SarahOfTheShot

So it's Friday, the day I've been dreading all week. I feel queasy and anxious and a pretty moody. But otherwise, I'm doing ok. My plan for the night consists of drinking my pumpkin spice coffee I bought from Startbuck, chatting online with the SR crew, watching some movies, reading and going to be very early.

I have to admit, today, I had thoughts like "Well, maybe I can just have one or two tonight and be ok?" or "If I am good for a few weeks, maybe I can get a little drunk on New Years to celebrate?" as reward for 'good behavior.' That all sounds pretty appealing, does it not? La dee dah, I'll just tip one back that will lead to another and then a bottle of rum later, I'll be puking my guts out wishing I'd never even touched it. Besides, certainly getting loaded cannot be my reward for staying sober, what a dumb ass thought if I ever heard one.

So, I slipped for a moment in thought, but only in thought and I was proud that I caught myself immediately knowing that wouldn't work.

Sooooooooooo, I'm juiced up on coffee (I know probably shouldn't, but I need a treat tonight) and ready to smoke some cigarettes. Another thing I shouldn't do and probably won't (but it sounds soooooooooooo goood!)

Sigh. Anywhoozle, thanks for listening.

I am feeling pretty positive, but it comes and goes. Everyone cross your fingers for me tonight!

peace out g's

mikiglen

fingers crossed and great job today
just remember, always think it through

laurience

That is really fantastic. I think we all have had those kinds of thoughts. I still do all the time. The important thing is that we don't follow through. The alcoholism is always sitting on the sideline waiting, taping it's fingers. We just have to tell it where to go.. Your doing awesome.. Congrats..
Joanne

Mongo

Allright!

Sounds like you're poised to get this weekend under your belt. They're not so tough.

Good luck and keep well

Ron

gypsytears

That sounds like a good plan. I'm sure you'll be fine but I'll cross my fingers for you anyway .

hope3

You can do it, you can, you can, you can! Sounds like a tasty coffee, pumpkin spice. I'm rooting for you. The Best Hope3.

chicago

i totally relate to this thread. i once in a while find myself thinking 'once i get to my year i can reward myself'...my thinking as ive learned is extremely screwed up. fortunately this first thought is just an impulse and doesnt last more than a couple seconds. i have the program to keep me in line. i know for a fact in my heart of hearts that if i pick up one time...whether its drinking, smoking pot, or anything else....i will be right where i was when i came in within days. infact, the shame, guilt, and remorse would undoubtably be way worse. thanks to the program i actually have stuff to lose now (job, friends, some level of spirituality, matieral possesions, etc) as opposed to when i was out there and had nothing to lose anyways....

SarahOfTheShot

Made it several hours into the evening and am doing ok, drinking a ton of water, playing with my animals and took a long hot hot bath and now feel ready for bed. Imagine, waking up in the morning w/o feeling like total @$$? Now there's a thought, WOW!

Thanks all, really....this forum has been so inspirational and thought provoking for me, it's a fantastic resource.

mikiglen

so, did you go to bed

miss communicat

Sarah,

you're doing really great! Have another good sober, hangover-free day today!!

REZ

First, do you go to AA/NA? That helps me A LOT. Second, I can relate to the need to reward yourself. That idea never goes away. There are lots of ways I can reward myself other than alcohol and drugs or anything else that's destructive to me or others. Keep up the good work!

Jersey Nonny

Sarah, I decided this post of mine from one of your other threads can do double duty.

Quote:

Once I got out of the detox and mini-rehab, the weekends were hardest for me, too. Not so much because I craved drinking, but that I missed the "night life"...after all, my socialization was primarily in the bars/clubs.

So, every Friday and Saturday night, I would get all dressed up...just as I used to when I went barhopping. Instead, I went to AA meetings...sometimes two in a night, because my area also has midnight meetings. Sunday nights weren't too much of a problem, because I would make an early meeting and then get ready for work the next day. I don't remember exactly how long I did this...but, I do know it worked for me. You might try it.