enabler

I moved out with my 13 yo daughter. One of my complaints with my husband was that he went to the deer lease too much and didn't spend enough family time. I know now the deer lease affords him the luxury of drinking without anyone to count the beer cans. Anyway, I had already made up my mind if he left one more holiday I was gone. Just waited. Thanksgiving he left and I went that weekend and withdrew money from our business account. I leased a condo for me and my daughter and paid for it 6 mos. in advance. I then went to Sam's Wholesale and stocked it with groceries all charged to the business account. I moved Thanksgiving weekend and Monday when he came home I told him what I had done. Our 23 yr old daughter stayed with him because she didn't want to move her stuff. She's almost through with college and will be getting her own place soon. She's mature enough to handle it, and he gets home so late during the week it doesn't bother her. She did call me the other night and said, Mom, if ever you questioned what you did was right...DON'T. She said, most of the time I was in my room on the phone with friends or my fiance and missed most of Dad's grumblings. She said, tonight he grilled steaks and of course that meant drinking. She said since I left he now drinks in the open again. But..she said her finace was coming over and her Dad just assumed he would eat with them. He ate on the way over so he wasn't hungry. The fiance had to get up early for work the next day so he went on to bed a little early. Anyway my daughter said of course AH grilled and drank. He brought the food in and said...where's B? My daughter said, I think he's gone to bed. Then all the grumbling and bitching started. She said she finally went in and told B. just come eat a little bit so he will shut up. Can you believe B. got up out of bed and came and ate something. I told my daughter...do you not realize what both of you were doing? Enabling. I told her next time to tell him. Hush Dad, he's not eating..he's gone to bed and isn't hungry. Next time check with us before you cook all that food.

Anyway..we have a nice little condo and it is so peaceful. We have totally enjoyed it, and my younger daughter and I are becoming so close since I don't have to concentrate on his behaviour.

dollydo

Great planning...you are an inspiration.

Dolly

sketscher

Wow Amazing! And imagine how nice your Christmas will be.

reader

Wonderful!!!! It sounds like this arrangement may really work. You and the younger D must love the peace and quite. I hope u both have a great holiday. I hope u are proud of ur self, u should be!!!! That 1 last time was the straw that broke the camels back. Take care and enjoy~~~ Kerry

sunwish

Congrats! Enjoy your peace! You deserve it. Have a nice holiday.

embraced2000

enjoy your new home!!!

word of advice...take what you like....be prepared for times when you second guess your choice of leaving....if you are prepared that you WILL have these moments....then your preparation will allow you to handle the emotions that come along with it.

i'm so proud for you....you have made a brave decision....good for you!!!!!

jeri

mazey

Good for you, and it is easier if you have a plan together to follow. Enjoy the peace....

lilac

Good for you ! I only recently moved out (October), but I find my apartment to be my own little safe haven.......There are ups and downs, but when I first came to this site someone posted that the hardest part would be to actually leave. It was. It will get better from here. (HUGS))

LizzyP

Congrats to you, E! I just left a few weeks ago, and have such peace. May you receive such peace in your new place! I second what Embraced2000 said, that there may be times you question yourself as to whether you made the right decision. For me, I wrote down the reasons I left as a reminder, kept going to my Al-Anon meetings, and calling someone when I questioned myself.

Love and Peace to you!