Daisy30

HI!

I am new here and I am not sure where to start. I have read some of the posts here...not all...I hope I am not repeating things.

My husband is an A (at least I believe him to be) his drinking has got bad over the last 2 years...prior to this it was not a problem. He now hides his drinking from me (like I can't tell).
(there is so much more to share...but for right now I'll leave it at this)

We have 2 children and I am pregnant with our 3rd
I told him that I can not bring another child into this situation....

I guess one question/problem I have is: I think that he should leave...he has told me that he will stop and he hasn't..I don't think that I should have to pack up the kids and move them out of the house because of his unwillingness to change. The closest relative I have is an hour away and our older daughter is in school (I would have to drive an hour to take her to school and then an hour back...etc...with a toddler in the car).
How can I get him to leave? I want him to know that I am serious about not wanting him here if her continues his drinking behavior....I just don't know how to do it?????

dayxday

Hi Daisy
Welcome to SR. IMO if he is hiding is drinking, then there definately is a problem. For some reason they all think if they hide it we won't know.

It seems that once they start hiding it - the problems begin to worsen.

I don't know how you can make him leave, but others here may have some ideas for you.

Please keep reading and posting. Everyone here has been in your shoes in one way or another, we all understand and are here when you need us.

Daisy30

thanks

I agree..He definately need to be in recovery....and he hs been "hiding" it for a while so I know what you mean about it getting worse. It's such a rollercoasterhe starts out every morning with good intentions....and usually fails most evenings (sigh)

WantsOut

Just tell him they're giving away free beer at the end of the block.

Sorry ... gallows humor.

The only way I know of to get him out is to a) get him to agree to leave b) file for divorce and make it one of the stipulations.

Unfortunately there's no "jackass police" that can be called to get douchy men out of our homes

You can only tell him you are serious and if he doesn't believe you, well isn't he going to be in for a surprise.

luv2all

Welcome! I hope you can get to Al-Anon meetings as soon as possible. You will get your answers. Many Al-Anon ladies have also gone to a couple or so open AA meetings to learn what the disease is all about. Knowledge is power.

I wish you good luck and please keep coming back to share often with us and let us know how you're doing. We care. May God bless you with courage and strength.

luv2all

P.S. I hope you will stay in your home for the sake of the children's and your welfare.

dollydo

Welcome,

Understanding the disease is the first step, have you been to any meetings?

You don't have to do anything right this red hot miniute. You can wait until your daughters term for the year has ended and then make your move. In the
meatime, squirrel away as much money as you can, formulate your plan and
follow through.

That is of coarse, if you really want to let him go and move forward with your life.

Sit back think it all through, the hardest part is making the decision.

Keep posting,
Dolly

Daisy30

Thanks everyone...
I do want to go to Al anon...and I have checked the times in the area. I need to call and see if it is okay to bring my toddler??? Anyone know??

I know I may be nieve and I may be setting myself up for disappointment...but I was hoping that once I left that e would start recovery. I would come back as long as he was in recovery (and we were getting counceling).

I am due in 9 weeks and I really don't think I can handle a newborn, two other children and his drinking. The post pardum stage is so hard....that I feel like I need a support system and I can't be worrying about when he s going to pass out .....or if it is safe to leave him with the baby...etc

parentrecovers

welcome, daisy30 - sounds like you are thinking about the right steps - putting yourself and your children before the addiction is good. remember this about your husband's alcoholism - you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you cannot control it.

keep posting! blessings, k

Pick-a-name

Hi,daisy...so glad you found us! I have found so much help and information (and support) on this board that it has helped me not "do" anything until i was decided about what it was I was ready to do.

Learning about addiction has helped a lot,too.

Have you read "Under the Influence" or the "Getting Them Sober" books? (read some "preview" chapters of them online at http://www.GettingThemSober.com) Those books have helped me (and continue to help me!) and might be a good and easy place to start. Post and read here,and AlAnon.
Stick around. This place is open 24/7 so even if you are up with the new baby, you can always come here for moral support.
Hugs and prayers to you..........hope to see you here often.

Cynay

Not much to add except my Welcome too!

You have your hands full that is for sure, All you really need to do now is focus on yourself and the children... I dont supose that 9 weeks before birth is a good time to make major changes.... but if you take that time to learn more about the disease and what your choices are... it will help alot. You could always call a crisis line and see if you have options for having him removed from the home?..

Anyway I look forward to getting to know you, stick around and read all you can.

Nuudawn

I will echo Cynay's suggestion about making a call to a crisis line and maybe a law line as well.
I certainly understand your hopes that taking action would lead him to taking action of his own. Been there, done that. What I had to come to understand is that I was permitted to make my choice...and he is in fact permitted to make his. My ex has no interest in getting sober and that is his perogative plain and simply. I am alcoholic as well and truly hoped my entering recovery would encourage him to do same. Nope, not so. But I know for a fact, the decison had to be mine. Sobriety and recovery is the hardest work I have ever undertaken and if I didn't truly want it for me...well, I'd be back drinking over at my ex's.

denny57

welcome daisy30

I hope the joy of your new child helps in the tough days ahead. I think it's common to hope leaving the alcoholic will result in them finding sobriety. And it might. But maybe not for weeks, months or years. Or not at all. That's why it's important to take care of you, and your children.

Many meetings I attend have babysitting available. Other meetings allow toddlers in the room. Call your Central Office of Al-Anon and they'll steer you in the right direction.

Keep posting and good luck with everything!

lilac

Welcome to SR. It sounds like you have a level head on your shoulders. You don't have to make any sudden decisions right now, until you are ready....Please keep coming back here and reading and posting. Have you tried Al-anon meetings? If and when you go to your first al-anon meeting, don't give up if your first one is not what you expected. Try other ones, I did.

My AH was hiding bottles from me too, right before I moved out. It amazes me that they think we don't know they have been drinking if we don't see the bottle. (((Hugs to you)))

Daisy30

Thanks!

I apprciate all of your thoughts. I definately need to get to the library and get started on my reading!!!