Inadarkplace

Hi everyone!! Today is day 39 sober! While all the physical has long passed, there has been a lot of emotional ups and downs for my husband and I. There are really good days and really bad ones. For me each bad day solidifies my hatred for oxy and my decision to never use becomes firmer. My concern is for my husband. I feel he may be heading for a relapse. He said a phrase yesterday, " what if this is as good as it gets." I'm worried he may be missing the oxy. He seems less enthusiastic lately too. He won't go to n.a. Any of you use/ quit with a spouse? And how did you encourage them when they felt defeated? Any advice appreciated. Thanks

Midwest181

It's not as good as it gets. Keep moving forward. Years ago I remember being deep in addiction and watching people drive by and going to lunch with windows rolled down in their cars, listening to music and I could tell they loved life. I remember thinking that I could not even imagine a life that was normal. A job, time with friends, hobbies...etc. but it did get better. Several months into my sobriety I remember walking out to my car, it was a beautiful day, could smell the flowers and took a deep breath of fresh air and looked around at all I had accomplished since getting sober. It was at that moment it did get better. I was normal. I had no cravings and I was a "normal" person. It happens slowly every day. Before you know it you won't know when you started feeling normal. You just will. Sobriety is an amazing thing. It's a new lease on life but with knowledge you didn't have before. I can promise him that if he sticks with it that he will feel better than he ever did using. So in short. No it's not as good as it gets. It gets way better than you can imagine.

Inadarkplace

Thanks so much Midwest!! I'm not going to pretend this has been easy. I have a lot of depression along with my husband. I just know in my heart, I won't use again, but worried he might cave. I keep trying to figure out how long these sad feelings will last, so that I can tell him a time frame.. You know something like just 10 more days, hang in there lol. But I know that for everyone it can be different. I've had those strange feelings too, seeing people laughing naturally, and they seem so happy.. It feels alien to me. I do feel much better than at the beginning though, it's more of a mental thing right now. I'm hoping this doesn't last much past two months, I'm at 40 days today. I will stay the path no matter how long it takes, I just hope he doesn't cave. We almost lost EVERYTHING due to our addiction! And now when I see him looking so defeated and sad I get really scared! I know these feelings are normal right now, and I try to cheer him up by cooking his favorite meals, offering him as much sex as he wants, and telling jokes/ being silly etc.. But he is so down. I guess time is the only thing that will tell how this goes.. Just scared right now..

kzaug2014

Hi Inadarkplace,
Congrats on 40 days!
My hubs & I were where you guys are now, last yr. ( 10yrs methadone, then heroin. )
I got clean last Aug. 2014, but my hubs relapsed 4x's between last Aug. & Apr., this yr.
I had your attitude that no matter what, I was going to be clean. The hubs was much more pessimistic, until he finally got clean.
I want you to know that life gets much better. I had to stay on an antidepressant, but life is great for us now.
I've mended relationships w/fam members that I had basically cut myself off from. We do fun things every wkend now.
I did tell my hubs last Mar. that if he didn't get clean, he could hit the rd. I meant it & he new it. We've been together for 21yrs & had a very good marriage up to heroin.
Keep posting. There's a lot of great people here for support.
Hugs!

Inadarkplace

Thanks kzaug! I'm glad you guys are doing well! I hear method one is very brutal to come off of. The doing fun things on weekends is what I miss the most. I'm ready to go have adventures again ( always been adventurous) but hubby still not up for too much. I understand though, he has a stressful job, and just recently got more job responsibilities added to him. Wow 21 years is a long time kzaug, that's great! Me and my hub been together 13. Hope the depression lifts soon. He is normally the happiest dude, singing in shower, joking, whistling, super optimistic etc. now he is complete opposite, and he doesn't like HIS personality change. He said, I don't like how I am anymore..

Soberwolf

Congrats on 40 days friend that is amazing

RedManc7

Great work on 40 days - there are loads of ups and downs after getting clean - accepting the fact that being clean doesn't mean life is a breeze being one of the major downs. For me I just remembered how utterly miserable existing as a heroin addict was, that ensured that I never entertained throwing the towel in on being clean. Smack takes away the pain of life and numbs reality - but also removes the ability to experience any joy - looking back at my addiction years I can't remember any happy times because the happiness came from being numb and removed from life. I can't actually remember much about addiction - the abiding memories are of the thrill of scoring and prepping up and the arguments over money and drugs with my friends. Feeling sick and relief and the pain going. The rest is a blur. Not something I want to repeat - good luck and stay strong - Easy for me to say but your recovery has to be the priority.

kzaug2014

Tell your husband it takes time for an addict's body & mind to heal. Since everyone's DNA is different, the time varies from person to person. My adventurous nature didn't return for nearly 9mos. But, I was also getting clean from 10yrs of Klonopin too & was in withdrawals for over 5 mos.

Like Redmanc said, it's really important to concentrate on your recovery. I know how hard it is not to worry about your spouse, but it's imperative to keep your positive attitude. No matter how badly I wanted my hubs to remain clean, it ultimately came down to how badly he wanted it. It would have been very easy for me to relapse in the 7mos after I had quit ( & my hubs was still booting up in the bathroom. ) But, I was so dead set on living clean, that I prepared myself to divorce him if it came down to that. I didn't want to loose him, but I wanted sobriety more than anything else.

Things will turn around for your husband if he's prepared to put in the time & has the right frame of mind.

Inadarkplace

Thanks for your reply kzaug! This weekend I convinced my guy to go to the roller rink with the kids and I, seemed to help! Today is day 45! Feel so glad about this choice. Had ups and downs lately, but seriously have had more good days than bad! Since I've been clean I have taken the kids camping, to the beach, etc.. For 3 years I didn't take them anywhere, didn't to much of anything, but get high or get sick! It feels so good to be able to do things again! Hubby's mood has improved, and I'm feeling accomplished lately! Thanks everyone on this forum for all your support! Means so much, to know you all are out there!!! Xoxo

kzaug2014

I'm so happy for you & your hubs! Isn't it great getting out & enjoying life. Your children must overjoyed about their "new" mommy & daddy! I say new because I know I feel like a new person.
I think it's important for your hubs to continue getting out & have fun. When I 1st started getting out & about, I had to force myself. I had been so used to sitting around & being lazy that it was actually scary going out for me. Now, I'm constantly planning new adventures lol.
Plz check in & let us know how you guys are doing. Hugs!