d-i-v-o-r-c-e
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Richton, MS
Posts: 135
d-i-v-o-r-c-e
Well I have an 8am appointment in the morning to meet with the lawyer. I feel like I have D-I-V-O-R-C-E posted on my forehead. When I talk to the lady yesterday I could not even get the word out. Why am I freaking about the thought of having to say No, I am uh, d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d.
It is the going thing, everyone is divorced, I should fit in-Right? Okay that was a joke.
I am having no second thoughts. I have the check in my purse and I have told him that I want a D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
Wish me luck and send lots of courage down here to me.
Of yeah, Is there any advice to give me since I have never done the
D-I-V-O-R-C-E thing before. I have 3 children 5,3 and 18 months. They are all I want, he can have everything else.
Life is getting better, Just one day at a time.
It is the going thing, everyone is divorced, I should fit in-Right? Okay that was a joke.
I am having no second thoughts. I have the check in my purse and I have told him that I want a D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
Wish me luck and send lots of courage down here to me.
Of yeah, Is there any advice to give me since I have never done the
D-I-V-O-R-C-E thing before. I have 3 children 5,3 and 18 months. They are all I want, he can have everything else.
Life is getting better, Just one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Yea my advise is to stop thinking like this...........
I thought that way and it not only cost me a bankruptcy but took me 8 years to get on stable ground again. The Divorce and all the communication can be between the attorneys.... so let them do their job hon.... You deserve 1/2 and childsupport. Trust me as a single mom for 15 years you will need the financial stability.... Plus its my opinion that in just giving it all away and running that Im still enabling my ex... 1/2 is what should happen.
Try using the word single.... or no lables at all, you dont have to explain anything, trust me its not so bad, just different.
They are all I want, he can have everything else.
Try using the word single.... or no lables at all, you dont have to explain anything, trust me its not so bad, just different.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Cynay is right, you need to think beyond just getting out and away from him. That also was my thinking because I just wanted it to end, wanted him out of my daily life. I learned the hard way what a mistake that was, I didn't listen to my attorney, I just wanted to do things to end it as quickly as possible. Financially I wish I had listened to all the people looking out for my best interest and that of my children.
Feeling odd saying D.I.V.O.R.C.E.D. hummm, I went through that as well. I was feeling like I had failed, I was shouldering all the responsibility for the marriage not working out. With some counseling and many long talks with dear friends, I realized that was just not true. I was a strong person who made a good decision for myself. After those new feelings set in saying the
word DIVORCED was so empowering.
Feeling odd saying D.I.V.O.R.C.E.D. hummm, I went through that as well. I was feeling like I had failed, I was shouldering all the responsibility for the marriage not working out. With some counseling and many long talks with dear friends, I realized that was just not true. I was a strong person who made a good decision for myself. After those new feelings set in saying the
word DIVORCED was so empowering.
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Anywhere,USA
Posts: 511
Ditto to what Cynay posted. I've had to file for bankruptcy...all I wanted was the kids, I took more than my share of the bills and have not recieved one dime of child support.
Meanwhile, he's got a new wife, a big screen TV and a new camper...
He's a deadbeat dad...who never calls his son...
Which is probably a good thing...
But here I am...broke, holding the bag.....with my credit ruined..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Richton, MS
Posts: 135
There is nothing left to half. We lost her home 3 years ago because he lost his job and would not work. We rented until a year ago when we moved into a camper trailer and then we bought a cheap mobile home. It does not have hot water b/c he is to dang lazy to fix the hot water heater. I had been heating the water for the kids to take a bath in the last 2 months we were there. We had one vehicle between the two of us which belonged to his mother. He would not go buy one b/c he did not want to pay a new note. We have nothing b/c of the alcohol.
I am sure that I am to blame for some of this too, but I felt I made the best of the situation we were in. I did manage to keep them clean and fed.
The kids and I get a hot bath everynight now. It is wonderful. We have hot meals and I have even managed to slip a new book and toy in for all of them each week. They are so pleased that they have something new and not something from a garage sale.
We will be great. I hope.
I am sure that I am to blame for some of this too, but I felt I made the best of the situation we were in. I did manage to keep them clean and fed.
The kids and I get a hot bath everynight now. It is wonderful. We have hot meals and I have even managed to slip a new book and toy in for all of them each week. They are so pleased that they have something new and not something from a garage sale.
We will be great. I hope.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
I'm glad you are doing well despite the fact that their father isn't taking responsibility for his life let alone the lives of his children BUT think long term. Get everything you can and set everything in place so that you can get more if their father's situation improves. Think about what's in the best interest for your children in the long run... if not yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Wow...... well done.
Still even if he is a dead beat and does not "pay" child support, make sure you get a court order saying that he has too, after that make sure it goes through Child Support Enforcement so there is a consistant record. You never know what will happen in the future and it will be a debt on him till he pays it off or dies.... and if he dies you are first on the list of creditors (check that)
Also ... 1/2 is just that.... what is the value of the trailer, though you dont want that... ask for the value in Cash, again its in the court papers and on record.
Congrads on a good job taking care of you and yours.
Still even if he is a dead beat and does not "pay" child support, make sure you get a court order saying that he has too, after that make sure it goes through Child Support Enforcement so there is a consistant record. You never know what will happen in the future and it will be a debt on him till he pays it off or dies.... and if he dies you are first on the list of creditors (check that)
Also ... 1/2 is just that.... what is the value of the trailer, though you dont want that... ask for the value in Cash, again its in the court papers and on record.
Congrads on a good job taking care of you and yours.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Richton, MS
Posts: 135
Thank you. Sorry, I guess my shallow mind is thinking about here and now and how I just want to get out of the situation. I haven't given any thought to the future and what might happen. I will ask about the child support and ask for what seems fair. I am just worried if I ask for to much he will not sign the papers.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
You can get a divorce without his signature..... just takes longer.
What difference does the amount of time take anyway, you and the kids are doing great and are happy.... that matters. Its easy to think like that when your in the mists of it... heck I did, that is how I have ESH to share with you.
What difference does the amount of time take anyway, you and the kids are doing great and are happy.... that matters. Its easy to think like that when your in the mists of it... heck I did, that is how I have ESH to share with you.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by LIFEOUTTHERE
I will ask about the child support and ask for what seems fair. I am just worried if I ask for to much he will not sign the papers.
YOU are not asking, YOUR children are entitled. Good advice above, please take it for your childrens sake.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Also, once the child support is ordered, you might discuss with the attorney of getting that ordered NOW, you can then go to AFDC and get help for the kids, and the government will be the one on his BUTT not you, to pay it back, lol.
Everyone is right, and I am sure the attorney will tell you the same thing. Get everything you can now, especially a child support order to cover your's and the kids butts for the future. Once the child order is in place, and should he someday get sober and hold down a decent job, you will then be able to go back into court and get the amount increased.
He helped make those beautiful children, and the courts will order he carry some of the responsibility, even if its only financial, to raise the children.
Good luck on your appointment tomorrow morning. Get your list of questions ready, (otherwide, if you're like me you'll forget 1/2 of what you wanted to ask, lol).
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care!
Love and hugs,
Everyone is right, and I am sure the attorney will tell you the same thing. Get everything you can now, especially a child support order to cover your's and the kids butts for the future. Once the child order is in place, and should he someday get sober and hold down a decent job, you will then be able to go back into court and get the amount increased.
He helped make those beautiful children, and the courts will order he carry some of the responsibility, even if its only financial, to raise the children.
Good luck on your appointment tomorrow morning. Get your list of questions ready, (otherwide, if you're like me you'll forget 1/2 of what you wanted to ask, lol).
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: nor cal
Posts: 113
What I had to look at if it was going to cost me more in attorney fee's to get my half. Not much was left in my case and attorney fee's can get pretty pricey going back and forth to court.
Child support is pretty much decided by the court and Division of Child/Welfare and Support.
Say that 1/2 the mobile was worth $2500.00 and it cost you $5000.00 in attorney fee's. I don't know about you, but it really was not worth it to me.
If he doesn't sign it is called default and you still can get a divorce. It does take a bit longer but it can be done.
Child support is pretty much decided by the court and Division of Child/Welfare and Support.
Say that 1/2 the mobile was worth $2500.00 and it cost you $5000.00 in attorney fee's. I don't know about you, but it really was not worth it to me.
If he doesn't sign it is called default and you still can get a divorce. It does take a bit longer but it can be done.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Birthplace of Rock & Roll, Home of the Blues
Posts: 233
Maybe it would be easier for you to look at it as requesting 1/2 of assets (1/2 mobile, etceven though you say it's not much) as support for your children... their beds, etc. It's really easy to think we just want out and to get it over with but you have to look at it as ending a business relationship. If it takes longer so be it, just don't sell yourself and your children short.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Richton, MS
Posts: 135
[QUOTE=Jazzman]You do not ASK for....the State you live in has guidelines on what is FAIR. What is FAIR is that your stb ex be a man and do what is right by the children,
He is anything but a man, but thank you for your reply.
What I don't understand is he has a previous ex-wife and she is paid 400.00 a month child support from him for 2 children, but I would only get 163.00 a month for 3 children. This is what the lawyer told me. Why should I fight for such a small amount. I understand it is better than nothing, but I don't think that would be worth my time to go sit in the DHS office. I have dealt with those people for him and they are so cold and unfriendly.
I understand what everyone is saying and I will make sure that I have a court order so I can receive this for the kids. From what I understand they will make sure it goes into action anyway, I will not have to really do anything once the court order is established.
I just spoke to him a little bit ago and he told me to come get what I wanted out of the house Saturday that he would be at work until 4.
He is anything but a man, but thank you for your reply.
What I don't understand is he has a previous ex-wife and she is paid 400.00 a month child support from him for 2 children, but I would only get 163.00 a month for 3 children. This is what the lawyer told me. Why should I fight for such a small amount. I understand it is better than nothing, but I don't think that would be worth my time to go sit in the DHS office. I have dealt with those people for him and they are so cold and unfriendly.
I understand what everyone is saying and I will make sure that I have a court order so I can receive this for the kids. From what I understand they will make sure it goes into action anyway, I will not have to really do anything once the court order is established.
I just spoke to him a little bit ago and he told me to come get what I wanted out of the house Saturday that he would be at work until 4.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
I think the reason for that is because he will now have to pay support for 5 kids hon.....
What should happen if he were smart is that he would file a petition for a reduction in his ex-wifes childsupport because of a new financial burden... Im sure they would probably reduce hers. The system is not going to do anything though.... he would have to take action.
The reason you do it for such a little amount is because again you dont know what the future holds. Lets just say in 2 years he wins the Lottery..... WELL your support is already in the system and he has never paided.....SO he owes you 3,912.00 and that has to be paid before he gets the winnings.... cuz the state would be after him. Not to mention that because its in the system and you have the state representing you, you advise them of the increase in his income and they will do the work for you to change the childsupport to reflex his new payment.
Make sense?
What should happen if he were smart is that he would file a petition for a reduction in his ex-wifes childsupport because of a new financial burden... Im sure they would probably reduce hers. The system is not going to do anything though.... he would have to take action.
The reason you do it for such a little amount is because again you dont know what the future holds. Lets just say in 2 years he wins the Lottery..... WELL your support is already in the system and he has never paided.....SO he owes you 3,912.00 and that has to be paid before he gets the winnings.... cuz the state would be after him. Not to mention that because its in the system and you have the state representing you, you advise them of the increase in his income and they will do the work for you to change the childsupport to reflex his new payment.
Make sense?
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Join Date: May 2004
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I am unsure, but I believe that all of the different states may do their child support differently. However, I know here where I am, there are "allowances" factored into the child support.
The child(ren) born first will get a higher amount due to the fac their are no other children. So when figuring the child support for your children, your AH is basically given a deduction for the previous children that he has. (Trying to explain this so you'll understand, hope you're following here). I also know that here, other costs are considered (such as insurance costs, uniform costs, etc).
I'm not sure how old his older children are, but when they turn 18 and he is not responsible for child support for them anymore, then it will benefit you as you should get an increase in the support for your children.
Since your lawyer is representing YOU, YOUR best interest and the interest of your children should be his focus. If you have questions - ask him! You are paying him for his services! Your lawyer (IMO) should be telling you the best route for you to take (such as spousal support, division of assets, etc)
I know it's alot to absorb - and sometimes when the lawyer or the paralegal or whoever is talking to me, I have to remind them that I don't know what the legal terms means. They are more than happy to explain to me so that I understand. As yours should be as well.
The child(ren) born first will get a higher amount due to the fac their are no other children. So when figuring the child support for your children, your AH is basically given a deduction for the previous children that he has. (Trying to explain this so you'll understand, hope you're following here). I also know that here, other costs are considered (such as insurance costs, uniform costs, etc).
I'm not sure how old his older children are, but when they turn 18 and he is not responsible for child support for them anymore, then it will benefit you as you should get an increase in the support for your children.
Since your lawyer is representing YOU, YOUR best interest and the interest of your children should be his focus. If you have questions - ask him! You are paying him for his services! Your lawyer (IMO) should be telling you the best route for you to take (such as spousal support, division of assets, etc)
I know it's alot to absorb - and sometimes when the lawyer or the paralegal or whoever is talking to me, I have to remind them that I don't know what the legal terms means. They are more than happy to explain to me so that I understand. As yours should be as well.
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