering where she was... this is someone who is so young but who just can't control her body's addiction - is there anything i can do to help?!

i'm so scared that the hands-off approach is going to make her get into a car accident while drinking... i'm so scared i'm the only person she has who really sees more in her - what she was and what she could be when sober again

i just want to shake her and say WAKE UP .... i know this isn't who she is, she knows she can do better, which makes this SO HARD for me - my stomach is in knots and i can't stop crying...

Cynay

I know its scarry.... Nope there is nothing you can do... she has to do it herself and if she has to pay the price of a DUI or something else and you dont allow it to happen you might just have prolonged the disease by not letting her hit her bottom. If she wanted it she could go to rehab....

When it hurts that much is when I have to put boundries in place for me.... Like not talking to her drunk at night. Not willing to drive her etc...

Hang in there, hard as it is either she will get help or you will. Put the focus back on you sweetie.

denny57

Hey, In, I don't know even know you and I just want to shake YOU and say WAKE UP!



Assume the worst - you can't help her - now what steps can you take for your own life?

((()))

Seeking Wisdom

I think we have all felt the frustration you are describing ...but she has at least reached a point where she realizes she has a problem - that is good news and from what I have recently read, the earlier they seek help the better their chance of recovery. My husband took about 20 years to reach that point where finally he admitted he had a problem. Once he acknowledged it, for the first time, he started making serious attempts to correct it with AA ..etc. Unfortunately he waited too long, the addiction was too strong, his health was failing and he was not successful, but maybe your A is getting close to realizing she needs to turn her life around.

denny57

I do agree the earlier the better. When I met AH, though, he was 27 years old and saying a lot of what In's SO is saying. In the end, I still advise taking care of oneself. I believed him, too, and made a choice to stick by him. Well, 18 years later he's still drinking and I'm in the middle of a long drawn out divorce.

I think it's possible to be supportive and loving - from a distance. Don't sink with the illness or you're no good to anyone.

MsGolightly

thanks guys, i completely agree. she knows she needs help, i just wish there was more i could do! she can always stay sober a few days, then someone calls and asks her to go out and she goes, like she really just can't stop herself.

i love her so much but it's starting to really wear me down. i'm looking into getting a therapist... i just think i need someone i can talk to about everything because it's so overwhelming.

i really appreciate all of your advice and support - i know you have all been here and are wanting to help - i listen to every word you say with all of my heart.

i just wish it was easier than it has been! i know it's not my fault and that i can't do anything besides let her know that i love her and i will be here for her when she's sober. she's got a great head on her shoulders, she's incredibly intelligent, and i think it's a hard concept for her to grasp that she's 23 and has a serious problem that is going to prevent her from going out with her friends to bars, like everyone else our age does.

maybe i'm too sympathetic. maybe not. she could rob a bank at gunpoint and i'd probably say she was going through a rough time, it's the disease, etc... but i really truly feel there's hope for her - i just want her to know that without completely destroying myself in the process.

you have all been LIFESAVERS for me! i appreciate you so much!

hope2bhappy

You could unplug your phone so that you can get a good night's sleep. Then the next day, you could offer to support her while she goes through a treatment program. You mention the physical addiction. The doctors can give her medication to lessen this so that she is more able to focus on her recovery.

Nicole0927

In this for me, I have that feeling too!!! ITS SUCKS! Feeling like ya gota throw up can't eat can't sleep can't do anything but think about your addict. Mine's been missing for 2 days now. Stll haven't heard from him. I will pary for you. Taloking to God helps me.

MsGolightly

nicole, i'm so sorry you're going through this! it's the worst feeling and it makes it even worse that we can't do anything to physically help it - besides helping ourselves. i can't eat and can't sleep either... all i do is feel this pain in my stomach and it's absolutely horrible. i will definitely be thinking about you and praying he returns to you safely.