Problems Just Tired of IT ALL!
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Problems Just Tired of IT ALL!
OK so here I am and yes I am going to whine. Sick and tired of people in the program telling me that I have to do this or I have to do that. Who in the heck died and made them God. OK so here is what happened!
A while back yep Vic got a resentment and started another NA Meeting. Well it hasn't been doing that well, and it is going to probably have to fold up. I can not afford to take it all on myself. However, I would wish to God that this meeting continues. I have my reasons but really I am fighting humbeling myself. Sorry I haven't downloaded my spell check yet
So anyway this guy that has 15 years of clean time comes over to our meeting tonight and starts saying this and that, that He needs me there at HIS HOMEGROUP (which is the meeting that I started two years ago. The group has held up only God knows WHY! So he tells me to fold up this group and get my butt (not in those words) back to the meeting tha tI started two years ago! HE IS NOT my sponsor, and I don't know why he thinks that I have to do as he says. I am having a hard enough time the past few days and last night was REALLY HARD!!!! I am just so mad I am getting more tired of it all everyday. NO I don't want to use but **** when can a guy get a break.
Maybe I have been on a pink cloud for the last 100 and some days who knows but I have really worked hard on my recovery I feel and now it is almost like I don't even care if I go back to a meeting again. NOT GOOD for this ADDICT! And then yesterday I made reservatiions at a motel room to attend my first NA Conference and the thought was "Hey Vic, you will be in Omaha that is only a five hour drive to Columbia where you could score some crack, then drive back to your motel room and get high and then go to the conference in the morning!" Guezzzz what a thought. That is insanity.
Maybe I should even be posting this because I know what usually happens when I DO POST STUFF LIKE THIS! I mean who really give a **** anyway.
A while back yep Vic got a resentment and started another NA Meeting. Well it hasn't been doing that well, and it is going to probably have to fold up. I can not afford to take it all on myself. However, I would wish to God that this meeting continues. I have my reasons but really I am fighting humbeling myself. Sorry I haven't downloaded my spell check yet
So anyway this guy that has 15 years of clean time comes over to our meeting tonight and starts saying this and that, that He needs me there at HIS HOMEGROUP (which is the meeting that I started two years ago. The group has held up only God knows WHY! So he tells me to fold up this group and get my butt (not in those words) back to the meeting tha tI started two years ago! HE IS NOT my sponsor, and I don't know why he thinks that I have to do as he says. I am having a hard enough time the past few days and last night was REALLY HARD!!!! I am just so mad I am getting more tired of it all everyday. NO I don't want to use but **** when can a guy get a break.
Maybe I have been on a pink cloud for the last 100 and some days who knows but I have really worked hard on my recovery I feel and now it is almost like I don't even care if I go back to a meeting again. NOT GOOD for this ADDICT! And then yesterday I made reservatiions at a motel room to attend my first NA Conference and the thought was "Hey Vic, you will be in Omaha that is only a five hour drive to Columbia where you could score some crack, then drive back to your motel room and get high and then go to the conference in the morning!" Guezzzz what a thought. That is insanity.
Maybe I should even be posting this because I know what usually happens when I DO POST STUFF LIKE THIS! I mean who really give a **** anyway.
Dreamz do come true!!!
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 348
Hey Vic, it sounds like you're doing it pretty tough. You've been an amazing support person for so many of us here on SR. You are an amazing person with strength and courage and its hard everyday for all of us - but if we all just hang in there for ourselves and each other I know we can overcome anything.
I wish there was something more that I could say or do but please just hang in there - rough patches weren't made to last forever!!!
And this is to make you smile!!!
I wish there was something more that I could say or do but please just hang in there - rough patches weren't made to last forever!!!
And this is to make you smile!!!
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
You know, you can smile while telling someone to sh** in their hat. I've done it. And walked away resentment-free. Maybe I didn't say it quite like that. But I smiled. 
Just stay clean, Vic. Do that, and this guy's attitude will be yesterday's irritation in no time.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Just stay clean, Vic. Do that, and this guy's attitude will be yesterday's irritation in no time.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Vic,
Don't let people telling you what to do get you down. It's just so not worth it. Give yourself a break and take care of yourself. You're doing great and you know what you need to do to stay sober.
And, you may have been on a 'pink cloud' and now settling down into reality. But, that's ok, you can manage. I know you have the strength and courage to get through this.
Don't let people telling you what to do get you down. It's just so not worth it. Give yourself a break and take care of yourself. You're doing great and you know what you need to do to stay sober.
And, you may have been on a 'pink cloud' and now settling down into reality. But, that's ok, you can manage. I know you have the strength and courage to get through this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Turning It Over And Over Again And Again.
[QUOTE=luckyv2]
However, I would wish to God that this meeting continues.
I try to remember that when things dont go my way or the way i want them to go...that the Man Upstairs is the only one who ultimately knows what's in store for me. He is the one who has my life already planned out for me. All i have to do today is sit back, do what im suppose to do as far as keeping sober...u clean ans sober...and the rest....no worries....why worry one moment when u r safe in His Hands....Believe. Have Faith...That's all He asks of us. ( not that im a holy roly or anything like that, i just have to have faith in a Power greater than I to guide me.)
If this meeting is meant to be it will be. You nor i have ...we dont have any power over what happens no matter how hard we try. That makes me sick sometimes that im not in control. That im not the boss.
Im totally POWERLESS. To have to rely on something greater than us to guide us....Thats what He wants us to do...Once u do that. All u have to do is not to ever worry....smoooth sailing. No Worries.
I have to contiually hand it over....get out of the drivers seat because if i dont i will crash. If that makes sense.
Continue to pray THY WILL BE DONE AND NOT MINE. AMEN
However, I would wish to God that this meeting continues.
I try to remember that when things dont go my way or the way i want them to go...that the Man Upstairs is the only one who ultimately knows what's in store for me. He is the one who has my life already planned out for me. All i have to do today is sit back, do what im suppose to do as far as keeping sober...u clean ans sober...and the rest....no worries....why worry one moment when u r safe in His Hands....Believe. Have Faith...That's all He asks of us. ( not that im a holy roly or anything like that, i just have to have faith in a Power greater than I to guide me.)
If this meeting is meant to be it will be. You nor i have ...we dont have any power over what happens no matter how hard we try. That makes me sick sometimes that im not in control. That im not the boss.
Im totally POWERLESS. To have to rely on something greater than us to guide us....Thats what He wants us to do...Once u do that. All u have to do is not to ever worry....smoooth sailing. No Worries.
I have to contiually hand it over....get out of the drivers seat because if i dont i will crash. If that makes sense.
Continue to pray THY WILL BE DONE AND NOT MINE. AMEN
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
OK I put him in my God Box and now I am going to bed clean! Yep that is what I have to do is stay clean no matter what life is handed to me. Wouldn't do no good to start over 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 396
Vic, I understand what you are going through. That is why I'm having a hard time with the program. Some of the people who have been sober for so long I think get a little cocky. They are like someone who quit smoking telling off a smoker. Sometime I think they forget their beginnings.
A guy at last Sundays AA meeting told me my only job in life was to help other alcholics. Heck. I can hardly help myself at the moment. He also said that he likes to come to the meetings and hear people tell them that they love him because "Its all about Me, this meeting is all about me" Sounded like he was contradicting himself to me. First We are suppose to help other alchoholics, then in the next breath its all about him. I get confused. By the lifers sometimes.
I think as newbies we should remember that we still have a mind.
Anyway, its hard sometimes to listen to everyone.
I'm not bashing or being unteachable or anything. Its just the problem Im having.
Good luck and sorry if this was wrong to say.
A guy at last Sundays AA meeting told me my only job in life was to help other alcholics. Heck. I can hardly help myself at the moment. He also said that he likes to come to the meetings and hear people tell them that they love him because "Its all about Me, this meeting is all about me" Sounded like he was contradicting himself to me. First We are suppose to help other alchoholics, then in the next breath its all about him. I get confused. By the lifers sometimes.
I think as newbies we should remember that we still have a mind.
Anyway, its hard sometimes to listen to everyone.
I'm not bashing or being unteachable or anything. Its just the problem Im having.
Good luck and sorry if this was wrong to say.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Mississauga Ontario
Posts: 296
hey,im glad you are here,and not smoking.
my question is,why did you leave the group you started?
i have been taugt in recovery to retrace my steps,and see when my disease showed up thru self centeredness and fear,and trying to be boss in Gods fellowship.
hell i had more meeting starter kits than anyone for about four years.i ended up with just as many white tags to.see my disease wants to play devide and conquer,cuz he knows when dalin is alone,trying to be right,he has my ass whipped.by myself i have no unity.i have menity.and with menity i get high.
i have to know that we all move along at our own speed.i dont want to see you get high like i did.my old sponsor told me my thinker was broke when i got here.he said i could fix it with the twelve steps.after a run thru them i make practical desisions,not based on self will and feelings,which change at the drop of a hat.
and dont think i am attacking you here,i am only trying to give you a chunk of what i learned the hard way.and what i have learned from two of na's predisesors who helped do alot of our literature.
we have all been angry at others in the fellowship.we didnt come in here for signing to loud in the church choir.we came in here as loners with no ability to comunicate.
i was told by my old sponsor to see the God that lived in all members,especially the ones i had issues with.he told me to see them as my instuctors in learning to apply spiritual principles.the more i applied them,the more self esteem i got.
i am truly glad you are her vic.you are truly a spiritual brother from a differant mother.love you man.
i may need you to pull my head out of my ass someday.stay clean
my question is,why did you leave the group you started?
i have been taugt in recovery to retrace my steps,and see when my disease showed up thru self centeredness and fear,and trying to be boss in Gods fellowship.
hell i had more meeting starter kits than anyone for about four years.i ended up with just as many white tags to.see my disease wants to play devide and conquer,cuz he knows when dalin is alone,trying to be right,he has my ass whipped.by myself i have no unity.i have menity.and with menity i get high.
i have to know that we all move along at our own speed.i dont want to see you get high like i did.my old sponsor told me my thinker was broke when i got here.he said i could fix it with the twelve steps.after a run thru them i make practical desisions,not based on self will and feelings,which change at the drop of a hat.
and dont think i am attacking you here,i am only trying to give you a chunk of what i learned the hard way.and what i have learned from two of na's predisesors who helped do alot of our literature.
we have all been angry at others in the fellowship.we didnt come in here for signing to loud in the church choir.we came in here as loners with no ability to comunicate.
i was told by my old sponsor to see the God that lived in all members,especially the ones i had issues with.he told me to see them as my instuctors in learning to apply spiritual principles.the more i applied them,the more self esteem i got.
i am truly glad you are her vic.you are truly a spiritual brother from a differant mother.love you man.
i may need you to pull my head out of my ass someday.stay clean
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Anywhere,USA
Posts: 511
****{Vic}}}
Today, I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to...
There was a day when I would, just for the simple fact of proving the point that I was much more intelligent than you were...
Today, I'm entitled to my opinions, and you're entitled to yours...we may choose to disagree...and that's OK!
There's a much bigger battle raging inside of you my friend...
It's your disease, it's trying to seduce you once again...
It's trying to give you rationalizations and justifications why it would be OK to pick up again, just once...
You Vic, can choose peace and serenity...
Ask for help from your HP...
You are NOT a remote control Vic...
do not allow anyone to push your buttons......
The God Box was a good idea...and one that worked very well for me...because I had a huge problem with letting things go, and then taking them right back!
Keep on doing the next right thing Vic...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Vic, big hugs!
I was given my mind to think with, open to others, but never to turn it over to a drug or others. God bless us, and the one and only of us that we were given to be! And, then from here, on our journey! Creative, simple and free!
The Beatles sing: Let it be, Let it be, let it be, let it be....................
I was given my mind to think with, open to others, but never to turn it over to a drug or others. God bless us, and the one and only of us that we were given to be! And, then from here, on our journey! Creative, simple and free!
The Beatles sing: Let it be, Let it be, let it be, let it be....................
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
