Sophia57

Hi everyone
I havent posted in ages as things have been pretty good between me and RA hubby (14 yrs sober) but things just went rapidly downhill in the last few weeks.

We're married 3 years and he has a 13 year old daughter by a previous relationship. The mum is now demanding extra money - wants my salary (nearly double his) taken into account. I've no problem with increasing maintenance - kids are expensive - but she wants things like her annual foreign holiday with the child paid for by us. She wants to go to court, fine by me.

He's a typical A in that he's easily stressed by this sort of pressure (she only rings him to tell him the child is sick after she's recovered! this last night) and he hates his job but procrastinates all the time and is afraid to just leave and look for something else.

He had a sort of meltdown this morning - ranting about the state of the house and what were those tablets i was taking (for cystitis) and that he's cracking up and that he has to stay on top of everything etc. he said some hurtful things. I've never been anything but supportive of him, maybe too much so, but I can't go on like this.

ironically we're going to an AA convention this weekend, which should be fun as we're hardly speaking. I hope Al Anon is available at it cos I need to go back, havent been for a while, just kept reading the lit.

Anyway, I'm really just letting off steam here. Thanks for listening.

cwohio

sounds like the convention is happening at the right time. hope they do have some al-anon for you. face-to-face can't be beat! take care of yourself!

denny57

i agree with cw - the convention is a "shot."

stress is hard on everyone. i'm going through my own court stuff and believe me, i know!

take care and try not to let the thoughts go to the dark side

((()))

emily33

If I not wrong, they cant touch your money. I have a couple of friends that have gone through something similiar. The courts in MI agree that the spouse's money is seperate, things maybe different in other states.

Sophia57

Thanks for all the good wishes, everyone.
I'm in Ireland and it seems here the father's whole financial situation (which has improved since he married me as I brought a house and car to the relationship) is taken into account in court. Basically he's better off now than he was, so she wants her cut.

For example, my sister's husband died suddenly 10 years ago, and it came out in his will that he had just had a son by a 16 year old. terrible shock for my sister, but the point being that when maintenance was being determined for the child, my sister's salary was taken into account. She's still angry and still paying for the child. The laws of the land are not always fair.

Anyway, my husband is pretending nothing happened this morning and I find that even more hurtful. I've only spoken to him on the phone but he's all chirpy and normal, whereas I feel angry and as tho I've been used as a punching bag to release his anger at his life. I'm finding it hard to chat normally and definitely will run to a meeting if there's any on.
I need detachment in a big way.

Anyone got any tips for dealing with such severe mood swings? I will talk to him about today but not right now, I'm not ready and my resentment is too huge.

Thanks again
Sophia x

denny57

Meetings work for me, and doing things that remove me from the anger inducing source. Movies, taking a walk, meeting a friend for coffee, or going for one myself. Action, not reaction, works for me.

Hang in there!

bahookie

Hey you

Thinking of you

Jane
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx