Pilgrim

Dubs here.

My son is missing ex boyfriend (not my girls). Stupidly, and probably with other motives in mind - loneliness - I I invited him around tonight for a bbq. I told him it is for my son and in many ways it is. In turn, he invited a friend of ours who has two children and is on his own tonight. Also a heavy drinker.

Ex has arrived. Not drunk but I can smell the alcohol and see the wine marks on his lips and he says he hasn't had anything. He has that nasty face he gets after a few drinks. I hate this. I hate lies. I just can't stand them any more. I want to shout at him to leave but I will have to go through with the evening now. Watching them both get drunk.

I need to know you are here and that you love me still. I came up a minute ago to my room and I have prayed for strength. I will keep you in my thoughts all night and I will keep my children close to me. I just hope I will be strong enough not to pick up.

barb dwyer

hey Pilgeim -

just breathe, hon.

Being a sore - type alpha, I don't comletely understand why you have to let them stay there if they're drinkin' and you don't want it in your house,
but ... meanwhile ...
I'm here!
and I'm sure others will be along soon!

*hugs*

hanging
barb

Sunflower

stay strong!!! tell them to leave if it is too much for you--say you are ill--

CarolD

Don't pick up
or put up with drunks.

You be safe and strong k?

Missminime

Dubs you will make it through. Youre so strong! I believe in you. I was just about PM about something i really wanted to tell you, and i will. i just want you to see this first. You have helped me alot, youre so amazing and such a great inspiration

Lots of love and hugs
// minnie

ayla zaire

dubs.....i love you my friend....i am here....stay strong, dear......

hugs
ayla

c'est la vie

dubs, you have the power and the right to ask someone to leave your house if you don't want them there. You don't have to put up with anything "for the sake of your son". It's just not a good enough reason to harm yourself or mess with your sanity.

lovecat

Dubs c'est la vie is so right .... ask them to leave . im sure your son would prefer you to be sober than have these two at your bbq ..... remember SR is just at your fingertips ...... ((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))

Pilgrim

Firstly, thank you. I love you too Ayla. So much. Minnie - where is my PM hunny? C'est. I agree and it isn't in my son's best interests at all. I just ache that the men in his life are not there for him. He craves man contact. Carol, I didn't pick up. I felt ok and calm and so grateful for you guys and AA and God. It takes away the desire. What is that? Barb - I don't understand either. Hugs to you too.

Well it's over. Can I tell you about it please? It helps me to talk to you because you understand and the adults that were here tonight don't. It helps me to understand myself better and maybe it will help me avoid making the same mistake next time.

I had a panic after he was already in the house and it was too late to cancel the bbq. I will tell him when he is sober that if he does that again, I will cancel - even if it is last minute. The family he invited over is kind of work - an imporant client.

I've had more fun in hospital than I had tonight. I was taken a bit by surprise I guess. This man is in daily contact with me. He says he loves me. He has lived with me for the past 5 years - on and off - without ever committing. He knows what I am doing at the moment and it was beyond my wildest dreams that he would turn up already half cooked. By the end of the night he was well done and there was no chance of any sort of reasonable conversation. He said "see you tomorrow" and then he realised he wouldn't. I said - that's ok - it's just habit. He got angry about that. How can that make someone angry?

Then I saw something I have never seen. I asked him to take the half full bottle of wine with him. The cork was already out of it. He said it would spill and he said he would pour it down the sink. He went to the sink and waited and he couldn't!!!!! He took it with him with the top still off.

He is a very sick sausage. He is my Mum!

I managed OK. I knew you were there with me and I didn't once feel alone. I sat on the couch and watched them drink and I felt like we were all sitting on the couch together. I looked after all the children (and there were millions) like a mother hen and enjoyed every minute. I cleaned up afterwards. In the past I would have done that in the morning. But I am managing my life so much better. My daughter told me tonight she is proud of me.

So that was day 18. Only an hour until day 19. Tttthhhhaaaankkkkkkkk you.

All my love,

Steph

lovecat

Dubs soooooooo proud of you

Pilgrim

Thanks Lovecat. It is hard to describe the impact that you and everyone here have had on my life. I don't understand how it works. I don't feel proud of myself because I didn't have to be brave. I felt just the opposite. I felt weak. Somehow that helped me get through.

A song came on the radio tonight and I haven't heard it for years. It's called "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight". Can someone please tell me if Carol is still alive? It made me think of her and after I heard it, no one could have made me take a drink, not even my rat voice.

Missminime

Im so pleased to hear that Ofc your daughter is proud of you. so am i, and everyone here is

Oh and that PM, lol where is my mind at? i got interupted and totally forgot it. oh well. right on it, thx for the reminder

minnie

stone

Hi dubs, you did good mate! I love you by the way.

Pilgrim

Thanks Stone and Minnie,

I am really tired and I need to try to get some sleep now. Love you guys too.

xx

stone

How about answering my PM dubsy

Pilgrim

I thought I did. I might be a bit tired. I'll go back and check.

Missminime

Hey whats up with the special treatment of stone here :saywhat?:
Wheres my reply? :P

Nah im just kidding Dubs, sleep well - you deserv a good night sleep.

Hugs Minnie

barb dwyer

*whew*

Kellye C

Dubs,

Wow, you really went through one heck of a night! I am very proud of you. You reached out to us and you made it through. Keep up that great work and happy day 19 to you!

Hugs,
Kellye

Rusty Zipper

dubs'y... so nice to see you growing...

if theres a next time... lock the door...

cant put "anything" in front of sobriety in early recovery... any recovery too...

saw someone last night, had a few months... whammo!... thats was his mistake... first things first... yep, you dubs'y... you and your recovery are of the most important...

the rest, will, and does follow...

love dubs...

zip