StandingStrong

AH went to his lawyer's office yesterday and picked up the dissolution papers that my lawyer sent over. Though AH and I spoke on the phone about our daughter (she's sick), we didn't discuss the dissolution other than him mentioning he'd gone and gotten the papers. So now I guess all I can do is wait and see what he does.

Our youngest son (who've I mentioned on here before that has some issues with AH) recently went a couple of weeks (again) without going to see AH. He went this past weekend because he wanted to talk to AH about his drinking, etc.
Unfortunately for son, AH basically justified his drinking (because he doesn't drink as much as he used too, etc), told son that he'd not drink if he and I were back together, and how I played a role in our marriage falling apart because I worked 3rd shift for so long, etc. There was more, but you get the point. Basically, son said that he started just tuning AH out and not listening because AH is just full of ****!
I have owned up to my parts in wrongdoings concerning my marriage - not only to AH, but to my children as well. I am grateful that son didn't buy into the things that AH was saying - but sad for son that he walked away having gotten nowhere.
Son told me before he went to his Dad's that if AH continued to drink, he'd not see him anymore. As of now - son doesn't plan to go see AH anymore. I think that he will change his mind eventually (as he continues to go no contact for weeks at a time) however, that is a choice that son has to make for himself.
I see him setting boundaries though - and I am proud of him. For having the strength, the courage, and the boundaries/self respect that he does. My children all continue to amaze me at how they handle this situation.

I recently was reminded of how I have become. I had posted this some time back - but was reminded again. I had heard once "to be careful. For the abused may become the abuser." I have a lot of work to do on myself as I recently was hurtful and verbally abusive to someone who cares about me. They did something once to me that hurt - I have not learned to not hold that against them as it often triggers old wounds from AH.
I feel that I have a lot of anger and resentment left deep within that I need to work on. I know that I have gotten better about my feelings concerning AH - but apparently I could use some major lessons on forgiveness and whatnot towards others.

Just thought I'd update on what is currently going on.

mallowcup

Well you'll hear plenty fo that. It takes tow to tango, it takes two to destroy a marriage etc. It doesn't matter what he says......and he will try to waro the kids thinking. The sad thing is that your husband probably belives what he says. Let your kids see you happy. Let them enjoy thie rhouse without an alcoholic in it. Why not plan a spooky fun Halloween party? Start enjoying all those things you could never do with him there.

StandingStrong

Oh Mallow, you are absolutely right - he truly does believe what he says. Even though he drank before, during, and after I worked 3rd shift. Not to mention, I worked 3rd shift because I needed a job and had to keep the job due to the financial mess that I allowed AH to make of things. Even son commented about how he could remember me running the kids to their grandparents house at night so I could get to work when AH wouldn't show up from work (Even though he got off work at 5:30!)
*sigh* Truly, it's just ridiculous.

But also, I'm trying to let it go. It's in the past.

I am working on being happier. The kids get frustrated sometimes as none of them think that AH and I should even talk. I'm sure that stems from the moods that AH and I both display. So I'm trying to do better about keeping a positive attitude. I started that some time back - it's a work in progress but I do think I do better.

kermit

My daughter is the one who won't go see her Dad, for the same reasons. She believes that Yes it is a disease but one of choice. She thinks he is just full of ****. (I think she is the only one with her head on straight) I too admire her strength and hope one day they will talk again

Pick-a-name

Both my kids,too....they don't see him often, they call him on his stuff and really are not unkind but make and keep their boundaries. I am very proud of them and use them for my own inspiration some days.

Sorry they HAVE to do these things, but glad that they do.