Bdiesel

I just have to tell someone where I am at, I recently celebrated 6 months, and I was totally content with myself, and just the other day, I relapsed , no idea why and the day I relapsed I was driving home, really messed up and I went into a ditch off the side of the road, blew my tire out, smashed my rim, broke lights, and dented the hell out of my fender. I want to tell everyone in aa I relapsed, but im not for some reason, I think im afraid of what people will think of me, look down upon me, or something. The rehab I went threw, has me on like some kind of fricken pedastol because im sober, and I feel like if I tell someone, ill be letting them down. Inside it's tearing me the hell up, and I drank again because I just tell myself over and over you already fed up , do more, do more. I have been in and out of the rooms for a year, and ive been to 5 rehabs, im 18 years old, I need some suggestions.

I am falling apart, I hate this,I regret doing it, because it did me no good, but make me loose my sobriety, some money, that sucks. and also some people are calling me now, about suggestions on the program cuz im some suggestions, and I feel horrible helping them because I didn't tell anyone I slipped, I NEED HELP IM GOING INSANE!

*cry* - Bruce

MootPoint

Bruce, your 18 yrs old and had 6 months. At 18 yrs old, most of us were in the throws of our disease, with no clue about rehabs or AA! I think you should pat yourself on the back just for that.

You relapsed. So what. Now you're back in here, telling us about it, talking about your feelings. Your feelings are all valid and understandable under the given circumstances.

Slipping and feeling like you do is called "being human". Bruce, you haven't let anyone down. Get back on track and keep going.

Here's the only thing I can see that you're doing wrong. I agree with you that you should tell someone you slipped.

What I'd do if I were you would be to fess up at your meetings. You're not going to be looked down upon, not going to be judged. You're gonna be welcomed back and given a 24 hour chip. I slipped up on pills Oct 10, 2003 and took another 24 hour chip. I got hugs and "welcome back"s.

3legacy

(((((((((Bruce))))))))

Yip, a hug is probably what you will get when you open up with your other AA friends. I'm glad you made it out alive and back to Alcoholics Anonymous. Many do not! Too often the fatality of our alcoholism is glossed over in favor of social pleasantries and false-humility. Your post reminds me of much in the Chapter More About Alcoholism. LOL that chapter reminds me of......... me.

Personally, I hope your true friends in AA don't molly-coddle you to the point where relapse itself becomes habitual.(I see that happening increasingly these days) I hope they show you a greater love by honestly guiding you back into the AA solution after they give you the hug in returning.

Love & Service does not mean we have to blow smoke up each others rear-ends. Direct, honest, and straight-forward communications with my friends has always served me & US better than sweeping debris under the rug or pretending everything is rosey when a heap of garbage is easily visible around us.

((((((((Bruce)))))))

:ilu
Enough to suggest tapping into full Circle & Triangle with a solid, no nonsense sponsor this go round. My life depended upon it. PM me if your interested in meeting sometime in the chat live. I'm grateful you wanted some honest input instead of only the frothy emotional appeal which others are so often looking for.

Three Legs

:tri

KelKel

(((Bruce)))
Believe me I know how hard it is to admit when we have had a relapse or a slip.
But I also know that it is the only way to truly get back on the right track, it is all about honesty, firstly with yourself and then with others.
You will be welcomed back and respected for being forthright and honest.
Just hike up those boots and get right back in the saddle.
Learn what you can from this, like what were the things that happened before you slipped, make a note of them and be on the look out for them in the future. Then get on with your life and your recovery.
Like Moot said, at your age you should be very proud that you are even wise enough to work on conquering an addiction.
Keep hanging out here and let us help you through this, and let your group know so you can let go of the guilt.

humble

I think most of us have been there! Many people "go out". I wwnt into the program in December and relapsed in March. I was so embarassed. I went back
only because I knew I had to for my own recovery. No one made a big deal about it. They just said, "Glad to see you back." YOU HAVE TO GO BACK. Sometime now when I want a drink I often think of what my AA friends will think. That even helps me sometimes! We all know what you are going through, and think of how you would feel towards someone in your group if it was them and not you. No problem! Right! Lift up your chin and go talk about it!
Every day is the first day of the rest of your life. Start each new day with a clean slate.

collinsmi

I think we're addicted to melodrama almost as much as alcohol! But you knew that Bruce, otherwise why would you write something like "10% of the world is Reality, 90% is the way we perceive it"? Drinking is what alcoholics do, and recovery isn't easy. It sounds like you're already on your way back, just fess up at home and maybe try things a little different this time. It doesn't have to be the end of the line.

3legacy

How you doing today Bruce?

((((((Bruce))))))

Patsyd1

Hi Bruce, and keep coming no matter what.

Bruce, I would like to suggest that you stop beating the hell out of yourself, and put the baseball bat away. We are not bad people trying to get good, we are sick people trying to get well.

6 months sober is a milestone and can be a dangerous point in sobriety. Its at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months and one year that some begin to "forget where they came from" .... They feel physically better, and things "seem" to be going real good. You are not alone Bruce, and I would like to make a suggestion to you.

I would suggest taking this horrible experience and looking at it in reality. If this experience has brought you to reality about your drinking, then see it for what it is. See it as something that has brought you closer to getting honest with yourself, and perhaps necessary for you to begin working this simple program in earnest. I would also suggest getting a sponsor and start at Step one.

Before we begin to work the 12 Steps in our own life, we are completely defenseless against the first drink. Our best thinking got us here, and if we do not change the person that we brought through the doors of AA, then we will simply do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.... hence the insanity of this disease.

When I was 6 months sober I began to buy into the stinking thinking that told me that I didn't need to get to AA meetings, I didn't need to call my sponsor, and I sure didn't need to do the work that was suggested by my sponsor. So I began once again to run my life on "self-will" alone. It was my sponsor who asked me to take a good look at where my life was at before coming through the doors of AA, and to see where my "thinking" brought me. The truth was that my "thinking" brought me to the halls of AA because I was absolutely desperate, scared out of my mind, lost, confused as all hell, and I had done things, said things, and behaved in ways that I knew in my heart that I had never ever planned on. Alcohol was calling all the shots in my life, and left to my own devices, I would do it all over again without help. My sponsor never told me what to do, how to do it, or when. And she wasn't about to start now either. She just suggested to me that I needed to take an honest look at where I came from, and if I wanted to go back there, then that was my choice.

I did "think" about what she shared with me. I am so grateful that she was always honest with me.

So I am going to be very honest with you Bruce. I am simply going to ask you to take a good look at where your "thinking" and "actions" have taken you, right to a drink.
So Bruce, is what you are doing working for you? If not, then I would suggest doing it another way.

Stop being so hard on yourself, stop beating yourself up. Its just another way that we can feel full of self-pity, and self-loathing, and that always lead me to a drink. So just be grateful that you are alive, and that this experience has brought you closer to the truth about your your drinking and your thinking.

Now...... what are you going to do about it?

We can sit all day long and feel sorry for ourselves, and beat the hell out of ourselves and it won't change a darn thing. Action Bruce.... take the actions necessary for one day of sobriety. Get up and put your coat on, and get to an AA meeting, ask for help and be honest about the fact that you drank. No one there is going to judge you Bruce or think less of you. We have all been right where you are at, and they will welcome you back with open arms. There is a solution Bruce, but you have to be where the solution is with H O W...honesty, openmindness and willingness. Take the suggestions from those who came to this program long before we did and get a sponsor, and call him, get as many phone numbers as you can, and use them. Begin working the 12 Steps in your own life with the help of a sponsor, someone who has a sponsor of their own and is working this program.

Bruce, the choice is yours, because no one can do it for you kid. You can sit there in this insanity, or you can get to an AA meeting.

So, what are you going to do about it Bruce?

Bdiesel

I am grateful to listen to the suggestions given to me, and I am going to take thoose suggestions as directed. I have a HUGE support group, after meetings we go out, and enjoy ourselves, I have a wonderful sponsor, I went to a meeting a day for 6 months, did service work, coffee things like that, I had a commitment at al adolescent rehab, I was doing all the suggestions that were suggested to me, except I was slacking on my 4th step, that was a big one for me, I was to caught up in material things, to even give myself time to work on it. I started putting things in front of my recovery, I definately don't like the way I feel right now, and I don't look at it as beating myself up, it's reality, and I just don't know how to live life on lifes terms, I have to be more assertive as in calling people, I still frown upon that, I am scared, I feel weak when I do that, no matter how many times they say I may be saving their lives when I call. I am going to get back right where I was in recovery, this binge I guess you can call it, I belelive happened for a reason, my god works in very mysterious ways, and I beleive this is one of them. My sponsor told me pain is essential to growth, this may come true in my life. I know I had a taste of what life can be like, and I now know, that it is in my power if I choose to water the seed or not, I choose water. I started toying around with old friends, that was my biggest mistake, and I am going to learn from that, however possible. This is my life im playing with here, I have to get it back in the program. The fellowship has shown me so many things in life, friendship, support, love, et cetera. Thanks for the suggestions everyone, and showing support and care.

-Bruce

humble

Go Bruce! :band