karrotop

good morning all....haven't posted in awhile because there's not much to say...day #11 for me.....still battling the depression.....thought getting my holiday shopping done early and decorating my place would help.....but it really hasn't....I think about drinking all the time....and i miss it,honestly.....i am taking anti depressants now,just started with them,so no effect yet...the only good thing is that,physically i feel better.....my therapist says i don't feel i am worth it......and she's right.....drinking didn't make me happy.....not drinking isn't making me happy either...and at this point....i don't know what,if anything,will make me happy......thanks for listening.....

CarolD

It's good to see you are still sober!

Time to try AA?
Works great for me..Blessings

Kellye C

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. I know for me when I quit I had to replace it with something. Like Carol, I went to AA and have been there ever since. I've learned the tools to be able to get through good and bad up and down times without drinking PLUS I have tons of friends now that I never would have had before. Friends who like me know the hell of addiction. We can support each other when need be and often others have a different perspective of whatever I'm going through which when I consider it makes me feel better.

As for the AD's it does take a while to get them built up in your system. In the meantime try to keep busy, keep your mind occupied, make a gratitude list of all the things that are GOOD in your life and perhaps consider a meeting or two.

Congrats on the 11 days. The early days are the hardest but I know you can do it.

Hugs,
Kellye

hope3

Hi karrotop, Glad you're still here and battling. I think if we do anything long enough, it becomes habit. We drunks spent a lot of time unhappy, and therefore maybe became a habit.

Every morning I get up and shout-- iFEEL HEALTHY---I fEEL HAPPY--i FEEL TERIFIC! Say it long enough and it will become habit and true.

Oh well what do I know, just a thought.

There are no problems in life, only solutions.

juliee

karrottop,
Congrats on 11 days! WOW...pat yourself on the back that's quite an accomplishment. I know for me I have bad, down days while drinking for no real reason but the alcohol takes the edge off. Since I am not sober (1 day) I can't really say but I would think all feelings physical as well as emotional will be more "sharp" for lack of a better word when we are less anesthetized. Am I right SR people with more experience?? Some days I just have to go through the motions and get through the day with the hope, "this too shall pass." Juliee

brians

Keep posting and give AA meetings a try. Helps to be around people who have been where you are. It helped me. It is worth it, karrott and Juliee

karrotop

hi hope........my therapist told me the same thing....being unhappy has become a familiar feeling for me.....so i am comfortable being miserable.....being happy is a new thing......an uncomfortable thing....and i sabotage my own happiness....i was raised by a mother who always put herself last....a real martyr....who believes you never ask for help.....you suffer with whatever......and i have alot of her in me...i just don't know how or what would make me happy....i do know that alcohol numbs me,lets me be happy,if only for a few hours.....and now i am trying to do it without the help of a bottle.....thanks for writing.....where in upstate new york do you live? my nephew lives in cooperstown....take care of yourself....carol

Rusty Zipper

karo.. glad to see another go at recovery...

good wishes friend...

xxoo, rz

hope3

Karrotop, upstate NY. I live near Plattsburgh NY,& Lake Placid NY. I am an hour from Montreal Canada and an hour from Vermont. I live in the adirondack park, also home to the high peak moutains.

I see you are in South hampton NY, I think we are around 6 hours from each other. Anywho, I've been reading your post and as far as sabotaging everything, I can second that. I feel ashamed of myself sometimes when I read the struggles of some of our fellow SR's just to be able to buy heating fuel, or someone being treated badly and I look at myself, and everything is going well, EXCEPT I WAS DROWNING ALL THE GOOD THINGS WITH ALCOHOL. No more!

We can do it Karrotop, we can, we can, we can!

I'm glad, not like your mother, you asked for help when you came here.

P.S this is my10th day of the beautiful journey.

There are no problems in life, only solutions.

chicago

congrats on the 11 days. from what im gathering you havent attended AA meetings yet. that to me is amazing. if i didnt enter AA i never would have stopped using. or i would have been completely miserable, lonely, and basically the same person minus the alcohol and drugs....same behaviiors though and glaring defects. i would absolutely give it a try if you havent yet. what have you got to lose? i would be totally screwed if it werent for the program.