jt22

Well i felt good about staying clean for awhile there, still haven't used marijuana in 6 months which was a problem subtitute for me in the past. I think my downfall happened a few weeks before i actually did anything. I remember getting bored and down with life, going back to the mindset that got me to ever use in the first place. I started fantasizing drug use again instead of maintaining my hard headed thinking that i will absolutely never use even if it was in front of me. I wouldn't even drink a beer for the longest time. I also have let loneliness get to me, i seem to have trouble relating to and getting along with anyone that is a good influence. I missed my old friends that were/are getting high(i knew them way before we all did drugs so it's hard letting go). People with issues appeal to me and make me feel more normal i guess. I started hitting them up again just to talk and hang out a little, drinking a little, but not enough to even get drunk. Then did some cocaine thinking oh well my problem is with opiates, but the comedown from that made me think about them a lot again. Anyway what pushed me over the edge was i hurt myself doing a little MMA training(nothing major just have a lot of chronic nagging pain which at 23 kinda sucks). At the same time i had free access to percocet so i took a few again thinking one time, no big deal, plus i had to clean(i just moved) and figured that'd help motivate. Well then a few days later went back to dope for a few days along with coke and then large amounts of kratom. All of that only lasted about a week though and hopefully it stays that way.

Currently on day 2, withdrawals should be minor at worse, i always have been very sensitive to the depression, fatigue, cravings, insomnia, anxiety, etc with opiates. I keep thinking how if i got something right now id be up off the couch moving around rather than sitting here overthinking every little thing for hours. This time around i can't let my negative thoughts get the best of me, can't go back to old friends, gotta stick to my routine and know when to switch things up when life starts feeling stale. It was easier keeping the mindset to stay clean a month after using than 6 months after IME that's for sure.

Anyway just thought i'd share my experience with this, feels better to post about it and think about my future plan to not make the same mistake. I don't want to let this short bump in the road take away from the time i spent clean and definitely don't want it to become a long bump in the road.

I'm on my phone so sometimes it can be hard to reply, my connection get messed up, but i can usually at least read any responses.

Thanks for reading.

peacelovesober

Thanks for sharing. My husband is currently in rehab. ...again. I am glad you are getting clean again its not living when you are using its barely even surviving.

So when you start leaning towards the old ways do you have any tools to stop it? Like now that you see the pattern does it all make sense?

I have watched my husband relapse over and over and i can't always tell but I'm usually pretty accurate. Its heartbreaking to not be able to do anything but watch.

I just wanted to show some support and let you know that prayers are coming your way for strength.

Zephyr88

I'm 27 bud I've done what you just did for the last 5 years. been clean for 7 months 7/24/15. from everything. no alcohol no nothing. my deal was always Percs until last fall somehow turned into doing coke all day and drinking 2/3 bottles of wine a night. (I always said I hate coke and alcohol).

IMO I can't do anything and it took me 12 years to realize it. Any of anything leads back to your drug of choice eventually. I've had a ton of lonely depressing nights. Hard to relate to anyone young. Feel weird if I do go out. I got back into hockey big time, I work a decent amount, focus on saving $, Work out/ run etc.

i promise you that group of friends doesn't give a **** about you. or at least most don't. I have the same group. there's maybe 1/2 out of 7/8 that are true friends. And you know the saying. you are who your friends are.

Good luck bud. Keep your head up. It's all mental. don't let the devil win

Soberwolf

Your doing great on day 3 jimt lean on us for support whenever you need

jakec

Try not to beat yourself up too much. I hope you decide to get up and brush yourself up from this slip up.

Soberwolf

Thinking of you Jim you can do this

jt22

Hey guys, thanks for the replies means a lot. To answer the question above i do notice patterns in relapsing, i think most people that are honest being with themselves can tell. My best bet is just keeping life fresh, not staying in routine and at the same time trying to not overwhelm with too much, moving was a big trigger for me i guess because in the past i always liked cleaning/organizing while being high. Also i think staying off all substances is important, i dont have alcohol problems, but alcohol gets me thinking about opiates and kills my self control. What's maybe the most important thing from what i've seen is cutting off contacts for anything. We all have weak moments, it makes it easier if there is no where to go during these moments to get high.

I realize friends we get high with dont particularly care about us, i know this because i dont really care about anyone when im getting high. im confident id still be friends with a few of them if we werent using though, but either way im not stupid enough to think i can hang out with people using if i want to be clean. Just was saying how it's easy to get sucked back into hanging with friends youve known your whole life.

Anyway, had a good training session tonight, feeling good, been playing some video games and doing my physical therapy exercises to keep busy. Almost 3 days off now and have no access to anything. Trying to keep the first 2 weeks off pretty simple, my mind tends to go crazy these first few days off, anyone catch theirselves thinking the same thing over for an hour or two? It makes me nuts. Going away to the beach for a few days so that will be a nice change of pace to get my mind off things. When i get back classes start so hopefully ill keep busy enough to stay on a good path.

Thanks again all best wishes to ya, sorry it took me so long to get back, have been up and down along with having internet issues.

Dee74

good to hear from you again Jim

Have you given any thought to a more longer term recovery plan yet?

D

jt22

I've thought about it, but other than the basics i'm not really sure, are you able to suggest things that might help longterm recovery? So far 7 months has been my longest run.

Thank you

Dee74

This is one of the best links I know Jim:

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

Kim13066

[QUOTE=Dee74;5508985]This is one of the best links I know Jim

Thank you for this link Dee74.. I am 2 months clean today and have had a good month and now I just can't get motivated or have any energy. I take plenty of vitamins that were recommended and am on caffeine supplements from HERBALIFE but still don't want to move off the couch 😢
But I am not thinking of going back to percocets and go through that WD again!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Kim

D

jt22

Hey guys so things have been up and down with getting clean for me. Cut off my contacts as best i could and can't really get anything even if i wanted it atm. Was clean for almost 10 days although i would have used if i had the chance. Yesterday i took a good bit of percocets i came across... Anyway while high, i ended up getting in an argument over drugs with someone i hung out with and really bothered me how fast you can go from being "friends" to enemies with someone when youre both using. Prior to that i was wanting to quit but really having trouble WANTING to quit if that makes any sense. I really want to stay clean again now and get back to my life and stop getting involved with idiots that want to drag me down. Im worried of problems escalating, i do not want issues with anyone i'd just prefer to keep to myself. As of today i really feel that strong urge to be clean again, but since my relapse ive been having trouble keeping that attitude, that originally had me clean for 7 months. I know that it takes us truely wanting to change in order to be clean and stay that way, but even with my healthy habits i tend to get weak minded lately. I'm having trouble caring and finding a reason, classes are starting for me among other stuff and i really need to keep a good attitude about sobriety. Does anyone have any suggestions to help me keep the positive mindset on staying clean?

jt22

Thanks dee this is great, i tend to follow the advice here, i'm going to read through it again and think about some more changes i can make.

Hope everyone has been doing well, youre all some awesome people

Fishak

Setback again. Almost 5 months clean and it was so wonderful. Getting hurt again and thought I could handle just a couple of hydro. No, I can't. No I couldn't. So now here I am back on clean day 5. I so want this to be the end. I think the deep depression is the worst. And the look on my wife's face. So ashamed of myself. Just not sure anymore.

jt22

It's crazy how just one slip up with a couple 'weak' opiates can completely change your mindset and suck you back in within days. Everytime i relapse a few painkillers turns into at least a few months of dope use. So frustrating

Fishak

Thank you for the reply I am transfixed with any help advise or replys on here. This is really my only resource to call upon. Demographics and others hold me back. I've said many times before that this is so much harder then my last lives activities that usually scare people. This is harder. This is much harder. Alone in a small place looking for anything that will help me make it. My wife and I went through the house and cleaned every little hiding place I had at the end a large stash was piled on the counter. We lit a fire and threw em in. We looked through all the pictures of me and thought of all the cheers and applause that rings your ears and it felt good. Remember that one she would say? Look at this one it's the one that tore a knee apart. I have one picture of a few poeple waiting for an autograph I always liked that one. Pride. Pride. I'm not an ego maniac famouse guy. Just a guy that wants back what was taken. Thank you for reading this and if you have please respond. They do mean so much to me. Heck you can have a picture. That was a little joke. Just a little joke.

jt22

I apologize, im not fully understanding. You went through and burned your entire supply? If so that is definitely a good start.

Soberwolf

Fishak

Hi Jim

jt22

Hi soberwolf, thanks for the continued support, hope you are doing well.

I've been having the problem of coming across pain pills. For about a month now i have been getting a week clean and then giving into a day of pill binging. I'm not doing too bad, but i want my use to be back at nothing, i just can't seem to remain 100% strong willed about it. At least, for the time being my dope contacts are gone and won't be coming back anytime soon, i tend to purposely fight with them so they won't talk to me. Pills aren't much better though and i don't even find occasional use of them acceptable for me.