I'm windy again today
it is what it is...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 179
I'm windy again today
Long winded but happy today. As many of you know, I dump it all at once on occasion, thanks for sticking with me.
My A got transported home to county jail to attend court for his DUI. He called me Thursday at work and yelled at me about the bike and about things in general. I warned him I would hang up if he kept yelling. He stopped yelling for a second, the screamed again. I hung up this time. I was so upset (PMS wasn’t helping) I told the gals at work I would be right back. I couldn’t even think to drive around the block. I usually don’t get like that (PMS). But I made it down the street and parked and cried for about 10 minutes and went back to work.
He called later and said that he wouldn’t be talking to me or calling me etc. I agreed then he said, I’ll be in town if you want to come see me Saturday. I am still weak so I did. However, his daughter spent the night with me Friday on a spur of the moment so she could make some money babysitting for my friend. I told her I was going to see dad in the morning if she wanted to come along. She did of course. We normally sit in front of a camera and see him on a screen but this time we went into the old rooms with glass instead, which was nice because it was more private and personal.
He came in the room and wouldn’t look at me. He talked to Kim first. She yammered and laughed and made jokes as she always does. He cried. I cried, Kim joked. We usually have 20 minute visits so she talked for a while and when she seemed to be running out of things to talk about I asked her if he wanted to talk to me, he did. I told him I didn’t mean to make him cry. He said I did but it was OK and thanked me for bringing her. We made a decision on the bike that will work for both of us. He also told me he is going to church. He said he goes as often as he can and usually ends up crying. He said when he gets out Kim will be in college and he wants to move to another state where he can make better money. Wyo. About 2 hours away.
I told him he should do whatever he needs. I told him I wouldn’t stand in his way anymore and all I wanted was to see him happy. He still has a long way to go but there is at least some hope. I don’t really care if we are ever a couple again. I just want him to be OK with himself. I just want us to get along and hopefully be friends again someday. We got to have a 40 minute visit instead and that was nice. Kimmer-Do stood behind me and made faces and signs behind my back. She forget I could see her in the reflection.
Hard to believe she is 17. She is a great kid. Just started driving, has her own cell phone, looking at colleges to be a vet, has straight A’s, a job. I couldn’t ask for better. I cry more that her mom does at all these accomplishments. I thought I would be the cool mom but I am the one that hyperventilates. She handles her hurt over her dad with humor. When I asked her how she felt about seeing him there she shrugged and said “you can’t make someone change”. Darn kid got it figured out already. I love her.
I know his attitude is bound to change at the drop of a hat. He is sober and proud that he stopped chewing too (that is always accesible in jail). He said he is having a hard time with himself but he is reading self help books and church is good for him. I had to laugh about the look he gave me when he said self help books, we both laughed about that because he used to make fun of me for reading them.
I pray this is it for him. He seems serious, again. That he is sick of his life being this way and he is only a year away from 40. I know I can’t change him. I bit my tongue lots of times when I felt myself pushing something on him. I did pretty good. I told him I was looking at the AA book and he has tried it before and didn’t like it. He said he wants to try something else and feels that God is what he needs more than anything right now. I told him about the al-anon take on 12 steps and he shunned them. I told him I was only telling him what I was learning about and I was not projecting to him. I told him if he thought of some books he would like I had kept some of his money he gave me and could order some for him. He said he would like that.
We ended with Kim getting back on the phone and saying good bye and I love you and so did I. Him and I both wiped our tears and went out of our rooms. Kim was relieved to be out of that small room as she announced she had to fart. I thanked her for waiting. (Good Lord!!!!)
So very long story today. I feel good. I feel like he is not counting on me going back to our relationship as it was. I feel like he knows too we can’t be a couple. I know now I am not the reason he is wanting to recover. I just want him to get better, but for him, not me. I pray he finds himself again.
I however, have torn all the carpet out of my living room, am painting the ceiling today and am not real sure about my next step in putting the floor back in. Laminate floating floor. I am drawing a diagram today and taking it to my friend for some advice!!! Wish me luck. I love you guys!!
My A got transported home to county jail to attend court for his DUI. He called me Thursday at work and yelled at me about the bike and about things in general. I warned him I would hang up if he kept yelling. He stopped yelling for a second, the screamed again. I hung up this time. I was so upset (PMS wasn’t helping) I told the gals at work I would be right back. I couldn’t even think to drive around the block. I usually don’t get like that (PMS). But I made it down the street and parked and cried for about 10 minutes and went back to work.
He called later and said that he wouldn’t be talking to me or calling me etc. I agreed then he said, I’ll be in town if you want to come see me Saturday. I am still weak so I did. However, his daughter spent the night with me Friday on a spur of the moment so she could make some money babysitting for my friend. I told her I was going to see dad in the morning if she wanted to come along. She did of course. We normally sit in front of a camera and see him on a screen but this time we went into the old rooms with glass instead, which was nice because it was more private and personal.
He came in the room and wouldn’t look at me. He talked to Kim first. She yammered and laughed and made jokes as she always does. He cried. I cried, Kim joked. We usually have 20 minute visits so she talked for a while and when she seemed to be running out of things to talk about I asked her if he wanted to talk to me, he did. I told him I didn’t mean to make him cry. He said I did but it was OK and thanked me for bringing her. We made a decision on the bike that will work for both of us. He also told me he is going to church. He said he goes as often as he can and usually ends up crying. He said when he gets out Kim will be in college and he wants to move to another state where he can make better money. Wyo. About 2 hours away.
I told him he should do whatever he needs. I told him I wouldn’t stand in his way anymore and all I wanted was to see him happy. He still has a long way to go but there is at least some hope. I don’t really care if we are ever a couple again. I just want him to be OK with himself. I just want us to get along and hopefully be friends again someday. We got to have a 40 minute visit instead and that was nice. Kimmer-Do stood behind me and made faces and signs behind my back. She forget I could see her in the reflection.
Hard to believe she is 17. She is a great kid. Just started driving, has her own cell phone, looking at colleges to be a vet, has straight A’s, a job. I couldn’t ask for better. I cry more that her mom does at all these accomplishments. I thought I would be the cool mom but I am the one that hyperventilates. She handles her hurt over her dad with humor. When I asked her how she felt about seeing him there she shrugged and said “you can’t make someone change”. Darn kid got it figured out already. I love her.
I know his attitude is bound to change at the drop of a hat. He is sober and proud that he stopped chewing too (that is always accesible in jail). He said he is having a hard time with himself but he is reading self help books and church is good for him. I had to laugh about the look he gave me when he said self help books, we both laughed about that because he used to make fun of me for reading them.
I pray this is it for him. He seems serious, again. That he is sick of his life being this way and he is only a year away from 40. I know I can’t change him. I bit my tongue lots of times when I felt myself pushing something on him. I did pretty good. I told him I was looking at the AA book and he has tried it before and didn’t like it. He said he wants to try something else and feels that God is what he needs more than anything right now. I told him about the al-anon take on 12 steps and he shunned them. I told him I was only telling him what I was learning about and I was not projecting to him. I told him if he thought of some books he would like I had kept some of his money he gave me and could order some for him. He said he would like that.
We ended with Kim getting back on the phone and saying good bye and I love you and so did I. Him and I both wiped our tears and went out of our rooms. Kim was relieved to be out of that small room as she announced she had to fart. I thanked her for waiting. (Good Lord!!!!)
So very long story today. I feel good. I feel like he is not counting on me going back to our relationship as it was. I feel like he knows too we can’t be a couple. I know now I am not the reason he is wanting to recover. I just want him to get better, but for him, not me. I pray he finds himself again.
I however, have torn all the carpet out of my living room, am painting the ceiling today and am not real sure about my next step in putting the floor back in. Laminate floating floor. I am drawing a diagram today and taking it to my friend for some advice!!! Wish me luck. I love you guys!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Central Coast, CA
Posts: 77
Bjen,
That's awesome - I'm so glad it went well. Isn't it wonderful to see healing and a good direction in those we love?
Isn't that funny about your living room - I went home after dropping AH off at rehab yesterday and have been in "nesting" mode ever since - I've cleaned the house, mopped the floors, cleaned the carpets, replaced a broken doorknob (myself!) and now I'm going to install some 2" blinds in my daughter's room!
Enjoy your home's makeover!
That's awesome - I'm so glad it went well. Isn't it wonderful to see healing and a good direction in those we love?
Isn't that funny about your living room - I went home after dropping AH off at rehab yesterday and have been in "nesting" mode ever since - I've cleaned the house, mopped the floors, cleaned the carpets, replaced a broken doorknob (myself!) and now I'm going to install some 2" blinds in my daughter's room!
Enjoy your home's makeover!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
SO glad it went well for all of you...sounds also like he has one heck ofa nice daughter.....you are lucky---I hope the future stays bright---hey I used to do all that house work stuff when I had PMS!!!Sorry to tell you it comes back again in menopase...
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