marriedithink

This was a first. He's been doing alot of quacking. As I said in an earlier thread, the panic has set in. He had been at the house on Friday afternoon trying again.
So Friday night I got the call " I just wanted to tell you that I love you, please tell Maggie I love her." Hangs up. So I sat there for a minute, couldn't believe what I had just heard. I figured if he's serious his phone will be turned off now. If it's still on he's just trying to manipulate me. So I called back...stupid I know. Phone was on so I said, I don't appreciate that. It isn't going to work. He called back 4 times, I let it go to voicemail. Sobbing, I'll never have a better life than I had with you, you're the best. I can't do this. I had it all and I blew it. I didn't call back. He was coming the next day to take my daughter bowling.
He showed up on Saturday, acting absolutely indignant. I did not mention the night before and neither did he. It didn't work and he is pissed. So now he's moving to Florida. He hasn't told me, he told my daughter. He'll be hiding because he cannot legally leave the state. If he does I think it will be better for all concerned.

best

Just could be.

I found that when I removed myself from the area of problems(as I was seeing them) I came to realize that the problems didn't go away. They followed me?
I came to realize...I was my problem...not others.

Hopes that he finds the same understanding and take that one closer step towards a better recovery.

Cynay

Even though you did wonderful, I so remember the emotions that go into those calls.

My daughters, father did the same thing, he would call and leave whole songs on my VM declairing his depression. Then the first call came in ... That is it he is done. I called his little brother and suggested he check on him... This happened one or two more times and when I did not respond he stopped... but that first time was scarry.

marriedithink

It was scary, thanks for saying I did wonderful. I wasn't sure how to handle it.
It does bring alot of emotions to the front, but the fact that I was able to handle it the way I did tells me alot about the way I feel. That I have made the right decision.

embraced2000

hi married
i too, have received so many suicide calls from xah......that particular manipulation is amongst the cruelest of their tricks.

how well i remember the despair i felt upon hearing those words. the 911 calls, the frantic rushes to his side by first myself, later in the game, others.

i knew in all probability it was a ploy, but what if it weren't. should every suicide call be considered legit, and help sent????? i still don't know the answers, but i did quit reacting to the calls, and prayed for him....if it were to be, i couldn't do anything about it.

he never followed through with it....but the suicide threats turned into death threats described in glowing 3-d technicolor effects, against me.

the death threats were graphic and sounded very well rehearshed. it scared me worse than thinking he would kill himself.

in other words, he kicked it up a notch. when one thing didn't work, he tried something else. when that didn't work, something else.....each something a little worse than the one before.

who was to know where he would actually stop?

you did great married......i know how hard it is and understand the panic that is created with this kind of talk.

if he "kicks it up a notch" don't fool around with it at all. who knows what they might be capable of in a black-out????

blessings
jeri

deax

Whew... I've never had that experience. One time he told me he had wanted to kill himself the day after a night where he really, really disappointed me, but he told me that after the fact and then said he was too "pathetic" to go through with it. And then I ripped him a new a-hole for even saying something so friggin stupid. But he never said anything like that beforehand, or in the moment... That's awful, I hope never to be in that position. I think you did good, too, and I too would have called back, even if just to say "that didn't work." Right or wrong, I really wouldn't care. You did good, and sorry you had to be in such a position. I can imagine how hard it must be.

YYCGal

Jeri - the death threats,the attempted suicide, the abuse of our puppy and treat to kill him. All that came from my ABF.

They do know how to manipulate and con you. My ABF is back in the house and the puppy is thriving, but he's only been sober for 3 weeks now. Any lapse and he's gone. That's my boundary - those are the rules. No ifs ands or buts - he's gone.

kermit

I wish mine would have, sorry but it is true. Then my kids would just have to say "Daddy is in Heaven" not in Colorado.

DesertEyes

You know kermee, they say anger is one of the stages of healing, that once you get it all out of you then you are well on your way to getting over him. So have a and let it all out

Mike

mazey

How scary! And, I am so impressed with how you handled that call. I think I would have been panicked and not know at all how to handle it!

mallowcup

This is when they reveal just how low they are willing to go to get what THEY want. They try to manipulate some karmic turn as if the universe is pulling you back together. Horsefeathers! The suicide call came when you were worn of at the end of the day. The next day he tells your daughter he's moving away. That wasn't an accident. He was hoping she'd run back and tell you and you'd have some lighbulb moment. In reality what kind of father springs that on a kid? He wanted your daughter to come home upset begging you to stop him. He will almost certianly call this week with a terminal illness. When none of this works, he'll get mean and trythte scare tactics about how you will starve to death without him. Carry on.

marriedithink

The alcoholic, selfish, inhuman kind!
He's already said " let's see how you get along without me. I think he may have me confused with someone else. He knows I'll get along just fine.

I realize this is probably just the beginning, he will never leave me alone totally, he will never give me peace. I take comfort in the fact that eventually ( I believe) he will be back in prison, and I can block those calls.

No matter how angry he makes me though and how see-through all his tactics are........That call was upsetting, and I never, ever want another one.