mattman

The bad news is after "quitting" last Monday (9 days ago, not 2) I went out Saturday night and got drunk. Can't even make it ONE week! Sad. Oh well, I'm not going to cry about it. I slipped. That's it. There's actually a positive in there. I was 90% sure I'm an alcoholic, but there were lingering doubts. You know the drill. I'm not THAT bad. So-and-so gets way more drunk than I do.... well if I'm an alcoholic than what about those other 300 people in the bar??.... etc. Well I couldn't make it a WEEK even when I was actively trying to stop. Guess that answers that question! Lol. I thought the one-day-at-time thing was kind of lame/stupid/cliche.... but I get it now. The reason I fell off the wagon Saturday is because I was obsessing with "Oh my gosh I can never have another beer again!" Can't think like that, you'll go crazy. I don't even like typing that....

The good news is I went out last night stone-sober and had a GREAT time. I feel fantastic this morning - not physical, nothing to do with hangovers - I feel fantastic because I feel accomplished for going out in a bar full of drunks and not drinking. I completely understand people posting about "finding themselves" or re-finding themselves now. Exactly! I wasn't just some drunk slob, I was Matt. My personality was SHINING again instead of drowning in a drunken stupor. And surprisingly to me, my confidence was through the roof. Better than when I'm drunk. I had no problem talking to girls. I know a lot of women might not understand this but for a single guy going out, having your head-game straight is hugely important. This whole time I've been trying to find that confidence in the bottom of my beer and it's NOT in there.

Done_With_It

Good for you Matt!

If it helps at all, whenever I'm in a bar and a drunk guy comes up to me, even if I thought he was hot, He'd never get my correct phone number.
I always try and stay away from drunk guys. I know that sounds dumb,
but there are a lot of guys who don't get drunk at bars.

Anna

It's never a straight line Matt!

Just keep going.

mygirls_mylife

Now that you have realized tha, Matt, you can really start to concentrate on life without alcohol. It really isn't bad,ya know. Like you said, last night MATT was shining through;not Matt's alcoholic twin brother.

Well done. Now concentrate on a plan for not picking up that drink again. Today I choose not to drink and if I do tomorrow what I do today, i will stay sober again.

Candy Scratch

WTG, Matt. I like how your slip isn't the beginning of a bender, but just a new beginning. I'm so glad you're learning as you go one day at a time. Keep focusing on how good you feel when you don't drink. I'm so glad Matt is back too.

Keep posting!

Candy Scratch

mattman

That's the crazy part. I KNOW I have a better time sober and yet, I STILL want to drink. My guess would be a lot of people contemplating quitting don't think they can have even as good a time sober as drunk - at least in a bar situation anyway - let alone a BETTER time. I used to think that.

That speaks to how powerfully addictive alcohol is. I've figured out I can have a better time without it - that's HUGE - and I still want to drink! I mean think about it..... if it was anything else in life that'd be ridiculous. OK, you can surf MUCH better with this new lightweight board, or you can contiune paddling that other one which weighs 50 pounds more. "Ok I'm going to paddle the heavy one." Heck no! You'd choose the light one.

I had a way better time sober on Tuesday than drunk on Saturday... but that d*mn desire to drink is still there. I'm hoping after enough reinforcing experiences of how much better life is without it that desire will fade to where I'm not thinking about it all the time... where it will be a passing thought, not an obsession. This weekend is still going to be tough. I need to break those mental associations of 5pm Friday = drinking. Even though I was out at a packed bar last night it was easier to not drink than the weekend, because it was, after all, a Tuesday.

RubyT

I know how you feel Matt. I've gone 4 days without a drink. While that's not a big accomplishment so far, for me it's HUGE. I feel good, I feel positive, but I haven't had to go through a Friday or Saturday yet. And that scares me. I wonder if I can be fun sober. Truth is, the past year I haven't been fun at all. Nasty, stupid, beligerent, insensitive, careless...but not fun! There is not an hour that goes by that I think what if...what if I stick to beer and never drink another jagerbomb...what if I tell the bartender to only serve me two beers and cut me off...what if I only drink on weekends...it's CRAZY! Be strong. I feel your pain and I'm right there with ya! It's going to be ok. I just know it!!

Fred

I made it 4 days and blew it last night Here I go again.

Krys_wyo

In my last 70 days I have came up against alot of things that I used to drink during, like the county fair, the big yearly rodeo and the yearly demolition derby, I always drank at those things until this year and it wasnt as hard as i was dreading, and I had a GREAT time, it wasnt hard to say no to $4:00 beer tickets...LOL, I went home sober after all these things and had alot more money in my pocket then some people.
I felt great the next morning.
Keep those kinds of things in mind, the money you saved the way you felt in the morning and the pride in your heart for you accomplishment.
Yeah I would LOVE a cold beer alot of days and it is hard to not go buy some, but we have to fight everyday and we have to relish every minor accomplishment.
Good Luck and keep on fighting.