TexasGirl

Yes, twenty-one times. 21. That is the number of times he called me yesterday. I know I'm probably getting over-involved by counting, but after the phone just kept ringing and ringing incessantly, I started to wonder just how far it had gotten. That is crazy. I imagine my voicemail is full (because he'd called off the wall the past few days too), but I don't want to take the time to actually listen to all of that. I think I have "real" messages mixed up in there, but I don't even care to sort through his for those. These calls are, of course, on top of the e-mails and showing up at my work or apartment.

21.

This sucks.

Cynay

Dang girl.... that is enough to drive anyone nuts....

SO do you want to do anything about it yet?

denny57

Sorry to hear that, TG. Any thoughts on what to do? Hang in there.

elizabeth1979

Yikes! 21 times.

I wouldnt say that. 21 is a damn lot.

Sometimes in life I have found that I dont HAVE to anything just because someone else is upset. That was a tough transition for me to make from reacting everytime someone else was upset or anxious.

Glad you have your own place to be a retreat from the chaos! What are you feeling about this? (Of course if I may ask)

TexasGirl

'Nuff said.

Ayers1995

Wow TG. What has made him start bugging you so much? That would definately drive me nuts. I'm sorry, I know that it makes us anxious even when we try not to think about it. I'll be thinking of you my friend.... Ayers

prodigal

Have your phone number changed to an unlisted and unpublished number. Tell only those you want to have calling you the new number. As far as him showing up at your office ... this is considered stalking. A protective order would take care of that very quickly. E-mail can also be blocked from specific addresses. Once he figures out you are blocking him, he'll probably get a different e-mail account to get around it. There are ways to get them to leave you alone. My exAH called me at my office and his "hello" met with a click (as in I immediately hung up). Harrassing phone messages and phone calls are also a form of stalking.

If you want to get a protective order, let an attorney listen to the voicemail messages. I assume the messages are a bit off-the-wall. Ignoring them sometimes does not make them go away, it makes them become more insistent. My exAH became one helluva lot less insistent when the county sheriff's office showed up in his driveway at 8 a.m. on Friday morning to toss him out of our house so I could move my things out.

Zoey

I would agree with the changeing the phone #, make unlisted, unpublished.
Also would change E-Ml, believe those going to old ml address would be returned, you would need to ask someone.
Are you useing only land line phone or only cell, or both??

Be easier to check on charging him with harasment perhaps.

Just suggestions ya know. I know you will wait, but be ready if you deceide it is needed.

I am guessing he is under the influence. Some never catch on that it is the drinking.

LV and HUGS

FriendofBill

ah 21 for me is peanuts.

When my compulsive Dialing Disorder hits (CDD), the sky is the limit.

One call is too many, a thousand is NEVER enough.

StandingStrong

If you do not want him to call you so much, you can either just flat out tell him to stop it and see if he does. Or you can change your number. You can make these calls stop if you want them too.

Have you told him this? If you are tired of this, again, either tell him and hope he listens, change the number, block him, or just delete the messages. Though I'd be for getting them stopped as it's totally a waste of your time and stress to even have to deal with this.

And again, are you okay with this? If not, tell him flat out not to come to your work or your apartment. He could very well be jeapordizing your job!



Again TG, if this sucks for you, you CAN stop it!
But remember - mean what you say and say what you mean.
Actions, not words are really important - on your side as well as his.

Good luck TG.

TexasGirl

I forgot for a while that I could do something about it instead of complaining about something someone else is doing. As soon as I ready Cynay's words, I remembered.

If I get honest with myself, I would have to say I must not be completely on board yet with cutting all ties. While I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to have to say those words, "don't ever call me again," either. I'm just not ready to utter that yet. It's not because I want to go back. I think I'm probably wanting to keep him just close enough that if I wanted to change my mind, I still could, even though I'm 99% sure I won't. What do you make of that?? How terrible is that?

Yes, I believe this too. That's why I think I'm afraid to say those words.... Maybe I'm still just working through it all??? I know 'no contact' doesn't equal divorce, but it kind of feels that way to me, and I'm not ready to say that I want to be divorced yet.

Minx1969

you could say "no contact for x months"...

doesn't mean divorce.

just means to stop bothering you so you can think about it..

denny57

i agree with minx, it doesn't have to be that black and white

tg, when i went no contact with AH i wouldn't even let my therapist SAY the word divorce. it's a process, giving you time to see things clearly

only you can decide, and you've been doing great. you'll work it out

lostnotfound

AH has been calling me and hanging upevery couple days...hello???? Are we in Jr High here? The other night he called my cell, and I didn't answer. He left a voice mail holding his phone up to a speaker playing some Celine Dion song.. Good Grief! At least it wasn't 21 times.

mazey

You are not ready to stop hearing from him.....confused a little? that's okay, it takes awhile to sort it out. You could just be having a little "slip". Start sorting it out again.....you'll be fine and back up where you were. What do you want? What could he do? Will he? Can he? Where do you want to be?
May have to go back to step one and review what took you to where you are? May have to review why the no contact helps? Don't detour-don't charge ahead or go in reverse, just stop and read the map again......((Texas Girl))