DriGuy

I was invited to dinner last night. There were about 15 people, 12 of whom I didn't know. There were some people already drinking hard liquor when I arrived with my friends, and my friend's wife quickly brought me a glass of water. I noticed most people weren't drinking at all. A couple of people got inebriated, and maybe unnecessarily loud. I felt a little sorry for them, although I'm not sure why. They didn't bother me. I was just happy not to be one of them.

I'm not a party person, especially if I don't know a lot of people, but it was somewhat enjoyable, and I had a lengthy conversation with three other non drinkers. Overall, I would call it a non-event, and I would have been happy staying at home by myself and watching a movie.

I didn't make a big deal out of not drinking and never mentioned my sobriety to anyone. No one cared or seemed to be keeping track of other drinkers. Well, in reading this, I guess maybe I was keeping track. Maybe others were, but it was never a topic of conversation.

Gettingcloser

Hi Driguy
I know the feeling. I put on a small Christmas Eve gathering for 7 people. I did not really enjoy myself because now that I am doing these things sober I find I feel very responsible for everyone's happiness. When I was able to drink this was never an issue.
Now that drinking is not an option I will be dealing with these issues honestly instead of hiding behind alcohol.
I will be kind to myself and forgive myself. This is a life skill that has been a long time coming.

Broncosys

I have noticed over the years that my fears that everyone will notice that I am not drinking were merely AV fantasy. The reality is that nearly nobody notices or cares who is drinking what. I can go to a party and wander around with a glass of soda and not a single person notices or gives a damn. Us addicts are SO self-centered and when we learn our small and proper place in the world we are so much better off.

ScottFromWI

Glad you had a good time. I've also noticed over time that the only person who obsesses about my drinking (or not) is me. The vast majority of other people don't care or even notice one way or the other. And since I used to gravitate to other heavy drinkers, now I also notice that there are plenty of people at weddings, partiers, etc that don't drink at all too - and not because they are alcoholics.

DriGuy

I was especially aware of self centeredness near the end of my drinking, constantly fighting with the inner struggle of guilt and shame, always focusing on myself and also during early recovery. Although, in recovery it was magnified by my success at overcoming addition. During that time, I felt compelled to mention to people (who probably didn't care) that I was not drinking and was recovering from something that was causing me problems. Part of this was because of feeling like I was experiencing a minor miracle. Gradually, that just faded into "normal", and frankly there isn't much of interest in being "normal", not to me or most anyone else.

When I started this thread, I just felt like I wanted to talk about the party and my response to it almost as if it was something special, but I couldn't really identify what was special about it not being special. I think you nailed much of this with your observation about alcoholics getting all wrapped up in themselves. It was comfortable just being there and talking with people without alcoholism hanging over my head. It's a relief.

RecklessEric

It's just different these days. That's what I think. I'm not "missing out" or anything, like I used to think.
I'm just different now and don't drink.
I just spent 6 hours at my mother's house where the only people not drinking were my 12 year old daughter and I. Usually I have dinner and then go home.
Today, I stayed and listened to the nonsense conversations and played video games with my daughter. I certainly wouldn't have been able to do that in the past but I'm glad I did.
It made my mother's day and while I only had about seven nervous breakdowns I largely came out of it ok.