steve11694

I just wonder what % of the alcoholics you know have become arrogant, grandiose, defiant, obnoxious; as oppose to the so called "happy alcoholics"

embraced2000

hi steve

early in his alcoholism, xah was the happy drunk.

as the disease progressed, so did his behaviors. they deteriorated to exactly as you described, only add abusiveness.

once these behaviors began presenting themselves, they progressed very rapidly......and frightenly.

blessings
jeri

Pony

When I first read this I had to think about it. Then I read jeri's reply and thought yeah, the behaviors progressed....but my experience was little different.

He was already an A when I met him....had been well into addictive behaviors since his teens and I met him in his mid 30's. I would have to say that in the beginning of our relationship he was a happy drunk, but as the years wore on he became most of all that you decribed....adding in the verbal abuse, hasn't been physically abusive at all.

YYCGal

My ABF just got meaner and meaner, more threats, more taunts, a real 'pit bull.' He's now going through the negotiating phase - he's been sober for 4 weeks, but now threatens to start drinking the minute things don't go his way. At least that's a threat - but I know he's not serious about his sobriety now. Too bad....

AllTooSober

My A is typically a "happy drunk," but he still gets arrogant, grandiose, defiant, AND obnoxious... but maybe only to me. He wouldn't see it that way. At least he doesn't get all mean to me any more, although I sense a "yet" in that statement somewhere.

miss communicat

For me, today, I try not to dwell on the negative aspects of another person because taking stock of another person's bad behaviour and/or monitoring (even just a little) an alcoholic's progression holds me in the codependent mode.

I also find that I am much happier when I turn my thoughts towards those aspects of life, the qualities in my loved ones, and of life in general, that are uplifting and nourishing.

So, when I think back on how "my" A behaved, I can thankfully say that, today, I don't think of that at all because I have made many changes in my own life.

I wish nothing but the best for everyone here, too.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

IrshIzNotSmilin

Arrogant, Grandiose, Defiant, Obnoxious. I think guys we have the makings of a good song. Steve. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Let's see. Arrogant that is normal for AH. He has a level of arrogance or maybe it is personal pride. I think it is let me mask how I really feel about myself with this behavior. I do see it a little more when drinking. Then again, he is feelin good right? He is relatively a happy drinker not mean. He is loud so I think grandiose fits. He feels more important and like the big man on campus when he is drinking. Again though part of his personality. He is a person who cares about appearances and does all the right things so it all looks good. Maybe he does that more for his own sanity than anyone else's or he is so tied into making it all look so good an be so good so he doesn't have to really smell the smell of reality?? Defiant only if I ask for the keys. wink wink. Lately, I get the keys and we are beginning to leave debate club. Please give me the keys? Why he asks?? Why hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm don't know I just really like to drive at nite..not. So lately he does hand them over. Defiance is minimal lately. Obnoxious, we had a bad deal with this a year ago in a public forum and he and his AH brother are out loud bashing the gay men in the restaurant. It is a nice quiet place and many homosexual men go there together at times. He and his brother were obnoxious. That was my first biggest mistake that nite was sitting there like a fool. I took him with me to a counselor on that one though and it never happened again. Plus, it was in public and he is a public person AH is and his brother in community dumb. they were so disgusting. I put that aside through the counselor. Plus as I said it did not happen again. I said the next time it did happen I would leave.We'll see.

gelfling

Mine went from being a happy drunk, to a mean drunk. Did rehab and was a dry-drunk for years. Up until about 3 years ago, he started getting his attitude adjusted...I believe primarily because I made the decision I wasn't going to continue living with a miserable person.

Now, with the stroke, seizures and headaches, he's a pretty miserable soul. Some I can understand, but detaching has again become an important part of my life. Particularly considering we won't know what's happening medically until the 4th.

scared and sad

Mine is mean when he's not drinking.

prodigal

Attributing all or just some of the characteristics you mentioned to the A's in my life: 100%.

Grasshopper

Keeping the focus on another,never helped me in my own recovery.The inventory is mine to take of myself.Only,my own inventory, will be helpful to me..give me insights for change....Arrogant.Grandiose.Defiant.Obnoxious..al l,have been ,my own triats,in trying to make another stop drinkiing..I needed help!!!

mushroom

My ex AH is never any of those. Not happy, nor arrogant grandiose defiant or obnoxious. He is a suicidally depressed drunk. Then again I was only in his life a few years. Who knows about the times I wasn't there.

justagirl

He is a meaner person now. The disease is changing him. He is becoming someone I don't know anymore. I am becoming someone I don't know anymore.

nocellphone

Wow... so well-put...

I know that, as a result of living in close proximity to someone else's disease--call it alcoholism, addiction, general insanity-- I developed my own disease symptoms and lost myself along the way.

I've been told that the simplest definition of recovery is "getting back what was lost or stolen". This disease is a thief. It stole my self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence and identity. As a result of embracing my own recovery, I have myself back today... and I'm better/healthier/saner than ever!

FriendofBill

ya, and alot more chest hair.


Nicely said, pal.

steve11694

It too deflowered me of confidence and the other stuff you say. It stole the best person I ever knew and left me as a child naked and cold in the freezing rain. It was our 5 y/o daughter that gave me much of the strength to pull myself back into the world, back into life. I realized that if I too sink with the sinking ship what will become of her, who will take care of her and show her the world.

BohemiMamaof3

Similar expirence as you all - relatively short time as a happy drunk, progressing to the dark side, the bad traits rather quickly.

bahookie

I've never seen my partner drink, they have been in recovery for a loooooooooong time.
Over the past 3 years, they exhibited all of the things you are talking about, and it nearly broke us up (and cost me my sanity).

What I've learned is that during those times, my partner was miserable, guilty and despondent.

Things are better now.

Doesn't make it easier to live with, but at least it's something else to think about.

J

StandingStrong

Yes, my AH does fit into the arrogant, grandiose, defiant, obnoxious category.

However - I have found that when I took that long hard step of getting honest with myself about myself, the key for my recovery was realizing what I had become, was becoming, and taking the steps to avoid mimicking what I had lived with for so long.
As it's been said in other places - I found that I was becoming much like the A. I could be very arrogant, defiant, and have a "better than thou" attitude - especially when it came to dealing with the A in my life.

It took realizing that I had to change me that has made all the difference. And allowing AH to be who he chooses to be. I may not like it, but we all make our own choices.

mallowcup

miss communicat, I love your repsonse!