How Could I Make an Ammend with this Girl?
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 100
How Could I Make an Ammend with this Girl?
Ok, so I kinda messed up a few days back. I say kinda because she was kinda flirting with me she tickled my stomach, she hit me with her butt... then I touched her hair and her hip bone. The first call I did to her was late at night, at about 1AM, so she thought I was like stalking her or whatever. When my intentions where not that at all. But oh well, she felt uncomfortable about it, she told some friends to tell me that she had felt uncomforable. So we've seen each other but haven't spoken about the situation.
But I'd like to make ammends, even though I don't think I was at fault, or at least I could have gotten benefit of the doubt. But there is really nothing I can do about what she thinks.
So what do you guys suggest I do? I'd really like her as my friend, rather than enemy, she's a cool girl and she gets alone with some friends so it's much better for everyone if things are cool between me and her.
I told my friends I wanted to speak to her about it, she said she didn't want to speak about it. But I'd like to anyways. Do you guys suggest I try to clear things up with her even if she told the others she didnt? I was thinking about something like a nice card or something. Let me know your thoughts please! I'd appreciate thought from females too so they could tell me what they'd like for this type of ammend or whatever.
Thx in advanced.
But I'd like to make ammends, even though I don't think I was at fault, or at least I could have gotten benefit of the doubt. But there is really nothing I can do about what she thinks.
So what do you guys suggest I do? I'd really like her as my friend, rather than enemy, she's a cool girl and she gets alone with some friends so it's much better for everyone if things are cool between me and her.
I told my friends I wanted to speak to her about it, she said she didn't want to speak about it. But I'd like to anyways. Do you guys suggest I try to clear things up with her even if she told the others she didnt? I was thinking about something like a nice card or something. Let me know your thoughts please! I'd appreciate thought from females too so they could tell me what they'd like for this type of ammend or whatever.
Thx in advanced.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Mississauga Ontario
Posts: 296
ammends to me means changing the behavior,bottom line.
anything else would be people pleasing and she would see straight through it,and destroy any further attempts to get a freindship or relationship.
do you have a sponsor?
i promis that if you tell him,he will tell you the same.
i think addicted folks are alergic to relationships.that is why that no relationships for the first year,or untill you have worked the 12 steps is so important.hell i relapsed over a girll at a year and a half.
just trust the recovery process.get a sponsor
this thing works
anything else would be people pleasing and she would see straight through it,and destroy any further attempts to get a freindship or relationship.
do you have a sponsor?
i promis that if you tell him,he will tell you the same.
i think addicted folks are alergic to relationships.that is why that no relationships for the first year,or untill you have worked the 12 steps is so important.hell i relapsed over a girll at a year and a half.
just trust the recovery process.get a sponsor
this thing works
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 491
I think a card would be a good idea, not too mushy though. Just tell her that you feel bad that this happened between the two of you and that you are not wanting anything but a friendship and that you would like to put that night behind you two and be friends again because you miss your friend. Like I said, don't get mushy and don't be too loving, just caring like a friend. Mail it to her but don't put your return address because she may not read it if she sees it is from you. Just make her see that you want nothing more than a friendship from her. Does she know that you are recovering? If not you may want to touch on that but only as much as you feel comfortable telling her. Good luck!
GP
GP
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by GeorgiaPeach
I think a card would be a good idea, not too mushy though. Just tell her that you feel bad that this happened between the two of you and that you are not wanting anything but a friendship and that you would like to put that night behind you two and be friends again because you miss your friend. Like I said, don't get mushy and don't be too loving, just caring like a friend. Mail it to her but don't put your return address because she may not read it if she sees it is from you. Just make her see that you want nothing more than a friendship from her. Does she know that you are recovering? If not you may want to touch on that but only as much as you feel comfortable telling her. Good luck!
GP
GP
Thanks again.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
I say back away and let it drop.
You are in an area that you could be projecting your own thoughts and desires into what you think she may be thinking. Two weeks is not a relationship of any kind. An amend would be as simple as... I am sorry and won't call again. (said in person when you happen to be at the same place at the same time.)
You are in an area that you could be projecting your own thoughts and desires into what you think she may be thinking. Two weeks is not a relationship of any kind. An amend would be as simple as... I am sorry and won't call again. (said in person when you happen to be at the same place at the same time.)
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 58
Or, to go into a bit more detail...if this girl already sees you as a bit obsessive and "stalkerish", the last thing that will put her at ease is a card trying to salvage a relationship you never had. Or even to say you're sorry. It's just going to make you seem even more obsessive and stalkerish. You need to back way the heck off and not call her again. Honestly? You'd be better served by concentrating on your sobriety or some hobbies right now, not trying to bag a girlfriend.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
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Originally Posted by drew_61
Or, to go into a bit more detail...if this girl already sees you as a bit obsessive and "stalkerish", the last thing that will put her at ease is a card trying to salvage a relationship you never had. Or even to say you're sorry. It's just going to make you seem even more obsessive and stalkerish. You need to back way the heck off and not call her again. Honestly? You'd be better served by concentrating on your sobriety or some hobbies right now, not trying to bag a girlfriend.
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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The Disease of addiction
How can we tell our disease is active ? speaking for myself when ever i don't get my way and people arn't doing what i want them to do or if I'm angry at someone i have to leave then I have to (Stop my behavior) (Think about what i just did was it right or wrong or was it self seeking) and then (Listen to my Higher Power and my Sponsor & or The Fellowship) for guidence and Direction to deal and cope with finding out what am i doing and what one of my defects of character are trying to run me God does for me what I can not do for myself so i always have to remember to keep it simple and do my daily inventory of myself
Peace Luv Good Luck
Peace Luv Good Luck
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
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The first call I did to her was late at night, at about 1AM, so she thought I was like stalking her
But oh well, she felt uncomfortable about it, she told some friends to tell me that she had felt uncomforable.
But I'd like to make ammends, even though I don't think I was at fault
I told my friends I wanted to speak to her about it, she said she didn't want to speak about it. But I'd like to anyways.
As a female, I would think that the harder you pressed me, the more I would back away. The time is not now for the both of you. Acceptance is not only part of a 12-step program, but an integral piece to the maturation process.
I wish you well, but I don't think it will be with this gal.
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