liiise

just because you've been sober for over a year, do most recovering alcoholics whom haven't done all the aa steps, are most of them still moody, defensive, selfish, high strung, difficult ect.. same bad qualities as when they were drinking ? and should they be allowed to take excessive amounts of sleeping pills (3) because they say they have insomnia????????

Janitw

Is he going to AA? If he's not he's known as a dry drunk. Which is someone who is not drinking but not working a program either. And yes sometimes I have heard that the moodiness persists for long periods of time because they have become part of his personality. And no he probably shouldn't be taking all the sleeping pills.

Janit

bluedove

once an alcoholic...always an alcoholic...have they been completly sober for a year..it hard to drag yourself out of that moody state. But maybe they need professional help. Getting the person to liston may be the hard part..i dont know good luck..hopefully someone else on hear can be more helpful.

denny57

There are plenty of recovering/recovered alcoholics who don't work a "program." What matters is working on yourself in some way, either with the steps or an alternative method. If that work isn't done, all the old behaviors and ways of dealing with things remain unchanged. It's the same with me. I don't get better just because AH is no longer in my life. I have to do the work if I want to change.

liiise

you're right but how do you suggest someone go and do the steps when all they do is tell me to quit drinking and i have i'ts only been a week but i only drank once a month but i still realized i had a problem

denny57

Are you working a program?

greeneyedgirl

My AH is a ''dry drunk''. While he hasn't had a drink in over 6 years, the issues that caused him to cope using alcohol are still very much alive. He needs to find out why he drinks/drugs/whatever. The 12 step programs really are the best solution. Unfortunately, my AH fights it and we all lose in the end.

Hugs and Good Luck to you!

liiise

i'm on this site , not sure witch program i should be in lol i no longer want to drink or will now what

FormerDoormat

My boyfriend, Richard, was rarely a mean drunk. He was polite, easy going, sensitive, and sweet most of the time. He just "checked out" from life every day, leaving me to take care of all his responsibilities.

Richard nearly drank himself to death last October and has been sober ever since. He's only attended a few AA meetings. I don't encourage him to go because he has to go for himself--not for me. Now that he's sober, Richard is still polite, easy going, sensitive, and sweet. That's just who he is.

Just because a person becomes sober doesn't necessarily mean that the negative personality traits that they displayed when drunk will reverse themselves. If your husband is moody, defensive, difficult, and high strung, he may be suffering from depression or from emotional problems. Oftentimes, depression and emotional problems were the things that fueled the drinking problem in the first place.

In most cases, AA can help, counseling can help, medications for anxiety and depression can help. But he has to want help. If he doesn't, there's nothing you can do to make him seek it.

denny57

I don't know your whole story, but it reads like you say you had a problem with drinking and have now stopped. Al-Anon or AA for you was what I was talking about. It was easier for me to see that AH needed a program (which he doesn't believe he needs and also has not stopped drinking) than to think I needed one.

Have you considered such a program for yourself?