Mountainmanbob

what is Recovery ??
are resentments truly the #1 offender for the alcoholic ??

looking back to many years ago with just short of three years sober
in a marriage with a very unloving wife
we had an argument and my resentments were great at the time
without much thought
and just to show her how truly mad I was
I went down the mountain to the store and bought a six pack of beer
brought them back home and sat on the couch with my beer in a bag
she looked at the bag and asked "is that a six pack of beer"
I said "yes, and I'm going to drink them all"
I only drank a couple that day
but
in short time full blow drinking was back on

today
yes, resentments still creep back in
but
I have learned to deal with them ASAP
which at times really is not ASAP

my cousin let me and my Sponsor down recently on a business deal
man was this getting to me
and he's even in the Program and sober for many, many years
yesterday I finally let it all go
what's it really add up to anyway ??
I must say -- in the long run -- next to nothing

are resentments your #1 offender
what can you share with us regarding that ??

MountainmanBob

Mountainmanbob

I think that everyone in some kind of way has gotten resentments from time to time
maybe it's mainly the drunks who didn't correctly learn how to deal with them
then just because we are sober
we still have much to learn

we had to let go of some old ideas

Mountainman

Gottalife

Speaking generally, resentment seems to be a big and active problem for newly sober alcoholics. But for me, in terms of issues I brought into recovery, resentment was not one. I always knew I was in the wrong and when I suffered the consequences of my actions I could easily see my part in it, and held no resentment.

However it was a different story in recovery. Whenever things didn't go my way I developed stinking resentments, and had to learn to deal with them quickly if I was to stay sober.
Ways of dealing with resentment kinda went I three main areas.

Firstly, if I had the insight to see my part straight away, I had to admit I was wrong and make amends.

If it wasn't my fault, I would pray for the ability to forgive the offender, and have the stupid thoughts taken away.

Thirdly, if it appeared it wasn't my fault and I prayed for the solution, it sometimes meant that after all I did have a part in it and I needed to make amends for my part. This latter course might take weeks of prayer on my part before I was able to see the truth of the situation.

Resentment is a terrible thing for the alcoholic. It has been likened to drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

telwood

Resentments can take us out faster than anything. As hard as it may seem at first, next time you feel a resentment growing towards someone, flip it around and look at it as an opportunity for personal growth. Handle the situation in a way that avoids anger and resentment. Even (especially) if you KNOW the other person is wrong or being a butt-head. As addicts we are ill-equipped to deal with anger and resentment so we should practice avoiding them.

Boleo

Before I feel resentment - I feel anger.

Before I feel anger - I feel fear.

Before I feel fear - I feel threatened.

Before I feel threatened - I feel inadequate.

Before I feel inadequate - I feel self-delusion.

Self-delusion is the equivalent of "Original Sin" in most Eastern religions.

biminiblue

Boleo - I LOVE that. You are full of great thoughts, thank you.

Mountainmanbob

Yes, when sober once many years ago I carried a resentment towards the wife of the time. Just short of three years sober and I carried that resentment right down the mountain to the liquor store. Guess that I showed her how disappointed and mad I was.

A fool is one who fools himself.
question -- how many times will I find myself yet again at this place ?

Haven't had a drink in almost 7 years
yet -- day after day I'm still dealing with these character defects ?

How long oh Lord ?

Yet -- today I do have a good chance if I just don't drink.
Thinking that if I was drinking today my world and the world of loved ones around me would be a true shambles.
A thought that I never wish to forget.
As forgotten so many times before.

Mountainman

Mountainmanbob

It seems to be very hard for me to learn. But, I'm still working on letting things go after several years of sobriety. Things go so much better when I give some thought and keep my mouth shut. Sadly this is not done often enough. Being a perfectionist it seems, makes life rather difficult not only for myself but also for the ones around me.
Mountainman

silentrun

What did you do now Bob?

Mountainmanbob

Seems that I wish for one's around me to be perfect
Yet when I look inside I see one far from it
Mountainmanbob

silentrun

I guess you will have to accept them as far from perfect then.

Mountainmanbob

Seems that self centerness is at the root of my problems
Oh Lord I know that it would be so much worse
If I was drinking today
At least being sober gives me a fighting chance

Step 10 used a lot up top the mountain

By Mountainmanbob

tornrealization

I deleted everything you said. Life is too short for resentment, and if you care about the people you resent than care about them. Life can disappoint you but you need to address that. I have, by not dealing with others who waste my time and by dealing with those who love me.

Chloe2t

I love tat this thread is here. i am finishing up my 4th step and boy, did m eyes get open. As someone who has always struggled with anxiety... i was sure my fears list wwould be longer than m resentment list.... the grand totals on my lists. sex conduct, 5 entries, harms, two pages, fears three pages.... RESENTMENTS 10 PAGES. wow. yep, the #1 issue for me for sure!!