Alcoholism in the elderly
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Join Date: May 2023
Posts: 4
Alcoholism in the elderly
Hello! I’m new here and looking for some support.
my 74 year old father has been an alcoholic since he was in his 20s.
He is declining rapidly. He has a recent diagnosis of prostate cancer and a blood clot in his lung which has really been a shock for him. This has escalated his drinking. He used to do a bit of Uber driving during the day to keep him social but his body has been going downhill so he has stopped that now and in turn he has started his drinking even earlier, before midday. Over the last two weeks he has been in and out of hospital with alcohol related injuries. The first was a fractured sternum, the second he cut open his arm on the edge of a table and the one from a couple of nights ago he fell unconscious and woke up on the floor. I had to call emergency. He declines help at this point. He now is as thin as anything and won’t eat much. His skin is peeling. He looks like the walking dead. His brain is going too. Very forgetful, difficult to manage his finances and practical affairs and very angry. I’m wondering if it’s the onset of dementia.
I have talked to him about treatment but he has declined at this point in time.
I’m not exactly sure of what my question is. His body is now failing him and he is going to kill himself at home with some sort of terrible accident if this continues. He lives alone.
I have looked into respite for him but I believe he would need to be detoxed before they would take him in their care.
Does anyone have any experience with an elderly alcoholic parent, or words of wisdom? I don’t think he feels he has much to live for and there’s nothing really motivating him to stop.
my 74 year old father has been an alcoholic since he was in his 20s.
He is declining rapidly. He has a recent diagnosis of prostate cancer and a blood clot in his lung which has really been a shock for him. This has escalated his drinking. He used to do a bit of Uber driving during the day to keep him social but his body has been going downhill so he has stopped that now and in turn he has started his drinking even earlier, before midday. Over the last two weeks he has been in and out of hospital with alcohol related injuries. The first was a fractured sternum, the second he cut open his arm on the edge of a table and the one from a couple of nights ago he fell unconscious and woke up on the floor. I had to call emergency. He declines help at this point. He now is as thin as anything and won’t eat much. His skin is peeling. He looks like the walking dead. His brain is going too. Very forgetful, difficult to manage his finances and practical affairs and very angry. I’m wondering if it’s the onset of dementia.
I have talked to him about treatment but he has declined at this point in time.
I’m not exactly sure of what my question is. His body is now failing him and he is going to kill himself at home with some sort of terrible accident if this continues. He lives alone.
I have looked into respite for him but I believe he would need to be detoxed before they would take him in their care.
Does anyone have any experience with an elderly alcoholic parent, or words of wisdom? I don’t think he feels he has much to live for and there’s nothing really motivating him to stop.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'm really sorry this is happening.
Is it possible to call Social Services or the police and have them do a welfare check? It could be that they would take him to hospital.
It sounds to me that he is ready to move on to whatever happens after this life. . .
I'm sorry. I don't know that there is anything else you really can do. The alcohol is helping him check out, both in the moment and in general. May his suffering end.
Is it possible to call Social Services or the police and have them do a welfare check? It could be that they would take him to hospital.
It sounds to me that he is ready to move on to whatever happens after this life. . .
I'm sorry. I don't know that there is anything else you really can do. The alcohol is helping him check out, both in the moment and in general. May his suffering end.
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Join Date: Jan 2024
Posts: 2
Hello,
similar situation. 68yr old mother, 79 yr old father. Both heavy drinkers/alcoholics since their 20s. Father had colon cancer 2015, suffered a stroke 2018. Mother is domineering, hen-pecked and ground him down overtime, I think he's starting to regret some of his life decisions and question what he's living for. Has some mild cognitive/memory issues, mother using that as an excuse to gaslight and control him further. Covid shutdown made things worse, drinking more than ever. Domestic situations and law involved, clever manipulation from mother has him accepting culpability for domestic abuse when he's actually a frail old man with a colostomy bag, incapable of hurting anyone and is being physically and mentally bullied by a woman 11yrs younger than him.
My sisters still live nearby, have the same perception of the situation as me and deal with the brunt of it, I'm overseas and call the parents every few weeks. I used to call them weekly but it's just so depressing. I know they have limited time left, 20 yrs? 10yrs ? 5? 2? Always brings to mind the Carl Jung quote: "there is no greater burden on a child than the unlived lives of the parents."
I am resentful at them both for different reasons, for the unlived lives we could all (parents, siblings, myself) have enjoyed , and the experiences, conversations relationships we could/should all be having now. At the same time I am also sympathetic to them both, even my mother. 70, 80 years on this planet struggling with anxieties and expectations that led them to dull their experiences of life and self-medicate.
It saddens me that I'm already grieving them when we could be enjoying life together.
Sorry for the terse manner this was typed in, your situation reminded me of my own so i just started hammering out on the keyboard. I don't know if this has helped you other than the knowledge that other people are experiencing these things and feeling the way you do.
similar situation. 68yr old mother, 79 yr old father. Both heavy drinkers/alcoholics since their 20s. Father had colon cancer 2015, suffered a stroke 2018. Mother is domineering, hen-pecked and ground him down overtime, I think he's starting to regret some of his life decisions and question what he's living for. Has some mild cognitive/memory issues, mother using that as an excuse to gaslight and control him further. Covid shutdown made things worse, drinking more than ever. Domestic situations and law involved, clever manipulation from mother has him accepting culpability for domestic abuse when he's actually a frail old man with a colostomy bag, incapable of hurting anyone and is being physically and mentally bullied by a woman 11yrs younger than him.
My sisters still live nearby, have the same perception of the situation as me and deal with the brunt of it, I'm overseas and call the parents every few weeks. I used to call them weekly but it's just so depressing. I know they have limited time left, 20 yrs? 10yrs ? 5? 2? Always brings to mind the Carl Jung quote: "there is no greater burden on a child than the unlived lives of the parents."
I am resentful at them both for different reasons, for the unlived lives we could all (parents, siblings, myself) have enjoyed , and the experiences, conversations relationships we could/should all be having now. At the same time I am also sympathetic to them both, even my mother. 70, 80 years on this planet struggling with anxieties and expectations that led them to dull their experiences of life and self-medicate.
It saddens me that I'm already grieving them when we could be enjoying life together.
Sorry for the terse manner this was typed in, your situation reminded me of my own so i just started hammering out on the keyboard. I don't know if this has helped you other than the knowledge that other people are experiencing these things and feeling the way you do.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,512
Well, there are a lot of recovering alcoholics here in the same age group. Maybe you could tell him about the site, and perhaps he might have a read and find some hope.
A very good friend of mine (here) turned 82 yesterday, and like the rest of us, he is doing this one day at a time with support from this (amazing
) community.
Sending you and your dad love. xx
s
A very good friend of mine (here) turned 82 yesterday, and like the rest of us, he is doing this one day at a time with support from this (amazing
) community.Sending you and your dad love. xx
s
Member
Join Date: Jan 2024
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by venuscat 
Well, there are a lot of recovering alcoholics here in the same age group. Maybe you could tell him about the site, and perhaps he might have a read and find some hope.
A very good friend of mine (here) turned 82 yesterday, and like the rest of us, he is doing this one day at a time with support from this (amazing) community.
Sending you and your dad love. xx s
A very good friend of mine (here) turned 82 yesterday, and like the rest of us, he is doing this one day at a time with support from this (amazing
) community.Sending you and your dad love. xx
sI don’t know if this was in response to me, the OP or both, but regardless thank you for the kind thoughts and positive vibes 😊
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
I'm that 82 year old that Venuscat mentions. and seem to have a similar record. to your father..
While things might look grim one hopes your dad can still find the necessary stimulation to get somewhat back on track.
Are therevisiting carers for the elderly where you are?. This could relieve some of your stress.
Perhaps there were some aspects in your fathers younger days that could re kindle his motivation.
Anti depressants may help or even cognitive behaviour therpy
Despite the blatant difficulties, I would suggest you try to establish some sense of purpose in his life..
De toxing, if he is willing, could be a start relevant to potential respite care.
On a more positive note you seem verysupportive of him , as hard as that may be.
Please try and take care of yourself in the meantime.
While things might look grim one hopes your dad can still find the necessary stimulation to get somewhat back on track.
Are therevisiting carers for the elderly where you are?. This could relieve some of your stress.
Perhaps there were some aspects in your fathers younger days that could re kindle his motivation.
Anti depressants may help or even cognitive behaviour therpy
Despite the blatant difficulties, I would suggest you try to establish some sense of purpose in his life..
De toxing, if he is willing, could be a start relevant to potential respite care.
On a more positive note you seem verysupportive of him , as hard as that may be.
Please try and take care of yourself in the meantime.
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