civic

I got away from my husband finally. That was a rough change, but I did it. I was clean from Jan2013 When I left him, until mach of 2014. Clean ..no coke, and most of all no hydros.I first came here when I had no where to turn. I was at the end of my rope..I had no support. I was supported here and it helped..it a been a while, I have a great bf now who would support me. I am to scared to tell him. I am up to 8 hydros a day plus, I snort them that's a big part of the addiction. I am coming off a month spree, which I know is going to suck. I am prepared for what goes along with it. Not as scared, after my first hard withdarwl, I know I can be ok without..but my thinking now is so the first day is the worst, it gets better and by that time they r available to me again.. I hate myself again. I have snorted 45 hydros since Wed! It's Sunday. I quit cold turkey before. I know I have to do it.usually weed helps the withdrawals, but I have none, I am so mad at myself, I came so far, and I had a sinus infection last year for three months.. I knew I should of went to doctors, but I didn't..I just wanted to feel better..I got a hold of the same old someone, and like that 400.00 gone and I wasn't feeling anything. When I come down, I feel everything hard... it's overwhelming, I am smart enough to know what I do is bad. I just can't help it..I know I can get more in a few days...I gotta talk myself out of it. Done for now. Be back tomorrow.. sleep will suck.. legs hurting and the sweating...I did this to myself.

Dee74

Hi Civic

sounds pretty rough...any ideas on how you'll stay clean? do you have any support besides SR?

D

civic

No...I think my bf knows but won't confront me. He loves me no matter what. I just have to get back into mind setting that I can do this..check in to this site everyday now, one friend who knows my past I will reach out to tomorrow. Thank u for the post..actually means a lot

GS123

I have been there and much much worse and no way around it besides saying it will be tough BUT a few days of hell will get better and better every day and you can do this. You have before, I am going on 3 weeks clean, there is nothing easy about recovery but there is an unbelievable amount of greatness with being clean. Stay strong, check here for support and stay away from those things, you can do it.

Soberwolf

Glad your here with us Civic

civic

I feel so bad .I know I am better then this....but I also know if I had a chance to get some I would.. I hate this...since I was 22, 23 i have been on narcotics.... I am 33 10/11 years..I am surprised I am not dead. I use to be up to 15 a day...recently working myself up to that..I slept a lot today. I feel bad about work. But it's just a job. Hopefully I can go in tomorrow.. if not, then screw it...as I said just a job, not a career. I don't know what to do with myself.. no energy, no anything. Just depressed.

GS123

I was in the same exact boat. I am 34 and been using 15-10 30mg Oxys a day for 10 years or probably a little more. I can't tell you how horrible trying to stop on my own was and how much of a week of sobriety made. It wasn't easy but it gave me my life back, you can do it.

Soberwolf

You can do it lean on us for support

Tiredofdrugs

Hi civic!

I want to wish you lots of good luck and well wishes in conquering this deadly beast!

I've C/T'ed off the Hydrocodones multiple times! You can do this! Sure I could get a script today from my doctor! I even live with them here on the property! I haven't touched a pain pill in 20 months now! I already know one pill would send me down into the darkness again. There'd never be enough pills to keep me happy! So starting them again is as simple as saying: "Not again!"

TOD

civic

Called in again. Anxiety so high I can't leave my house..I don't want to..last night got Like two hours sleep because my legs hurt so badly..nose is messed up because that's how I use, and stomach is a mess. I am 33 years old. I should know better, at one time I was going to go to school for this, as a counselor, to help people Like me. I am very knowledgeable on the subject and I thought I was homefree. I hope it doesn't get a hold of me again...

Tiredofdrugs

Civic:

You have to make it thru to reach the other side! Remember that!

TOD

sugarangel

Hi ...Am new to site and this is my first post...I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I am going through the same thing right now. Can barely type this, I am so sick. All the usual symptoms. Plus, I'm getting off Xanax...Life couldn't possibly suck any worse than it does right now. But, we are still alive, and that means there's hope, right? Just wanted you to know you aren't alone...And thank you....you helped me more than you know today....

civic

Yes alive we are, I feel so much it sucks....I feel worthless, if I lose my job I am not contributing my part to our relationship( he doesn't look at it like that I do) but it's a real reality check..So mad I went such a long time without and all I want is that little white pill that says 110, crush it with a dollar and snort it...raw but true. So I have resorted to alcohol..I appreciate u reaching out..how long u been using sugar angel?

sugarangel

Lol I love sugar...anything sweet....probably my gateway drug, lol....I hope you're hanging in there...I feel so bad...just trying to make it through....So nice to have someone to talk to who gets exactly what I'm going through...So glad I found this site and your thread. Thank you for talking to me...I will check in later and see how you are doing....

sugarangel

Btw...please don't feel worthless....You are worth much more than you realize....But, I get it because I feel the same way....I am a 46 yr. old woman who has nothing to show for her life. I wasted a lot of time being wasted....so now, I have to put my big girl pants on and pay the piper.....It is just so hard sometimes. It was easier wrecking my life than it is fixing it...

Soberwolf

Great job on day 2

finaltime

so proud of both of you sugar and civic!! it gets better. you know this. Sober is key... you don't have to do this alone. Tell your boyfriend, go to NA. Those people will support you like no other.

Hang in there!!! So proud of you!! I am on day 4, but quit pills cold turkey jan 23. let me know if you need any help. It gets better each day. You know that mental crap is the drugs coming out, the sickness is too. Let yourself rest, put on a funny movie, hydrate.. I watched borat!!!

cleaninLI

Civic and sugar you guys are awesome! Yes you can do this! Civic play that tape all the way thru to the end. Don't just tthink about that first moment after snorting when you feel euphoric....go beyond that....to what happens when you are all out of those pills . Ask yourself if you enjoy feeling like crap and suffering over and over again? Because that is the reality of using those pills. The high only lasts for a very short time....In fact, if you are anything like me, you rarely feel that high you fell in love with. You are just chasing it...hoping to get it? Then suffering because you ran out!

Well it doesn't have to be like that! This can be your last time withdrawing! It's as simple as don't pick up again! Don't call your connection for more. Tell yourself using just isn't an option anymore!

Rootin for you both civic and sugar! I've seen many on this forum get clean and change their lives.....you can too! Sugar you are never too old to start fresh and have a brand new life!

CobraCommander

i wouldnt be to afraid to tell him, just about every guy i know that has had a gf they loved will stick with them through it. guys have a bit of a harder time finding a girl to support them to stay alot of the times. and youve gone though the withdrawals before so dont worry you got this! good luck

finaltime

yep secrets keep us sick!!!!!!!!!!!! You will feel so much better not hiding.