Hmmm I wonder
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: U.S.
Posts: 43
Hmmm I wonder
So I'm just sitting here thinking. Because well I have nothing better to do. The migraine left on day 4. It's restarting today. I feel it coming and I'm not thrilled!
So I am just wondering about y'all's opinion on something.
I've been off the opiates since Dec 16. So 20 plus days. I have like a real pain problem with the migraines. Hypothetically thinking here. If I were to take some meds as in opiates. Take them as they are intended/prescribed. Not abuse them in any way, does that reset my clean days? Or is it about abusing them?
I have no intention of taking any. I will make it through this migraine like I've made it through the hundreds of others I've had in my life. I was just thinking about it.
I also know that there is a chance that this line of thinking is the addict in me! But none the less I'm curious!
I also know that at some point in my life I will wind up having opiates in my body. I have a plan in place! I've been through the emergency room for the headaches and we ALWAYS try to treat them without narcotics first. If that doesn't help then we move to narcotics. I am ok with that. However the plan will be to not have any prescribed to me to take home.
But not like that matters. I have a bunch of opiates here anyway. My son had surgery and is taking them. I have my own scripts here. The temptation is not there for me to take them.
I'm rambling! Sorry about that!
So I am just wondering about y'all's opinion on something.
I've been off the opiates since Dec 16. So 20 plus days. I have like a real pain problem with the migraines. Hypothetically thinking here. If I were to take some meds as in opiates. Take them as they are intended/prescribed. Not abuse them in any way, does that reset my clean days? Or is it about abusing them?
I have no intention of taking any. I will make it through this migraine like I've made it through the hundreds of others I've had in my life. I was just thinking about it.
I also know that there is a chance that this line of thinking is the addict in me! But none the less I'm curious!
I also know that at some point in my life I will wind up having opiates in my body. I have a plan in place! I've been through the emergency room for the headaches and we ALWAYS try to treat them without narcotics first. If that doesn't help then we move to narcotics. I am ok with that. However the plan will be to not have any prescribed to me to take home.
But not like that matters. I have a bunch of opiates here anyway. My son had surgery and is taking them. I have my own scripts here. The temptation is not there for me to take them.
I'm rambling! Sorry about that!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Congrats on 20 days Kate!!!
Not sure how to answer your question, but I also can't seem to understand why it is important to you. I think if you want to live a life opiate free, you can do that, migraines be damned...many people find other ways to treat migraines.
I don't know your story but on the surface level it sounds like you are thinking about how you can use your drug of choice in the future, not sure if that's a good thought process for you or not.
Take care
Not sure how to answer your question, but I also can't seem to understand why it is important to you. I think if you want to live a life opiate free, you can do that, migraines be damned...many people find other ways to treat migraines.
I don't know your story but on the surface level it sounds like you are thinking about how you can use your drug of choice in the future, not sure if that's a good thought process for you or not.
Take care
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
It's all up to you! But having to have little bits here and there ..... and then thinking about that after only four days without them ..... Will be very very very difficult.
If I could have two shot glasses of beer once a week it would make my struggle harder and chances pretty high that I would be going backwards and downwards
Keep writing your thoughts down and looking at your situation as an observer of your life. Keep reading about the struggles of others.
What do you want? Think o f that as a hypothetical question and ask yourself what do you want. One answer could be BOTH (no migraines and the drugs once in a while). Just brainstorming as my daughter and her friend shopping and I sit in a nice comfy chair
Keep posting :-)
If I could have two shot glasses of beer once a week it would make my struggle harder and chances pretty high that I would be going backwards and downwards
Keep writing your thoughts down and looking at your situation as an observer of your life. Keep reading about the struggles of others.
What do you want? Think o f that as a hypothetical question and ask yourself what do you want. One answer could be BOTH (no migraines and the drugs once in a while). Just brainstorming as my daughter and her friend shopping and I sit in a nice comfy chair
Keep posting :-)
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Kate96 
I also know that there is a chance that this line of thinking is the addict in me!
An addict, in pain, with access to opiates. A recipe for relapse. I hope you remain strong in your committment to get and remain clean.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Ok so I read this again. I can't believe I typed that!
One, my addict mind was at work! Making a plan about having opiates in my system!
Two, I was having high pain and obsessing over something weird! Which I do at times!
Three, I am kind of curious if having opiates in my body resets my clean count!
Thank you all for your kind words! My post looks like I'm some kind of whacko! I promise I'm not a whacko! Perhaps I should filter my posts a little. But that won't work. I am a say it like it is type and it shows I also post like that. Oh my!
I am comforted to know I can post what comes to mind and y'all won't tar and feather me!
One, my addict mind was at work! Making a plan about having opiates in my system!
Two, I was having high pain and obsessing over something weird! Which I do at times!
Three, I am kind of curious if having opiates in my body resets my clean count!
Thank you all for your kind words! My post looks like I'm some kind of whacko! I promise I'm not a whacko! Perhaps I should filter my posts a little. But that won't work. I am a say it like it is type and it shows I also post like that. Oh my!
I am comforted to know I can post what comes to mind and y'all won't tar and feather me!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Glad to see the second post as I was about to indicate what you have already concluded. You won't get tarred and feathered here as we ALL have done and still do the same thing. It's something that has to be worked through each time.
I have been to hell a few times as a result of my messing with substances that alter my consciousness but still have the "maybe just one" dreams.
My wife and I are about to embark on our first cruise of the Caribbean which to me always sounded like a huge all day, all week license to drink. Everyone I am going with will have a drink or two and control themselves nicely. So why not me? That thought keeps spiraling through my head with the 'I can stop when we get home can't I?"
I know I can't and I know I won't but I wish the thought would stop.
I have been to hell a few times as a result of my messing with substances that alter my consciousness but still have the "maybe just one" dreams.
My wife and I are about to embark on our first cruise of the Caribbean which to me always sounded like a huge all day, all week license to drink. Everyone I am going with will have a drink or two and control themselves nicely. So why not me? That thought keeps spiraling through my head with the 'I can stop when we get home can't I?"
I know I can't and I know I won't but I wish the thought would stop.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
[/QUOTE]
Perhaps I should filter my posts a little. But that won't work. I am a say it like it is type and it shows I also post like that. Oh my!
I am comforted to know I can post what comes to mind and y'all won't tar and feather me![/QUOTE]
Hey Kate, it's good you post what comes to mind. that way you get honest answers. The fact is we all have thought the exact same things. Asked those same questions. They seemed perfectly logical at the time too. I know I have. Our AV is very good at giving us reasons/excuses to use......it's mighty tricky! These thoughts and obsessions are cravings...disguised as questions....don't be fooled.
I've found the best way to get thru those thoughts is to get out of my head...go for a walk...take a shower....watch a movie...or come here and post. Anything, besides entertaining thoughts of using.
You are doing great! You've got 20+ days recovery! That is awesome!
Perhaps I should filter my posts a little. But that won't work. I am a say it like it is type and it shows I also post like that. Oh my!
I am comforted to know I can post what comes to mind and y'all won't tar and feather me![/QUOTE]
Hey Kate, it's good you post what comes to mind. that way you get honest answers. The fact is we all have thought the exact same things. Asked those same questions. They seemed perfectly logical at the time too. I know I have. Our AV is very good at giving us reasons/excuses to use......it's mighty tricky! These thoughts and obsessions are cravings...disguised as questions....don't be fooled.
I've found the best way to get thru those thoughts is to get out of my head...go for a walk...take a shower....watch a movie...or come here and post. Anything, besides entertaining thoughts of using.
You are doing great! You've got 20+ days recovery! That is awesome!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
It's best to be honest kate It read very much like the start of you justifying using again. I'm a heroin addict 20+ days in after countless attempts at being clean. And the journey to use again in my experience is just that - not a snap decision. Id bin them drugs if I was you (yours) how old your son why he given opiates. Sounds extreme that. If I knew there was heroin in my flat id either have to walk straight out or it would just wreck my fookin head and id end up using. I can't be around drugs! Im a flat out addict!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Originally Posted by RedManc7
It's best to be honest kate It read very much like the start of you justifying using again. I'm a heroin addict 20+ days in after countless attempts at being clean. And the journey to use again in my experience is just that - not a snap decision. Id bin them drugs if I was you (yours) how old your son why he given opiates. Sounds extreme that. If I knew there was heroin in my flat id either have to walk straight out or it would just wreck my fookin head and id end up using. I can't be around drugs! Im a flat out addict!
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