free2be

Last night the lawyers office called and said the papers are filed and the server was going to pick up the papers today to serve him. He asked me if I knew his schedue like when he leaves or comes home from work. I have not spoken with him at all so I do not know what schedule he is on. He said that if they can not get him at home they will serve him at work.

So know I am scared.

If they serve him at work I am afraid that he will go ballistic. He has not bothered with me at all since he left. I am scared that if they serve him at work he will get so angry he'll come here and start with me. I asked the lawyer if I would be able to change the locks. He said as of now AH has full access to the property. If this happens call the police. He told me that he'll call me once he is served so I know.

By calling him and giving him the heads-up and asking him his hours and telling him he is going to be served is this again me protecting him? Or am I protecting myself? If he served at his mother's he won't really care.
He really can become violent and crazy especially if drinking. I really am scared.

Cynay

Sweetie if your scared then simply leave till he has time to calm.

A message at a nice resort with an indoor pool sounds pretty good to me.

I personally would keep my hands off, that would not be my job to tell the server how to do his. I understand he might be embarrased and you could tell the server your preference in where he is served.... but in the end not your job sweetie.

denny57

AH also technically has access to the house. I changed the locks. He hasn't challenged it.

If you are afraid of his temper you can ask for a TRO with the summons.

Grace

My ex-AH also had access to the house and I too changed the locks.

I agree with denny57 and with Cynay. I was told it was illegal to change the locks but I was also afraid of his reaction. He did not react, but he was not served at work. Come to think of it, he was at his girlfriend's house. Surprised, I think, would be the better reaction.

You need to protect yourself and follow your gut instincts. If you feel scared...leave! I live with a crazy drunk and I admire your guts. Stick with it! I can understand that you're scared.

I'll keep you in my prayers!
Grace

free2be

denny- what's that?
now kids are asking to go and see him this weekend. I am trying to discourage it. They said then when will we see him? They can not witness it. I will continue to try to think of excuses. They can not visit until this is done.

BigGirlPanties

Dont try to control this. Let be what will be, be.

Protect yourself as best as possible, but dont control alcoholism.

We do not create nor avert the crisis' of the alcoholic. You never know....if he goes insane, maybe it will happen there at work, they call police, he goes to jail, he finds a bottom.

Take care of YOU.

denny57

A temporary restraining order. I did have some proof I could use about AH's temper. After discussion with my attorneys, I didn't ask for one, but I didn't worry about changing the locks, either.

If you have any evidence of his temper, etc., that could work in your favor. Under the law, he has access.

Do you have an Order to Show Cause being done (temporary spousal support, child support?) If so, they can ask for exclusive use of the house. Why not give your attorneys a call?

free2be

I think so, temporary support. Some Latin big words i don't know.
I just don't want to embarrass him in front of his co-workers.
Funny, I used to be able to predict his every move and thought. now, I have no idea what he is thinking or what to expect. Maybe, I can change the locks and just say that being a single woman alone, I felt safer.

socalgal

I haven't been in this exact situation so I can't speak from experience.

I have been in a situation where I felt my family was in danger if we stayed in our house on a particular weekend.(Long, strange story for another time!) The police had the heads up and we were as "protected" as we could be (whatever that is). However, we decided that for our own peace of mind and sanity we just had to get the heck out of Dodge. We packed up the kids and left town for the weekend, very spur of the moment. It was the best thing for us, we were able to just try to think on other things, we went to a zoo and had a mini-vacation rather than live in abject terror all weekend. It was a lot healthier for us and especially for our kids to be away and distracted.

Sure enough, stuff happened while we were gone, but we got to hear about it second hand from the police and the neighbors, not live through it ourselves.

Just wanted to share what we did when it was scary to be home. Please do whatever you must to be safe- mentally and physically. Take care of yourself. I will keep you in my thoughts.

-K

sketscher

I'd change the locks. Really what are the consequences of that? In the face of fear, which is worse breaking the rules or being attacked verbally or otherwise by your x?

keep safe sweety

best

Change the locks.
Changing them doesn't mean you are denying him access.
If he shows up you only need tell him you would feel better if there is a 3rd person around before he is allowed in. He calls the police...there is the third person *grin* Ok now you may come in.

dollydo

Changing the locks will not effect anything, except keep you safe.

Let the due process of the law handle the situation...

You are in my thoughts,

Dolly

AllTooSober

(((fre2be))) hang in there dearie, and let us know how you're doing today, ok?

free2be

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and a light bulb went off.

AH doesn't have a key to the house.

I forgot that a couple years ago when we seperated I took his key. He never took it back and has been using the hidden key all this time. So I took the hidden key. I gave kids a key and told them because I am alone here I do not feel comfortable leaving a key hidden any more. I gave one to my neighbor as well so that if they forget theirs they can still get in the house.

WOW, relieved. safe.

Zoey

I would put on dead bolt locks for night time. I believe any and all females living alone or with childern should have and use dead bolts.

Get one with a key, but keep that key or keys with you and no copies. Just in case one child discovers he can lock the whole family out of the house. No hiding one, none to neighbors etc.

A lot of locks can be opened by sliding a credit card in. Well also if someone really wants in they can break a window.

I would leave if concerned. Don't go to parents or best friends as then he could cause trouble for them.
Also hotel better than motel. Motel has outside door with your car parked in front of door. Just suggestions.

free2be

See by giving him the heads up that he is being served in a couple of days. He could be served at his mothers not at work. This way I can avoid all of this. He wouldn't care he was served at her house. He would only be upset if it were at work.

Zoey

OK, I really don't understand, but I sure hope it all works out OK.

Caring hugs

free2be

Thanks zoey, I really don't understand either. makes no difference. It will be what it will be.

Sunflower

My prayers go out to you--be safe--stay strong....