I hate alcoholism
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Happily ever after...
Posts: 163
I hate alcoholism
Met with the lawyer today, I am filing for divorce.
I can't stop crying. I thought I was so strong and so over it.
I miss him so much. I miss my best friend, my confidant, my lover. I miss his stupid comments, his gross habits, the way he always called me by my middle name.
I want my husband back, my childrens father back, a man who was once strong and full of pride, he had goals, dreams and ambitions. The person I fell in love with.
I HATE ALCOHOLISM!!!!!! I HATE IT!!! I HATE IT!!!!! I HATE IT!!!!!
It's not fair, It sucks. I want it all to go away, NOW!!!
Why did this happen?
I can't stop crying. I thought I was so strong and so over it.
I miss him so much. I miss my best friend, my confidant, my lover. I miss his stupid comments, his gross habits, the way he always called me by my middle name.
I want my husband back, my childrens father back, a man who was once strong and full of pride, he had goals, dreams and ambitions. The person I fell in love with.
I HATE ALCOHOLISM!!!!!! I HATE IT!!! I HATE IT!!!!! I HATE IT!!!!!
It's not fair, It sucks. I want it all to go away, NOW!!!
Why did this happen?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Metro, TX
Posts: 29
Read my post from today titled "a sad day for me."
I am right there with you. What I have to tell myself is that he is NOT the man that I married. Yes, we said "for better or for worse," but it's been too long since I have seen the better part of that. I have focused on him for so long that I have completely neglected myself. It's time for ME!!! It's time for YOU!!!
I am right there with you. What I have to tell myself is that he is NOT the man that I married. Yes, we said "for better or for worse," but it's been too long since I have seen the better part of that. I have focused on him for so long that I have completely neglected myself. It's time for ME!!! It's time for YOU!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I'm sorry you are hurting today.
Ya know, a friend of mine asked me today if I miss XAH. I told her that was a trick question but I tried to explain to her how there are little things that I miss, but I don't necessarily miss HIM, the way he was. However, I miss the man that I fell in love with, but he's been gone for about 18 years now. Even after all the shyte he's put me and the kids through and everything else, I still miss the man he was.
Hang in there. I know it's hard and it will continue to be hard. (((free2be)))
Ya know, a friend of mine asked me today if I miss XAH. I told her that was a trick question but I tried to explain to her how there are little things that I miss, but I don't necessarily miss HIM, the way he was. However, I miss the man that I fell in love with, but he's been gone for about 18 years now. Even after all the shyte he's put me and the kids through and everything else, I still miss the man he was.
Hang in there. I know it's hard and it will continue to be hard. (((free2be)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Booneyville USA
Posts: 246
"I miss him so much. I miss my best friend, my confidant, my lover. I miss his stupid comments, his gross habits, the way he always called me by my middle name."
Hang in there free2be. It's going to get better for you now. You can be out of the insane situation you've been living in and experience peace. You just have to let yourself feel it
The man you miss isn't there anymore. He's been consumed by his disease. Only he can find that man and bring him back if he chooses to. Its not fair. It sucks. But its reality for us at this point. I promise you it does get easier. Allow yourself to grieve and then move on. we're here to help you and give you support. You aren't alone in this.
Hang in there free2be. It's going to get better for you now. You can be out of the insane situation you've been living in and experience peace. You just have to let yourself feel it
The man you miss isn't there anymore. He's been consumed by his disease. Only he can find that man and bring him back if he chooses to. Its not fair. It sucks. But its reality for us at this point. I promise you it does get easier. Allow yourself to grieve and then move on. we're here to help you and give you support. You aren't alone in this. Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
I see a parallel, here. Our trying giving up the alcoholic can be the same as the alcoholic trying to give up alcohol. Don't want to... hurts... uncomfortable... can't do it. Resist, resist, resist. Just a thought I had.
Divorce is a painful thing. For many, it's worse than death. In a way, it IS a death -- the death of your marriage. You are going through the grief process. Unfortunately, it is necessary in order to get to the other side. Also, your emotions could be playing tricks on your mind. Now that he is gone, you are remembering only the good things. What about the bad things? Obviously you felt the bad outweighed the good, or you wouldn't be filing for divorce.
Let yourself grieve. What you are feeling is normal. What you are missing doesn't really exist anymore (or right now, at least). Many people here are going, and have gone, through your same situation. I am so sorry for your pain. You are a very brave woman.
Divorce is a painful thing. For many, it's worse than death. In a way, it IS a death -- the death of your marriage. You are going through the grief process. Unfortunately, it is necessary in order to get to the other side. Also, your emotions could be playing tricks on your mind. Now that he is gone, you are remembering only the good things. What about the bad things? Obviously you felt the bad outweighed the good, or you wouldn't be filing for divorce.
Let yourself grieve. What you are feeling is normal. What you are missing doesn't really exist anymore (or right now, at least). Many people here are going, and have gone, through your same situation. I am so sorry for your pain. You are a very brave woman.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Oh, fre2b3, it really sucks big time. I cry my heart out when I look at the photos of him before the disease devastated his body and mind. They were all good people, but something inside of them made them feel compelled to turn to alcohol for their strength, confidence, and courage.
I see how I've gone downhill and I'm ashamed of it. I became soooooo focused on his very being in the same house with me that I knew I had to get out or lose my very own life.
Hope2be is right on the mark. They're addicted to the booze and we are addicted to fixing them. They manipulate and control. We manipulate and control. Just different sides of the same coin.
Big hugs to you. Yes, every single one of us here understand the terrible pain you are experiencing because you are losing him. Honey, you lost him a long time before you filed the papers. Please give this up to your higher power. We can't take your hurt away, but keep posting so we can be there for you during this awful time. If you want to PM me to vent, I'll be more than willing to listen. I can't do much to ease your pain through cyberspace, but I'm going through it and I'll do whatever I can to help.
I see how I've gone downhill and I'm ashamed of it. I became soooooo focused on his very being in the same house with me that I knew I had to get out or lose my very own life.
Hope2be is right on the mark. They're addicted to the booze and we are addicted to fixing them. They manipulate and control. We manipulate and control. Just different sides of the same coin.
Big hugs to you. Yes, every single one of us here understand the terrible pain you are experiencing because you are losing him. Honey, you lost him a long time before you filed the papers. Please give this up to your higher power. We can't take your hurt away, but keep posting so we can be there for you during this awful time. If you want to PM me to vent, I'll be more than willing to listen. I can't do much to ease your pain through cyberspace, but I'm going through it and I'll do whatever I can to help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Metro, TX
Posts: 29
I have said that very thing. In fact, just this weekend, I told my AH that I was addicted to his problem. It consumes me. For me, the only way to stop and fix my problem is to get him out of the house. When we were separated before, I was SO well!! I am looking forward to being there again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
My prayers are with you---the end of anything is always so difficult--you want the man he used to be back---until or if he ever gets help and stays sober---that old husband is gone--now you have to deal with a new man--an alcoholic-you degrades you and drags you down--it is normal you are grieveing the end of your marriage--I did as well...In a few months you will onder why you put up with it for so long.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: cleveland,OH
Posts: 28
I too will be going down that road. I need to call the lawyer today and get some information. I know the feelings that will be there and I will have to face them, yes I hate Alcoholism too. I will say a prayer that we all will find the strength to get through this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
You know that cup that runneth over for everyone else, you have one too. We can only take so much and the cup just spills over. For me, it didn't come as I had anticipated. I always thought there would be one last big event.
It was actually a typical day and something simply spilled over and I began to cry, wail, moan in a very primal pruging way. There wasn't room for one more drop in my cup.
I literally knew that staying one more minute would mean never leaving and I knew I would be dead. As I had always knew I had promised to stay at the alter, I now knew that staying meant dying.
That's the depth I had to come to before I left. I knew that dying that way was a great sin.
I suppose I cried at the realization, the loss, but a part of me sobbed for the accountability I know my husband will face on Judgement day.
Since that day, when I left with a five year old and a six month old, my life has been a testimony of impossibilites being made possible. When I say impossible, I'm not kidding.
I left with two kids, a dime in my pocket and a diaper bag.
We went to a shelter for three days.
Since then, not much scares me.
It's like I died. It's like I was born again. I was born again.
There was a destiny for me. There is a destiny for you.
I absolutely could not do what I do for a living if I had not had that experience.
In one million years, never, ever, would I have gone on to college to become a nurse.
Stick to what your heart is telling you, no matter how hard. The happiness that awaits is so close.
In many ways, I attended my own funeral back then.
Things we still love can still die.
It was actually a typical day and something simply spilled over and I began to cry, wail, moan in a very primal pruging way. There wasn't room for one more drop in my cup.
I literally knew that staying one more minute would mean never leaving and I knew I would be dead. As I had always knew I had promised to stay at the alter, I now knew that staying meant dying.
That's the depth I had to come to before I left. I knew that dying that way was a great sin.
I suppose I cried at the realization, the loss, but a part of me sobbed for the accountability I know my husband will face on Judgement day.
Since that day, when I left with a five year old and a six month old, my life has been a testimony of impossibilites being made possible. When I say impossible, I'm not kidding.
I left with two kids, a dime in my pocket and a diaper bag.
We went to a shelter for three days.
Since then, not much scares me.
It's like I died. It's like I was born again. I was born again.
There was a destiny for me. There is a destiny for you.
I absolutely could not do what I do for a living if I had not had that experience.
In one million years, never, ever, would I have gone on to college to become a nurse.
Stick to what your heart is telling you, no matter how hard. The happiness that awaits is so close.
In many ways, I attended my own funeral back then.
Things we still love can still die.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Happily ever after...
Posts: 163
Grieving, yes. I am mourning the death of someone who was once a wonderful person. Even though that person has been gone for a very long time. I have given up the fight to try and make him well. In my head I have known for a long time there wasn't any hope, I think my heart finally caught up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Your husband said vows to you too....it was a two way road hun...He was duty bound to keep his mind and body healthy so that those marriage vows could not be broken...HE FAILED...not you....stay the course.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
i HATE alcoholism too.....it is claiming the love of my life too....it is so sad to watch - feeling so helpless....keep pushing forward...i hope i have the courage to do the same soon - i am just lucky we are not married yet....god bless..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by chero 
Is it true that the happiness that awaits is so close?
I lost my marriage, my home, my business and my health. I moved to a new town, made new friends, got a new job and even have a nice little condo now. Someday I'll find another soulmate, I'm still working on that
You can start by looking up "al-anon" in your phonebook. Check out some of their meetings and their literature. Hang around here in Sober Recovery for awhile. It won't take long before you're making silly jokes like the rest of us and laughing more often than crying.
Mike
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Laughing at all would be nice!
I know in my little town there aren't any meetings, but I'm going to check around and see if I can find something somewhere else. I so scared at the thought of going, though. I don't know.
I know in my little town there aren't any meetings, but I'm going to check around and see if I can find something somewhere else. I so scared at the thought of going, though. I don't know.
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