iamme2

Hi all,
I am new here. I am a daughter of an alcoholic. I have not lived with him since I was 10 or so when my parents got divorced. For many years, as far as I knew, he was doing fine and not drinking. Whenever I saw him, he was sober and was being his wonderful self. I loved being with him and always had so much fun with him. Suddenly to me, a couple of years ago, he started to sound drunk when I talked to him on the phone. I was far away at college, so I didn't see him very often. About a month after I first noticed that he was sounding drunk when I talked to him, he showed up at the airport wasted, for my college graduation. But the next time I saw him a couple of months later and everytime after that, he was sober again. Then, about a year later I got a call from my uncle that my dad was drinking again. He showed up to my wedding a couple of months later drunk and with a black eye, I guess from some bar fight.
He hit the bottom after that, getting another DUI and losing his job. He finally went to in-patient rehab for 30 days, and was sober for almost 5 months after that. But then he just relapsed over Christmas, when we went to visit him. He got sober again a few days later and apologized about the relapse and we had a nice last two days together.
That was a couple of weeks ago. I constantly worry about him now. I keep worrying that he will relapse again, maybe permanently. He told me he hates drinking and he doesn't know why he does it. He says that he really enjoys the AA meetings that he goes to. But he struggles with depression and is currently out of a job. He is not married and neither of his children live nearby, though his brother, parents, and niece live close. A lot of his friendships have been strained due to alcohol. So I worry about him feeling lonely and depressed enough to start drinking again. And when he drinks, he is drunk all the time. So there is pretty much zero opportunity to talk to him sober.
I don't know what to do. I can't worry like this anymore. It takes up so much of my energy. I think about it so often. It is so hard though, I feel like everytime he starts drinking again, I have to mourn the loss of the person I care for so much. Because he is a completely different person when he is drinking. He really is a great person, and it is so hard to see him consumed by alcohol and another personality. How can I help myself? Can I do anything to help him? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

mallowcup

Pray and become educated. Alanon meetings will help you. Turn it over. Pray for him and for you and put it in Gods hands. By attending alanon and reading some good books, you will be able to look at this in a rational way. God knows no degree of difficulty.

Jaxmelody

My father was an alcoholic too. I was adopted when I was eight so it was easier for me to distance myself from my birth father than it is for you. I reunited with him when I was 14 and I remeber feeling the same concern and worry. It was hard for me to understand why he did what he did. In his early 40's he moved to B.C Canada to get away from all the influences he felt were causing him to drink. He met a lovley women and got married and became sober. He was sober for 5 years and was actually hosting AA meetings in his home town. Unfortunatly he passed away due to complication from surgey but he had done it. He had beaten it I guess. So I guess what my feelings are is it is possible for this to turn around for your dad. Mine was a very dangerouse alcoholic one of the worst and I do not know why or how but he changed he made the right choices and for 5 years he was proud of who he was. Maybe in time when you father is ready he will get there to. As for you, I know how you feel and I am sure eveyone tells you there is nothing you can do. That is so hard to except but I am realizing it is true. I now have a husband who is an alcoholic trying to recover but still dealing with it. I am having to focus on what I can control because otherwise the alternative makes me crazy with emotion and uncertainty. Take care of yourself. I am new to this site and i have found it so comforting to talk to people here. I hope they can help you through some of this.

elizabeth1979

Hi iamme2 and welcome!
Glad you found us!

Well, there is certainly ways to help yourself. Coming here is an awesome way to get support and knowledge for yourself. Having a family member who is an alcoholic is never easy, but you are on your way by looking to focus on yourself and what you can control.

Al-anon and therapy has been of great help to me as well!
Look forward to getting to know you !

DesertEyes

Hello there iamme2, and welcome to SoberRecovery.

There's all kinds of great information in the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. Take a little time to read thru them.

What helped me the most with my own alcoholic parents was meetings of al-anon and ACoA. Here in Vegas the two programs are merged into one. They have wonderful books and pamphlets that are extremely helpful.

Here's my fav meetings of al-anon in Las Vegas.

Wednesday 7:00pm (NS)
Growing One Step At A Time, Annex Building 1001-A, Arizona St. Boulder City NV
(behind Boulder City Credit Union) contact: Tricia 702-294-1329

Wednesday 7:00pm (NS)
Fear Busters, St. Thomas Moore Catholic Church, 130 No. Pecos Rd. Henderson NV
(Pecos & Wigwam) contact: Kelly 702 361-2153

Thursday 7:00pm (NS)
The Common Connection, Community Church of Henderson, 360 E. Horizon at Greenway
Henderson, NV contact: Connie 702-565-6995

and for the full list go here

http://www.nevadaal-anon.org/sonvmeetinglist.html

All the folks at those three meets are awesome. Very kind, compassionate and knowledgable.

Mike

parentrecovers

welcome iamme2, and warm greetings -

your post subject line says a lot to me, just admitting that you need help is huge. congrats for that.

i go to an alanon meeting one night of the week and over half the folks there (it's a big group, so i'd estimate about 20 a week) are adult or young adult children of alcoholics. they are my favorite group of all the alanon meetings i go to. they are compassionate and caring and working hard to help/understand themselves and their alcoholic parent/parents.

if you can get to an alanon meeting, i think it might really good for you?

blessings, k