losinghim

I don't even know where to start. I have been with my AH husband for 11 years, married since last April. Has always drank, but has really gotten worse. He switched jobs/careers in April around when we got married. Most days when I come home he is passed out from drinking. Wakes up and drinks more. Weekends, forget it, he's drunk before I even wake up in the morning.

A few days before Thanksgiving I finally had it and packed some stuff and stayed at my sister's for a few nights. Came home because he was sober and sorry. This has been the game since. I have now been home almost a week. He says he wants to quit and doesn't want to lose me. Right at this moment he's downstairs drinking a beer. But he hasn't been passed out when I come home in almost 2 weeks, so I don't feel justified running to my sister's again over one beer.

He won't go to AA. We went one night and he yelled at me over and over that I made him go and it was my fault he was there. I have since decided that I will never mention it again. I have been to al-anon once and need to go again. My anger and emotions are raging!!!!!

This week he has been sober and has been so moody that we have been in separate rooms when we are home together and he is sleeping in a armchair in the room (don't ask about the couch). I'm soo torn because he needs to stop drinking, I hate the way that he acts and treats me when he drinks. And after reading everyone's posts, he acts JUST like your As. I love him and we are soooo happy together when he's sober, but his 'sober' lately is unbearable also. I am contemplating leaving and going to my parents house and taking the animals. This would be a permanent move because he would be mortified. I am the only one who knows about his drinking and am hiding his secret. He has threatened me that it is really over if I tell his parents. We have lived together for over 6 years in a house in his father's name. We pay him monthly, but nothing is in my name. So if I leave, I get absolutely nothing!! I don't even want to leave, but am 28 and don't want to spend my life afraid of alcohol. He thinks he can stop on his own, but can't see that he can't.

I don't even know what kind of advice I'm asking for. I read everyone's posts on here and completely relate, but still feel all alone and helpless.

TexasGirl

Hi Losing,
I mostly just wanted to say hi. I'm the same age as you, and I understand the things you are feeling, so I just wanted to relate that you are not alone. Welcome.

FormerDoormat

Evening, LH:

If your new husband is drinking every day--and it looks like nearly every day to the point of passing out based on your description--and he's "wonderful" when he's sober, it sounds to me like he's rarely wonderful. That's the reality of the situation.

Oh, and the couch, I take it he's peed on it from your "don't ask" comment. That's nothing new to most of us folks here, and it gets worse with time as their addiction worsens.

I stayed with my AB for 24 years. Never married him because I was waiting for him to get his act together. He did, but only briefly. He finally was able to get sober a year ago this October. That lasted for 8 months. So I waited for 24 years for him to get sober only to see him relapse and become even more hopelessly dependent on alcohol.

I met him when I was 22 years old. I'm 46 now and never been married. I wish I would have found this forum years ago, when I was still young like you are and had my whole life ahead of me.

I'm glad to see that you're giving Alanon a try and that you've joined this forum. They will be a great help to you.

sketscher

I'm really sorry to read that you are in such pain and living the way you are right now but you are most certainly not alone. No one can make the decision to leave him but you, but I can tell you that by readling and getting support here you'll find the strength to make your own choices.

Have you read the stickies at the top? You can also search keywords using the menu.

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I'm a little older than you (35) but I was not married to my A. I do however still love him, I know how much it hurts, I think all of us on this board know that.

You'll get stronger, coming here is a great way to start.

denny57

Good post, FD, but for crying out loud - you are YOUNG! (((())))s

FormerDoormat

Lately I've been feeling PDO (pretty dang old)!

DesertEyes

FD, you're not that much older than my daughter, so don't you go feeling old cuz that'll make me _ancient_

Mike

embraced2000

evening losinghim
welcome aboard and keep reading and posting. we all understand like no others can.

love to you
jeri

p.s......fdm....old????? what's old cept the moldy bread in the cabinet????? yer not old.....your in your prime!!!!!

FormerDoormat

Let's see, that would mean you're somewhere in your mid sixties. Whew, that is old. Just KIDDING!

losinghim

The couch was actually an accident from the cat, he is emotionally upset by the yelling and verbal abuse too. AH usually pees into the corner in the hallway upstairs (it faces the same way as the toilet) He actually fell down the whole flight of stairs thinking it was the toilet one night. Still has no recollection of it, just the bruises and pain. When I told him what happened, he actually accused ME of pushing him. I may have wanted to, but didn't.

He really has been trying lately because he knows I am finally being strong and standing up for myself. He knows I might leave. He spends most of the week sober, but has a hard time around Thurs. for some reason and on the weekends. He is blaming me. A little while ago he said that if I stop being so angry he will stop drinking. He is only bringing my anger up because I told him I'm going to al-anon for my anger and feelings. Now it's my anger's fault.

Thanks for all the support and I will continue to log on every day like lately!

FormerDoormat

I think that's a fine plan. Looking forward to getting to know you.