Love and alcoholic relationships
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blacksburg, VA
Posts: 191
Love and alcoholic relationships
There isnt much ability to feel loved in addicted relationships. I think I forgot what love looked like once. This info has helped open my eyes.
There is no better exercise to the heart than reaching down and lifting someone up
love is intention and action
the opposite of love is not hate but indifference, our apathy to act, our coldness in commitment
Prayers for love will not generate any love
Pleading for love will not evoke love
Preaching about love cannot net love
No valentine greetings can perpetuate love
Only action, Action alone can sow the seeds to reap the harvest of love
Love is a verb.
An al-anon friend saying "Thanks, your sharing helped me today" - thats love
My son asking if I want anything from the kitchen - thats love
A client offering me a bonus to my compensation for a job well done - thats love
Someone on SR replying with thoughtful concern to a post made in deep pain - thats love
Love is all around us if we look, and not wait for the alcoholic to "finally" show love. They may never be able to do it. Even if they say it. Saying is not doing.
Doing is doing.
There is no better exercise to the heart than reaching down and lifting someone up
love is intention and action
the opposite of love is not hate but indifference, our apathy to act, our coldness in commitment
Prayers for love will not generate any love
Pleading for love will not evoke love
Preaching about love cannot net love
No valentine greetings can perpetuate love
Only action, Action alone can sow the seeds to reap the harvest of love
Love is a verb.
An al-anon friend saying "Thanks, your sharing helped me today" - thats love
My son asking if I want anything from the kitchen - thats love
A client offering me a bonus to my compensation for a job well done - thats love
Someone on SR replying with thoughtful concern to a post made in deep pain - thats love
Love is all around us if we look, and not wait for the alcoholic to "finally" show love. They may never be able to do it. Even if they say it. Saying is not doing.
Doing is doing.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Thank you BigGirlPants - I've just recently realized that I had a very skewered idea of what love was.
You're absolutely right - love is an action - and it's all around us. It just takes opening our eyes to really see it. Then it's another step in learning to accept it - graciously.
You're absolutely right - love is an action - and it's all around us. It just takes opening our eyes to really see it. Then it's another step in learning to accept it - graciously.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
BGP, That was great! Thank you for sharing...and showing love!
I was thinking about getting love from people around us and not just our A's, and I realized I haven't been able to accept other's love for me just because I don't get it from my AH. He thinks it's enough to say it and it isn't. But it's warped me because I can't accept it from anybody now.
Of course, I'm not any better than he is because I think if he loved me he wouldn't drink. That's not right either. I think I'm showing him love by...??..enabling. Did I just say that?? I better stop.
Thanks for the great lesson!! I LOVED it enough to pass it on!
, Cheryl
I was thinking about getting love from people around us and not just our A's, and I realized I haven't been able to accept other's love for me just because I don't get it from my AH. He thinks it's enough to say it and it isn't. But it's warped me because I can't accept it from anybody now.
Of course, I'm not any better than he is because I think if he loved me he wouldn't drink. That's not right either. I think I'm showing him love by...??..enabling. Did I just say that?? I better stop.
Thanks for the great lesson!! I LOVED it enough to pass it on!
, Cheryl
dum vita est spes est
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: vita secundum nex
Posts: 287
BGP,
Just read your post, which was outstanding btw.
Sounds like you'd be a candidate to pick up the book, "Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom." Just between you, me, and the fence post (and probably a few hundred other people on this site) it got me a little misty-eyed in a few parts. Enjoy.
Blessings,
PR
Just read your post, which was outstanding btw.
Sounds like you'd be a candidate to pick up the book, "Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom." Just between you, me, and the fence post (and probably a few hundred other people on this site) it got me a little misty-eyed in a few parts. Enjoy.
Blessings,
PR
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Yes, I think BGP would enjoy reading "Tuesdays with Morrie," too. I also enjoyed "Five People You Meet in Heaven." I haven't read his latest book, "One More Day," but it's on my wish list. Great post, BGP.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blacksburg, VA
Posts: 191
Ive heard of that book and of course the movie, but never saw it in its entirity, so didnt know fully what it was about, but now I will look into it.
And yes, the alcoholic I know seems to think its enough to just saw "I love you", and then act exactly the opposite. He just doesnt know how to love.
Its like when my boy was 3 years old and was trying to hit a T ball with his lil plastic bat. I kept saying "Keep your eye on the ball"....he kept missing, I said it again, and he literally bent over to the T, and placed his eye on the ball itself.
He just didnt know the meaning of the term. Like the alcoholic. Doesnt know what love feels like because he doesnt love himself.....therefore, cannot give it. Gives only what he has to give.
Hate. Indifference. Disappointment. THe list goes on.
Sometimes, in my right mind and aligning my behavior with Gods will, I may be the only love he sees in his disease.
And yes, the alcoholic I know seems to think its enough to just saw "I love you", and then act exactly the opposite. He just doesnt know how to love.
Its like when my boy was 3 years old and was trying to hit a T ball with his lil plastic bat. I kept saying "Keep your eye on the ball"....he kept missing, I said it again, and he literally bent over to the T, and placed his eye on the ball itself.
He just didnt know the meaning of the term. Like the alcoholic. Doesnt know what love feels like because he doesnt love himself.....therefore, cannot give it. Gives only what he has to give.
Hate. Indifference. Disappointment. THe list goes on.
Sometimes, in my right mind and aligning my behavior with Gods will, I may be the only love he sees in his disease.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
That is good BGP. I was thinking about my hubby's life. I don't think he knows that he is loved by people other than me. He was abadoned as a child and grew up in a children's home. His sisters seem to only want him for what they can get out of him. He went from one set of house parents to another never feeling that he was loved by any of them.
It makes me so sad I could cry for him. I haven't felt compassion for him in a long time.
It makes me so sad I could cry for him. I haven't felt compassion for him in a long time.
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